About me

[dolphin]

I am female and 42

I suffer from Anxiety/panic attacks and also mild depression.

If I'm honest with myself I've had the depression for a long time, as long as 15 years. I've always learned to cope somehow someway. I've always had a fear of social outings but not every time I go out. I'm shy and never been able to stand attention on me. I don't even enjoy my birthday parties, I feel sp scared when it's all about me. I like myself and I don't in some ways too. I've always been a perfectionist but the last year I've changed the way I think about that. People used to say to me all the time, you're such a perfectionist, you need to lighten up and not care about stuff so much. No one else does.

The last 5 years I've had alot happen in my life, there's been stress stress and more stress. In the past I've just gone about my life feeling the normal stress levels and dealing with things as they happen. Then this year around March/April I started feeling sluggish, and it happened... my first anxiety/panic attack. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather I thought I was having a heart attack.

Earlier on that day I left home as usual to go on my weekly shopping trip. While driving I remember I needed to use the bathroom but somehow ended up forgetting about it and driving to the shops. When I got there I felt a bit embarrassed for no reason that I had to use the bathroom, then felt so anxious that I wouldn't make it. As I walked out of the bathroom, an unusual sensation came over me like pins and needles. I started to tremble and sweat and my heart was thumping so hard and fast... then absolute panic set in that I was having a heart attack. All the usual thoughts then entered my head... heart attack? stroke? diabetes? Am I going to faint? It would be so embarrassing if I did, who would look after me? I wanted to be at home where it was safe... I was shaking so much and felt so alone. I wanted my husband and my family but started to try to calm myself. It took a while and I was still trembling somewhat but walked straight to my car and drove home and so scared of what has just happened I went straight to bed.

[dolphin]

Ever since then I have had more attacks, only one episode had been as severe as that first one. I knew it was going to happen that day as I woke up feeling exactly the same as that first time. I was at work at the time, I thought I was going to faint and hid in the bathroom for an hour. I just told my work colleagues I was throwing up and had the flu.

I've had all the tests you can think of. I've been to the doctor that many times in the last 6 months they probably know my card no off by heart. There is also nothing physically wrong with me. I also take no meds.

Anxiety can be so frightening and you feel so alone. After finally finding somewhere where I can go to meaning this forum... and reading others stories and experiences with this illness I know I'm not alone anymore, so thank you all for helping me with that.

The help I'm using is the Panic Away Program, the book was a Godsend and I've also been seeing a Therapist which helps so much to get everything off my chest.

[Lulu]

Hi dolphin

I find writing here helps me also. I've been suffering with anxiety from the age of 18, getting worse as I get older, I'm 33 now and have 2 children.

Mainly until recently I used to get maybe one panic attack a year but ongoing anxiety but it didn't stop me from getting on with my life. Robbed me of a bit of confidence admittedly. Then a few months back I had a huge panic attack, I ws feelign fine that day,under a bit of stress but I didn't feel that anxious. Since then the panic attacks come regularly, not ever day but the fear of them are always there. The stupid thing about panic attacks is even when you know it's a panic attack it still crosses your mind it might be somethign medical.

Im reading a book at the moment, "self help for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes, and it's been a revelation. Instead of teaching me to cope with my symptoms which I've been through so many times it teaches acceptance of the symptoms and not to be afraid. Obviously when you have a panic attack you panic and it makes it so much worse. So this method is try and go towards it and not fight it, the long term goal being eventually you won't be frightened of them anymore and they will go in time. It's not easy beleive me, I've had a couple of panic attacks where I've been able to manage this way. On the other hand I've had a couple where it's gone out the window, but it won't happen overnight.

i wish you luck and if you fancy a chat PM me.

[dolphin]

Thanks for your reply Lulu it's so good to know I'm not the only one, it's such a lonely illness to go through, very frightning. I've been concentrating on the One Move Technique Book which is so helpful. It's not happening overnight but I have a bit of progress that gives me hope. I've still had a couple of panic attacks at work but used the One Move Technique which is to go WITH the attack not fight for it to stop. It really does work but I still have those thoughts that come with the panic attacks of what if I make a fool of myself etc.... I'm slowly learning to trust myself but it's going to take some time. I've learned that nothing ever happens from the panic attack other than fear... I don't make a fool of myself, I never faint, I'm still standing, I can still see etc etc etc... My Husband is very supportive and he's witnessed a couple of my panic attacks. He wasn't sure what was happening at first and was quite frightened by it all until he fully understood the situation. We've researched it together and he's been to the doctor with me, I'm very lucky he's so supportive. On the other side of it though, I try not to rely on him too much as I have a job and everything that everyday life brings me.

All the best with your anxiety Lulu. We can do it :D

[dolphin]

I have since had a huge breakthrough with my anxiety!

I was using the contraceptive IMPLANON which was inserted into my arm for 3 years. I have since had it removed and things have changed dramatically in everything about me for the better. It's been removed for only 5 days so I shall keep you posted on my progress.

[dolphin]

An update on me....

My anxiety has 99% gone. I say 99% because I still think about it sometimes, you know, the checking in on yourself etc.It MUST have been the IMPLANON contraceptive so I tell everyone I know not to use it! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be myself again. I've missed it so much. I can now go anywhere without feeling like it's hopeless.

Please persevere in finding a solution, it could be something so simple it's looking at you right in the face.......

[karen777]

I thought id find a forum on anxiety and see how other people feel and I can't believe it it's like im writting these stories. These stories are so spot on it's scary. I just want to know how to get rid of this problem, im 25 and have gone my whole life up until about a month and a half ago never knowing what a anxiety attack was.
My first anxiety attack was probably the worst experience of my whole life I ended up in the emergency room thinking I was going to die. My boyfriend tries to understand and be there for me, but i tell him you can't understand unless you have had one. I used to think that it was just a feeling of panic, I had no idea that it would change my life so much, i live in constant fear that I will have another one and am worried about my health. I have been to the doctor so many times its not funny, i have had every test under the sun they have all come back clear but still im worried that they have missed somthing or haven't done the test properly. I wish it would just go away and I could feel normal again.

[northstar]

An update on me....

My anxiety has 99% gone. I say 99% because I still think about it sometimes, you know, the checking in on yourself etc.It MUST have been the IMPLANON contraceptive so I tell everyone I know not to use it! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be myself again. I've missed it so much. I can now go anywhere without feeling like it's hopeless.

Please persevere in finding a solution, it could be something so simple it's looking at you right in the face.......

dolphin that is FANTASTIC news :D go you! well done, i'm so glad to see you getting better :) the horrible truth is that you are not alone in this problem, thousands of women around the world are having the same reaction to oral contraceptives but their doctors don't realise that it's the cause of the anxiety/depression so they're being put on all kinds of meds to try and solve the problems :( i too am convinced that the pill caused a lot of my trouble, and in fact a counsellor i've been to has dealt with several other young women with the same severe reactions to pills and implants. it's such a shame so little is known about it.

anyway, well done, i'm just glad to see you getting back to yourself and long may it continue :)

[northstar]

I thought id find a forum on anxiety and see how other people feel and I can't believe it it's like im writting these stories. These stories are so spot on it's scary. I just want to know how to get rid of this problem, im 25 and have gone my whole life up until about a month and a half ago never knowing what a anxiety attack was.
My first anxiety attack was probably the worst experience of my whole life I ended up in the emergency room thinking I was going to die. My boyfriend tries to understand and be there for me, but i tell him you can't understand unless you have had one. I used to think that it was just a feeling of panic, I had no idea that it would change my life so much, i live in constant fear that I will have another one and am worried about my health. I have been to the doctor so many times its not funny, i have had every test under the sun they have all come back clear but still im worried that they have missed somthing or haven't done the test properly. I wish it would just go away and I could feel normal again.

karen777 welcome :)

it's definitely a relief to see what other people are going through, it helps you feel less alone. i hope you find these forums a bit helpful. i'm just wondering what you've been doing to manage the anxiety? have you looked into the different things that you can do to help out? i wrote a big post a while ago with all the things i found helpful as i recovered from major anxiety, you might find some of it helpful too if you'd like to take a read: http://www.anxietyforum.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4087

i hope this helps a bit, please let me know how you're doing :)

[dolphin]

An update on me....

My anxiety has 99% gone. I say 99% because I still think about it sometimes, you know, the checking in on yourself etc.It MUST have been the IMPLANON contraceptive so I tell everyone I know not to use it! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be myself again. I've missed it so much. I can now go anywhere without feeling like it's hopeless.

Please persevere in finding a solution, it could be something so simple it's looking at you right in the face.......

dolphin that is FANTASTIC news :D go you! well done, i'm so glad to see you getting better :) the horrible truth is that you are not alone in this problem, thousands of women around the world are having the same reaction to oral contraceptives but their doctors don't realise that it's the cause of the anxiety/depression so they're being put on all kinds of meds to try and solve the problems :( i too am convinced that the pill caused a lot of my trouble, and in fact a counsellor i've been to has dealt with several other young women with the same severe reactions to pills and implants. it's such a shame so little is known about it.

anyway, well done, i'm just glad to see you getting back to yourself and long may it continue :)

Thanks northstar. :D

My life has changed so much since I had the IMPLANON taken out. Traveling isn't a chore anymore, standing in line at the supermarket, talking one on one, going out etc. It's all just like it was before. I've had the odd thought checking in with myself but it doesn't give me anxiety.

Good luck with everything.

[dolphin]

An update...

Everything I do is with ease now. I can't get over the change to 3 months ago.

I really feel for those with this illness. I experienced an inside suffering that was torture. Life was such a battle everyday with anxiety. We all look ok, but inside we cry.

Please don't give up on yourself, take one step at a time. Find someone who understands you and what you're going through, there is ALWAYS SOMEONE out there, don't be afraid, we all have an inner strength inside of us, we were born with that. Find it deep within and you will succeed. You will end up liking yourself for being able to turn this around.

Be strong and like yourself. :console: :)