How to stop looking for reasons to be anxious?

[drinae]

Hi, I've been reading some threads here recently though I haven't posted much. Some helpful discussions here.

Now I just wanted to post my own thread to ask whether anyone has any tips on how to stop looking for reasons to be anxious. I feel like my mind is constantly doing this. Lately I've been anxious over some specific things, like worrying about mistakes I think I may have made years ago. Just a while ago I realized that one thing I had been worrying about was not a mistake at all and therefore not a cause for concern or anything to be worried about. It's like my mind is playing tricks on me, looking for reasons to be anxious in the past, with things I don't even remember well anymore and misinterpret as something to be alarmed about. (It sounds strange, I know.) And just as I had figured out that everything was fine with that one thing, my mind almost immediately jumped to another thing, which is likely not a problem either. How do I stop?

I realize that my anxiety is not really caused by the things I'm worried about, it's more likely to be caused by stress in my current life, like trying to figure out what to do about my career, etc. Somehow it just seems to translate into these strange concerns. I've been trying to practice mindfulness, I read a book about mindfulness and anxiety too. But so far it hasn't been enough to stop me from being worried about these things that one by one turn out to be nothing to worry about.

[Fahrenheit]

first of all, that doesn't sound strange at all, i think most of us hear can relate to everything you have said!

second, be patient with the mindfulness it takes a while to build the skill, just like any other. and you might not even realize how helpful it is until you have been at it a while and you experience that first time where mindfulness maybe didn't make your anxiety go away, but it was at least the difference between being up all night with anxious thoughts and being able to get yourself to sleep in a couple of hours instead of 6 hours! ;)

i feel like it is a good sign that you are able to recognize that most of the thoughts you are having are not real threats. unfortunately, like you said, it does sometimes come down to dismantling one worry, and then having another one take it's place. sometimes you have to be patient and keep working through one after another. if you are into cheesy but helpful visualizations, i would recommend pretending you are a counselor or doctor or something, and that each worry is their own character. let them into your office, treat them kindly, tell them they are okay, and them away and let the next one in. hopefully, you will start to feel the anxiety dissipate as you relate to your thoughts with compassion, versus simply telling yourself, 'this is silly, i shouldn't be worried, what is wrong with me?'

also, as you have said, identifying the actual cause is important, too. knowing the real reason you are anxious isn't necessarily going to make it stop, but it will give your hints on hoe to manage it.

also, sometime anxiety is just there. it is a physical and emotional experience you are having, and your brain wants to rationalize why you are feeling it, so it attaches some cue to it. but sometimes it really is just there on its own accord. and it that case, i think just mindfully and compassionately waiting it out is the best way to go. which of course is not easy at all!

also, work on finding a toolkit of that works for you. does the process of making and slowly drinking a cup of tea ground you? a hot shower? a long walk? yoga? i find that activities that put me back into my body help a lot, because my anxiety is very cerebral. :D

[drinae]

Thank you so much for the kind and reassuring reply. Maybe I'm on the right track because many of the things you said resonate with me.

Just like I predicted, the new thing I was worrying about at the time of my post over the weekend turned out not to be a problem (I just had to gather the courage to check it). I haven't been as intensely anxious after realizing that, though it took a while to recover from that anxiety. I'll probably still think of something else to worry about tomorrow, but at least one good day is nice.

You're right that mindfulness does take patience. Just the regular mindfulness practice (sitting still for a certain amount of time and trying to focus just on being in the moment, as they instructed in the book) is very challenging a lot of the time. Today I felt like I had a little breakthrough though, almost as if I had been able to stop the anxiety from kicking in in the morning (which is when it often comes on strongly if it's going to), just by recognizing that moment and observing what I was feeling. I'm sure it doesn't mean that I couldn't be hugely anxious tomorrow again, but at least it's something.

I've been doing yoga as well. I'm by no means a skillful yoga person, but I've been practicing at home every now and then, more lately because it does help. I use guided practices from Youtube, there are some good yoga teachers there. Going for a walk can also help if I can make myself do it, which doesn't always happen.

[Fahrenheit]

that's great about your breakthrough with the meditation. i think it helps if you let go of the expectation that it will be able to solve your anxiety, or turn it off, or that if you succeed with it your anxiety won't come back later. just taking the time out of the say to sit with it, and to keep coming back to your breath (or whatever) after your mind wanders, and doing it over and over again - even if you are not successful at getting your mind to stop wandering, of you have been able to correct it and bring it back each time, you are heading in the right direction. it might not feel like it at the moment, but you are getting better at it!

i follow a few yoga teachers on youtube as well. i don't make a regular practice of it - i have kind of fallen of the meditation bandwagon, too - so i would like to do more.

have you learned more about what the core reason for your anxiety is? do you have anyone you can chat with about it?

[drinae]

You're right that it's best not to expect anything of individual meditations. I do want to keep the expectation that doing that for a longer time would bring some benefits, otherwise I wouldn't want to do it. :D May I ask why you've started doing less of meditation, did it cease to be useful? Wanting to do less of things like these occasionally is understandable though. I've been doing yoga on and off for years, sometimes I quit it for a few months just because I get bored of it, even though I should keep up with it (not just because of anxiety, it helps with my stiff body as well...).

As for the core reasons of my anxiety, they are obviously (as probably for most people) complicated. I've had different kinds of anxiety over the years, sometimes it's been less noticeable and not so disturbing, but lately it has been made worse by my career situation and feelings that are related to it. I also read a book about schema therapy which was helpful in making me understand where some of my responses to things are coming from. I'm not sure I'd recommend it though, in some ways it has made my anxiety worse because I now feel like I should just be able to be better about some of these things and as if the fact that I haven't resolved these issues means that I'm somehow a failure, though that was obviously not the point. I should probably read that book again. Well, studying a topic through books appears to be my way of dealing with things... doesn't always work though.

[drinae]

Well, obviously it wasn't that easy, being able to stop an anxious response from happening doesn't always work. I've had a few bad days again. I'm tired of convincing myself that the things I get anxious about are not really problems.

I started escitalopram a few days ago. I've been on it before, the last time I took it was a couple of years ago. I hope it'll help quickly this time. I know it can take a while, I just wish I didn't have to wait. And I hope that's not what's making me feel worse at the moment. I had a bad headache yesterday, which was clearly a side effect, but that seems to have passed. My jaw joints still hurt though. I've heard that's a common side effect too. I already had pain in my jaws before, this is just making it worse... I hope it'll pass.

Just wanted to vent, and I thought I'd do it in my own thread. I hope others are having a good day.

[gadguy]

I used to find things to stress over and when I did not have enough to worry about, I would take on my friends problems also...Stress and worry is what I did. I have had to take the approach now with my life...if no one is gonna die because of whatever, its not worth the stress and anxiety...and with my friends, I have had to cut them loose, I will help them if needed, but their problems are theirs not mine to fix. "not my monkeys, not my circus" Also i try not to make things difficult on myself, generally I am a perfectionist...now if its not perfect...its good enough and i can live with that.

[drinae]

Your approach sounds good, gadguy. :) Maybe one day I'll be able to adopt a similar attitude, but it may be a while...

I've had a couple of good days this week though (along with some bad ones). But on the good days I've felt like maybe the medication, or the meditation, is already kicking in. I don't know which is which. But I'm determined to feel better.

[DJP]

Looking for a reason to be anxious is very common for the anxiety ridden. We are constantly "checking ourselves." What does this sensation mean? What if I start getting light headed? What if my heart won't stop racing? And on and on. We must reverse this natural predilection to be anxious and replace it with a natural predilection to be calm. Mindfulness training provides a really strong foundation. This is the hard work of getting better. It's not easy to replace the habit of being anxious. It is akin to relearning how to ride a bike. I am by no means successful, but I am getting better at knowing what I need to do to recover.

[drinae]

You're right, mindfulness too is hard work. I guess the trickiest thing is to ride it out and trust that doing the work will help, even though it'll take a while. I always struggle with that.

[drinae]

Just to follow up in my own thread, to avoid creating any new threads. I've been feeling pretty determined about my getting better with my combination of yoga, meditation (mindfulness) and medication (+ reading a book on cognitive therapy strategies). I do feel that it has helped, I still have anxiety and have a lot to work with but the worst cycles seem to have passed, at least for now. Yesterday I stumbled upon a distressing problem which I'm sure would have sent me into huge anxiety a month or two ago, and it did cause some anxiety now and still does, but not as bad as it could have been, I think.

Unfortunately I nonetheless feel that some of my determination has disappeared over the past few days, and I'm not really sure why. I've been less diligent about doing my yoga and meditation, though I still do some. I guess the problem is now how to go on believing that all of this will continue to help, as it has, and to believe that it has helped (and that it's not mainly the medication, for instance).

Sometimes I feel like it's silly to believe, like I have lately, that this could be it now, that I would have finally found the combination of things that helps and will make me feel better overall, better than ever. I've had various kinds of anxiety over the years, sometimes it's been better and sometimes worse, but I felt like now is the time to finally get past those ways in which anxiety has limited my life (which I realize doesn't mean completely getting rid of anxiety, but learning to have a different relationship with it). There have been days lately when I did believe that, because I felt like I am finally understanding more about all this and finding ways to work with it. But it's difficult to stay on course, to stick with it, to go on believing, sometimes. If you can relate, please feel free to comment. :)

[mindglobe]

Try some meditation or physical activity!

[cloudy black]

hello drinae. just today i was thinking about the constant stream of anxiety and i have been trying to describe it. for my own benefit in an attempt to understand why i would want to keep on keeping on having anxiety thoughts. it is so familiar to me that i don't know how to not be any other way. it has become white background noise intrinsic to my everyday "normal"having spent some time thinking i have discovered that, its like i am goading myself to keep the anxiety dialogue going. how toxic is that. its insane but it has helped to describe it i think.

0 dear this will fix it for you stuff had to let go of all that in the end. just another stick to beat myself up with. each day all i can do is to do my best and with a good heart all the fix it formulas don't cut the mustard for me

earlier today i thought, "right anxiety im gonna look right at yer," and it kinda did lessen it but then another wave would come along and i was due out. but maybe this is the next step for me. cant keep running away from it.

[drinae]

Hi cloudy black, thanks for your thoughts (though the response is a bit overdue by now, I must have somehow missed this post as I haven't been here that much). You're right that facing anxiety and not running away from it is the way to go. It's just difficult to do. A lot of the time I'd much rather distract myself by doing something fun and pointless (like watching TV) than focusing on the anxiety. And it's also true that it's difficult when you're so used to having anxious thoughts. It's similar for me, I've lived with some thoughts for so long over the past year some of those things that just got worse and that has made me reach some kind of new low, which eventually did force me to start finding a way up, finding new ways of dealing with all this. I wish you strength in your efforts!

I've felt like I've been on the road to getting better, but lately I've felt the anxiety is on the rise again and there are more and more days when I encounter it yet again. I'm trying to figure out what's triggering it. I realize getting better isn't necessarily a steady upward curve. Maybe it'll go in circles. But I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I didn't have to go back to feeling things I don't want to feel. And then again I realize that actually having those anxious thoughts is a good opportunity to really learn to have a different relationship to it, whereas in the meantime there were times when I just felt pretty good and didn't have much that I needed to face (though partly also because there weren't any situations that would have triggered it). Now I find myself going back to the same things I was worried about before, during the winter. But I guess I just have to trust that this too shall pass.

[Brian1992]

It's a lot to do with lifestyle checkout my topic

[aml0017]

I totally create my daily worries for myself as well, some days it is like a revolving door of worries. I have become quite adept at "managing" these worries as they come... With self talk or exercise or mindfulness... I can keep the bad spells at bay for months at a time this way. In fact I believe it has been quite a while since I've felt compelled to come on this site.

My anxiety has been back in full force these past few days, triggered by problems with my air conditioner in my house, and now I'm worried about that and everything else under the sun. I can use my old coping mechanisms and get through it of course... Until it comes back again down the road.

I think that I create all these little anxieties for myself in order to avoid dealing with the root of it all, namely my very low self worth and belief that I am not deserving of happiness and acceptance. All my problems feel like personal failures, if something in my house breaks I feel trapped by my inability to deal with it. I feel inadequate to deal with it..

I don't know if this helps this discussion exactly, but just wanted to add my perspective to it. I'm feeling for me i am beyond trying to move past my anxiety and I need to move backward and get to the root. This is truly terrifying.

[drinae]

I think that I create all these little anxieties for myself in order to avoid dealing with the root of it all, namely my very low self worth and belief that I am not deserving of happiness and acceptance. All my problems feel like personal failures, if something in my house breaks I feel trapped by my inability to deal with it. I feel inadequate to deal with it..

I don't know if this helps this discussion exactly, but just wanted to add my perspective to it. I'm feeling for me i am beyond trying to move past my anxiety and I need to move backward and get to the root. This is truly terrifying.

I feel like I understand very well what you mean! My worries and anxieties are different but I think the root cause is partly similar, the feeling of being inadequate to deal with things. You described it well. I believe it should be possible to move past this feeling by consciously exploring it, questioning it and focusing on things like meditation and so on, thinking of things that I have been able to deal with, but it is difficult, it takes a long time and it's not necessarily a linear development from getting from one point to better step by step; instead improvement tends to move in circles.

Well, I wish I could offer something more helpful but all I can really offer is to wish you strength in dealing with that feeling.

[cloudy black]

that is good that you haven't felt the need to visit this site. and that your coping mechs are helpful. o dear me i just cant seem to break the cycle.

yes n by jingle you hit the nail on the head, when you say,"I think that I create all these little anxieties for myself in order to avoid dealing with the root of it all, namely my very low self worth and belief that I am not deserving of happiness and acceptance. All my problems feel like personal failures, if something in my house breaks I feel trapped by my inability to deal with it. I feel inadequate to deal with it..

had a letter yesterday and it really has set off my triggers to the point where in my anger i have been very radical and taken action.

imo your perspective is very insightful and helpful especially this bit, "I'm feeling for me i am beyond trying to move past my anxiety and I need to move backward and get to the root. This is truly terrifying. yes the rabbit in the full headlight scenario

drinae ~ what you say is also insightful and helpful. its just where i believe i am at. in that i have to sit it out rather than run rabbit run rabbit run run run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVdoZNxtL8k

I believe it should be possible to move past this feeling by consciously exploring it, questioning it and focusing on things like meditation and so on, thinking of things that I have been able to deal with, but it is difficult, it takes a long time and it's not necessarily a linear development from getting from one point to better step by step; instead improvement tends to move in circles.

[aml0017]

I totally agree with you that recovering from anxiety is not a linear but a circular journey. It has been a 20 year long journey for me. I do feel like I'm in a better place now than I was 20 or 15 or 10 years ago. Anxiety has become more like any illness for me, it sucks... but I no longer feel like the world is ending when I am anxious. There have been times I thought I was "cured" and went months and years without an anxious thought only to be shocked by a sudden onslaught of panic. It is hard because when the anxiety has subsided after a while you are just so relieved you just sort of put it in the back of your mind and hope to forget about it a while.

I do think that anxiety feeds itself. I mentioned my recent episode was triggered by my AC acting wonky. I did deal with it and it is repaired now, but I've had quite a few new worries that have come and gone since then. I started a new one today, I estimate it'll be replaced by Monday lol. However, before the AC issues triggered full panic mode I noticed little things like I felt tense all the time, I was grinding my teeth at night or having crazy dreams, only to wake up with that doom feeling on my chest, fatigue, not wanting to socialize at all. Nothing so bad, I hardly thought anything of it...but when the AC issue popped up it was like I was already primed to be triggered. I don't know if this has some biological chemical hormonal root but I think it does. If the AC issue had popped up a month earlier I think it wouldn't have triggered me so badly. I want to try to recognize these signs and be prepared for the triggers if I can.

Another element to the revolving door of worries for me is "scheduling" future worries. I don't know if anybody does this, but I'll start worrying ahead of time about something coming up months into the future (dr appt, social event such as a wedding etc). Then I'll talk myself out of it and say I'll worry about it when it comes closer--and I do! It seems so ridiculous, but I guess it is in the same vein as worrying about something in the past that has already happened. I mean, the past is done and who knows what the future will bring? Ugh...some of these future things probably wouldn't cause me so much anxiety if I hadn't already primed myself to worry about it already.

[cloudy black]

aml0017- today i have had acute anxiety and depression surrounding various issues with my parents. and i have needed to come home early as i was toxic and they dont need this. so mh still fcks up my quality of life . i have spent 5 hours solid intensely zoning out so that i dont go crazy.

my jaw is constantly tense and my stomach is churning so much at times. coming back in the car i was crying hysterically. good job its a quiet road. i just dont have the focus enough to muster up the will to look at things. living on my own...is a battle enough in itself never mind sitting with shite. i think to myself yeah that would be good to look at but then i get information overload. its such a vicious downward cycle.

yes i worry years into the future and years into the past. as for formal family events i really really do struggle. its just so miserable an existence being like this. i live in isolation and just cant talk to people about my mh for various reasons. one day i think i may totally crack up and maybe that will sooner than i think.

yes i know what you mean when you say,"some of these future things probably wouldn't cause me so much anxiety if I hadn't already primed myself to worry about it already."

[drinae]

Sorry to hear about your difficult weekend, cloudy black. Don't be too hard on yourself if you feel like you can't stop to look at your anxiety and consider its roots. It takes time but just knowing that you're at some kind of a crossroad point where you eventually need to face it can help. Maybe these things develop slowly in the background too if you can somehow get the thought process started.

And it's also kind of like aml0017 said, anxiety does feed itself and it's easy to somehow get used to it when it's been going on for a long time. I've dealt with social anxiety to various extents for about 20 years (that feels like a terrifyingly long time when I write it like that but I guess it's true; sometimes it's been better and sometimes worse) and I think lately I've gotten better and have survived well in situations that would have made me anxious in the past, now I often notice some feelings are just not there when they normally would be (like the ruminating about what happened after the situation). But I still notice myself expecting that things will be bad sometimes and worrying about future events almost like out of habit.

But of course social anxiety isn't the entire face of my anxiety, even if lately that's been less of a problem, then other kinds of more general anxiety about dealing with things and anxiety associated with my own performance (in work-related matters for example, or more mundane matters where I've had to deal with arranging or organizing something) has been more prominent and those are the kinds of things that trigger these loops that I describe on the first page of this thread, just looking for reasons to be anxious. It's hard to let go of sometimes. But just realizing that has helped though, understanding that there are underlying reasons why I keep looking for reasons to be anxious.

[cloudy black]

Sorry to hear about your difficult weekend, cloudy black. Don't be too hard on yourself if you feel like you can't stop to look at your anxiety and consider its roots. It takes time but just knowing that you're at some kind of a crossroad point where you eventually need to face it can help. Maybe these things develop slowly in the background too if you can somehow get the thought process started.

And it's also kind of like aml0017 said, anxiety does feed itself and it's easy to somehow get used to it when it's been going on for a long time. I've dealt with social anxiety to various extents for about 20 years (that feels like a terrifyingly long time when I write it like that but I guess it's true; sometimes it's been better and sometimes worse) and I think lately I've gotten better and have survived well in situations that would have made me anxious in the past, now I often notice some feelings are just not there when they normally would be (like the ruminating about what happened after the situation). But I still notice myself expecting that things will be bad sometimes and worrying about future events almost like out of habit.

But of course social anxiety isn't the entire face of my anxiety, even if lately that's been less of a problem, then other kinds of more general anxiety about dealing with things and anxiety associated with my own performance (in work-related matters for example, or more mundane matters where I've had to deal with arranging or organizing something) has been more prominent and those are the kinds of things that trigger these loops that I describe on the first page of this thread, just looking for reasons to be anxious. It's hard to let go of sometimes. But just realizing that has helped though, understanding that there are underlying reasons why I keep looking for reasons to be anxious.

had a long hard think about things and realised that we all need to communicate really but as a family we never do so typically surface shite. cant deal with it. things a very precarious with my parents and i am at a loss really.