KidHope
12-06-2015, 09:13 PM
Greetings all,
I am new to things such as this so please bear with me as I don't even know if this is the right place for me to post this, I apologize ahead if this turns into a long post but I feel that it is time that I got something off my chest. So to begin I will say that for many years I have been a person who is very fearful, it started at a young age and I don't even know what brought it on, at the time I thought I would grow out of it but here I am at 25 and still afraid. Over the years it has varied and some times are better than others, I'll go a year or so and be fine, then I'll go another year or so and I will feel afraid, and many degrees of it, I'll worry and overthink everything which makes it worse, and so on and so on. I've never really known for sure what it was though, I have never been to a doctor or Psychiatrist about it (Can't afford to), hardly talk to anyone about it not even my parents because they are very old world in that they think if I stay busy I will be fine. I am quite socially awkward so I have been out of work for a while, and the idea is terrifying to me, I panic over interviews and worry about the job and scenarios in the job before I even apply. So because of this I have spent most of the time since I graduated high school doing not really anything, and I know that my parents are right in that if I stayed busy maybe I wouldn't feel this way so much but I just never pushed myself and now it feels like everything is wasted time.
Now to get into some of the fears that I have felt over the years, it started with a fear of death, I dwelled on that for so long and overthinking it and trying to find answers and relief led me to being afraid of living forever or just things never ending and such like that. Then when I thought I was feeling better finally I began to notice how the days blended together because I was almost doing the same thing every day so I got a fear of time going by to quickly, like I would wake up and then it would feel like no time that I was going back to bed that night. Well recently as more overthinking happened I started the fear about life being predetermined and I don't know why, it just came out of no where and starting really getting to me. But these are the big ones that is at the root of all my fears because I dwell on them so much and can't make myself stop. But like I said the feelings come and go and right now I am just really feeling it and just wanted to do this and hopefully get some kind of answer. So to go more into how I feel outside of being afraid most of the time, it's hard to explain but most days I feel kind of like I am in a dream, like every day is very cloudy, I feel weak a lot even though I don't do much, I panic over little things but I won't go into that, I don't get as excited for things like I use to, my first thought when I feel like I'll be excited is "It will end though" and I hate that feeling, it just seems like everyday is something. Sometimes I feel it is difficult to even talk to my friends about anything, we will be talking and I can barely say anything more than a few words like "Yeah" "Yep" "I know right" and "Um uh uh, oh well forget it" like I just can't think of anything.
So I have spent a bit of time online just researching and thought that I may have some degree of anxiety, again I have never been to anyone about this, never been on any kind of medication. The most I have done is breathing exercises and listened to meditation music and sounds for "Positive Thinking" it does help for the moment and calms me down when I feel like I am panicking but only for the moment and enough to keep me ok for a little while. So now I am trying something knew, I am at a loss and confused and afraid and just thought I would try posting this to see if I could get anything out of it, but if this is not the place or if their is a better place, like somewhere where possibly a Psychiatrist could see it, It would be appreciated more than I could ever express if someone could let me know, I am just searching for answers and ready to try and help myself if that is even possible, I suppose that is another fear, that I will just be stuck like this. I try to stay positive and I am not suicidal as a fear of death takes care of that, so I really do feel stuck or trapped. But anyway I am sorry for the long post, thank you if you took the time to read this, I just really need to get it out there. Stay hopeful and healthy everyone!
I am new to things such as this so please bear with me as I don't even know if this is the right place for me to post this, I apologize ahead if this turns into a long post but I feel that it is time that I got something off my chest. So to begin I will say that for many years I have been a person who is very fearful, it started at a young age and I don't even know what brought it on, at the time I thought I would grow out of it but here I am at 25 and still afraid. Over the years it has varied and some times are better than others, I'll go a year or so and be fine, then I'll go another year or so and I will feel afraid, and many degrees of it, I'll worry and overthink everything which makes it worse, and so on and so on. I've never really known for sure what it was though, I have never been to a doctor or Psychiatrist about it (Can't afford to), hardly talk to anyone about it not even my parents because they are very old world in that they think if I stay busy I will be fine. I am quite socially awkward so I have been out of work for a while, and the idea is terrifying to me, I panic over interviews and worry about the job and scenarios in the job before I even apply. So because of this I have spent most of the time since I graduated high school doing not really anything, and I know that my parents are right in that if I stayed busy maybe I wouldn't feel this way so much but I just never pushed myself and now it feels like everything is wasted time.
Now to get into some of the fears that I have felt over the years, it started with a fear of death, I dwelled on that for so long and overthinking it and trying to find answers and relief led me to being afraid of living forever or just things never ending and such like that. Then when I thought I was feeling better finally I began to notice how the days blended together because I was almost doing the same thing every day so I got a fear of time going by to quickly, like I would wake up and then it would feel like no time that I was going back to bed that night. Well recently as more overthinking happened I started the fear about life being predetermined and I don't know why, it just came out of no where and starting really getting to me. But these are the big ones that is at the root of all my fears because I dwell on them so much and can't make myself stop. But like I said the feelings come and go and right now I am just really feeling it and just wanted to do this and hopefully get some kind of answer. So to go more into how I feel outside of being afraid most of the time, it's hard to explain but most days I feel kind of like I am in a dream, like every day is very cloudy, I feel weak a lot even though I don't do much, I panic over little things but I won't go into that, I don't get as excited for things like I use to, my first thought when I feel like I'll be excited is "It will end though" and I hate that feeling, it just seems like everyday is something. Sometimes I feel it is difficult to even talk to my friends about anything, we will be talking and I can barely say anything more than a few words like "Yeah" "Yep" "I know right" and "Um uh uh, oh well forget it" like I just can't think of anything.
So I have spent a bit of time online just researching and thought that I may have some degree of anxiety, again I have never been to anyone about this, never been on any kind of medication. The most I have done is breathing exercises and listened to meditation music and sounds for "Positive Thinking" it does help for the moment and calms me down when I feel like I am panicking but only for the moment and enough to keep me ok for a little while. So now I am trying something knew, I am at a loss and confused and afraid and just thought I would try posting this to see if I could get anything out of it, but if this is not the place or if their is a better place, like somewhere where possibly a Psychiatrist could see it, It would be appreciated more than I could ever express if someone could let me know, I am just searching for answers and ready to try and help myself if that is even possible, I suppose that is another fear, that I will just be stuck like this. I try to stay positive and I am not suicidal as a fear of death takes care of that, so I really do feel stuck or trapped. But anyway I am sorry for the long post, thank you if you took the time to read this, I just really need to get it out there. Stay hopeful and healthy everyone!