Severe anxiety & FEAR has ruined my daily life....

[tidalpine]

For the past 2 months i've been enduring some serious anxiety. Along with depersonalization. I'm finding it hard to be in a dark room. I need light of some kind, always. even when riding in a car at night. I don't like the thought of not being able to see around me. I fear dying. I fear being alone and spontaneously dying. I fear dying prematurely. I fear having an illness or a disease that will take my life, or hospitalize me. I just want to go through life without being pestered by my anxiety and feeling the adrenaline pumping through me. Or feeling this energy rushing through my limbs.

I'm honestly getting really fed up. But I care too much. I care too much to not worry about these things. Even being at work is a tough task. Even driving alone is a tough task. I have lots of avoidance behavior.
Ive actually gotten good at being at the grocery store. I also have awful sleeping schedule (4am-12pm) Because my thoughts keep me awake and Id rather keep myself occupied until i get too sleepy.

I just want my life back. I want to do all of these things that I'm afraid of. But when I become afraid, I can't shake it. Its just a thought of "go home NOW".
Nights are always worse. Im ruminating over these things till i can't anymore.

Any tips, and anyone with similar experiences can lend a hand to help me overcome this would be excellent. Thank you guys.

[Fahrenheit]

That sounds really rough, and I am sorry you are going through that. Not being able to sleep on top of being anxious is the worst, because it is so much harder to get a hold of your anxiety when you are poorly rested.

I am going to tell you what I tell everyone, which is to try meditation, and to stick with it. It won't work immediately, but the more you practice it the more effective it is. I prefer guided meditations with anxiety because it gives me something to hold onto other than my own spiraling mind. I like Vipassana meditations for dealing with shitty feelings, and body scans for falling asleep. The App 'Calm' is good, too, though I've only just started using it.

I would also recommend baby steps. With such severe anxiety I think it is important to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Think of a few of the things you want to do but are afraid to do, and break them down into multiple steps. You can go as small as you need to, in terms of the steps. Then even if you haven't completed the whole thing immediately, you can see yourself making steady progress.

Also, know that you are not alone. You say you want your life back, and I understand that feeling. Anxiety is a bit of a thief, and it robs us of a lot of things, including really basic aspects of our sense of self. BUT, also know that even though you are anxious now, those things that you feel anxiety has robbed you of are STILL THERE. Have faith in that, and patience with your own pain. Give yourself permission to not be okay, and take care of yourself.

I hope that helps, and you start finding some genuine relief.

[tidalpine]

Thank you so much :)

[Anne1221]

Have you ever been to a therapist and gotten help? Or maybe get a friend, just someone to help you with those baby steps. Set a goal like, "I am going to drive alone", etc and even if you only do it for one minute and add one minute per day, it will help move you forward.

[tidalpine]

Have you ever been to a therapist and gotten help? Or maybe get a friend, just someone to help you with those baby steps. Set a goal like, "I am going to drive alone", etc and even if you only do it for one minute and add one minute per day, it will help move you forward.

Yeah but I live in the US and therapists usually cost out of pocket and my parents are incarcerated so I don't have any insurance or anything. Getting care is pricey, unfortunately. But i do set goals! I managed to ride home at night without having any anxiety so I'm feeling pretty motivated!