New Here and Feeling Desperate

[kariwe]

Hello everyone,

I'm having a really tough time right now and I was hoping you can help. I'm an almost 25 year old girl and I've had anxiety off and on since I was eight. Over the last year or so, it's gotten much worse, to the point where I'm having seemingly random panic attacks and I'm scared of being alone. I still live with my parents. My dad struggles too but my mom doesn't get it. I barely see my best friend, my grandma says I depress her, and as of right now my boyfriend doesn't know if he can continue to be in the relationship. I've tried all sorts of medications and I'm in therapy but nothing is consistently helping. I'm desperate and scared right now

[cloudy black]

hello kariwe its tough having anxiety dont expect those nearest and dearest to understand you. sad to say at best they can try. i wish i could give you some words of wisdom.

i just happened to be lucky when i was exactly the age you are now (cough cough few years have gone by since!) i knew this friend who encouraged me to go to a short talk about a personal development course. like you i was still living with my parents and the parents just didnt understand me and so i just bottled it up. anyway long story short my friend managed to get me there as i was extremely anxious and timid and i listened and was very impressed with what this lady had to say so much so that i did the course over 2 weekends. it was the best thing i have ever done period it took me a LOT of courage to go to the meeting and then do the course but i did it!

essentially it helped me to dismiss most of the negative and corrosive inner dialogue about not being worthy and stupid... other people i experienced were for the first time in my life going through similar thought beliefs about themselves. i am going to post this link just to illustrate what i mean by emotional education which is what this type of personal development is now called just to illustrate that there are options out there and maybe it might get you to thinking about what you can do to change. it doesn't have to be a personal development course. OK this is it http://www.atlowmill.org/ its been a long time since i have been in contact with these people. but they still do exist. obviously i dont know which country you live. take care and take it one day at a time x

[Crystal8187]

Hey have you ever checked your blood levels I've had a situation where I've had bad anxiety to the point that I had to stay with my sister because I was literally scared hat I might die my doc said I was low on vitamin d and been taking supplements for 7 months now and all those feelings are gone

[Snakeadelic]

To quote:
i just happened to be lucky when i was exactly the age you are now (cough cough few years have gone by since!)

Been a few for me, but my 20s were so bad half of the memories are locked behind big nasty doors in my brain. I had a TERRIBLE reputation in the entire Puget Sound region and boy, did I work for it.

My best friend recently demonstrated a remarkable inability to distinguish between 'severe panic attack' and 'incurably negative personality', which almost made my therapist puke when I described that moment. I'm a bit unmoored over it, really, and not yet sure how to solve the mess because said friend is also my mother. :(

No matter how much you love the boyfriend, the best thing you can do is take a long, careful look at your relationship with YOU and decide from there if you're up to maintaining a relationship. If he's not willing to put ANY work in, run the (unladylike word here) away! If he is, be honest with him about your challenges.

To quote again:
it helped me to dismiss most of the negative and corrosive inner dialogue about not being worthy and stupid...

I once knew a man I called friend, landlord, boss, and "sifu" (teacher). He taught me some of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned...about half of them intentionally. One I think might be particularly helpful, especially if you find it sooner that I did (at age 31). It simply that the human subconscious mind cannot distinguish truth from lie when you're talking. If you call yourself nasty things (my favorites were "stupid, crazy, useless and worthless") that part of your mind accepts them as truth. It was very hard to train myself out of listening to the "bad tapes" running in my head, but when I quit fueling them it only took about 6 months to notice major differences in my thought processes and general outlook on life. You've got a head start on me, and I will keep you in my thoughts and heart as you navigate some truly difficult waters. :)

[rhiannon87]

I know it's scary, but you are not alone. There are so many people that suffer from this horrible disease. Medication is not always the answer, in fact I try to stay as holistic as possible when treating my anxiety. If you have not seen a doctor however, there is great peace of mind that comes with blood work and scans. I have had the works, and I only 28. EKG, MRI's, scans, blood draws, etc. Once I was medically in the clear, I was able to focus on healing the anxiety. Of course its been several years (when I was 25 actually), that I had all this work done, and now I am concerned that I have something wrong again. Anxiety is with us for life, but we can be proactive and learn to live in harmony with it, rather than let it destroy us and control it. My advice, is to read and learn as much about anxiety as you can. Knowledge is power. <3 Good luck!

[MainerMikeBrown]

Kariwe, some people try many types of psychiatric medications that end up not working for them, as some people are what psychiatrists call medication resistant.

I know what that's like because I am medication resistant to many meds, but not all meds. It took a long time, but doctors were able to finally get me on meds that actually worked for me in my battle with anxieties and depression.

So just because the meds you've tried haven't helped you yet, don't give up on try to get on the right medication(s).