Dreams

[Elias Omberg Pedersen]

Hey y'all, this is my first time posting on a forum, I've always had issues in my life dealing with anxiety, depressions, insomnia, etc. I can live with it but right now I have a big issue and I have no clue on how to deal with it. I live in Denmark and I hate it here, ever since I can remember I wanted to travel and go to college somewhere in the world and now I'm soon 18 and time is starting to run out. I'm currently halfway through my first year on a Senior High School, I think its called, but its far away and I never really thought it out when I applied and I kinda regret I didn't apply another place closer by since my absence-rating is sky high, so high in fact they can kick me out anytime and I'm only halfway through the first year, besides that I haven't done many of my assignments and I generally dislike the whole school, but I need it to get into College.
I'm also scared that if I pull myself together and finish this I won't get good grades since I haven't been there for much of the lessons, and I really don't want to graduate with almost failed results in every course.

I really don't have anyone to talk to about this who can give valuable recommendations and usually that doesn't bother me, but I'm scared the choices I make right now will decide my whole future and I don't want to make the wrong choice.

Right now it's Christmas, and I have absolutely no money and I live at home, I got no job, no experience and barely good grades, plus, I'm dealing with heavy Insomnia and lack of motivation. I thought about quitting school for the rest of the year, get a job and make some money then travel and apply for a new school after summer but I'm rather indecisive on what I can do right now but for me this seems like the best choice since I'm sick of continuing my life in this place.

I'm ambitious, and if I can't get perfection I'll rather have nothing, I'm not going to pick a secondary choice instead of College, I really, REALLY want to go to College, live in a dormitory and have a drama filled school life in an exciting environment. I'm not bad at anything, even math, but I do have problems with focus since I hate my school and I have absolutely no clue on what I want to be, I'm a confused teen running out of time and without any concrete goals other than College.

In short: I'm worried that if I don't get into a college, it will ruin my life and I basically have two choices that I can't choose between.
1: I can apply for a school closer by and keep working hard until I can go to College. - It's not certain that I can get into another school because of my absence-rating and my insomnia, depression and other inconveniences are quite the obstacles.
2: Quit school, get a job, some money and travel a bit, gather some self-esteem and maybe cure my insomnia then apply for a new school after summer.

I suppose there might be a third choice that I haven't thought about, any help would be appreciated.

~Elias

[Nowuccas]

Hey Elias,

It's vitally important that you seek help when you are depressed. Some of its effects include impairment of cognitive functioning, and loss of motivation, so you are currently competing at a disadvantage in scholastic pursuits. Loss of self esteem may also occur, and there is a post on self esteem on page 1 at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com below. I'm not a doctor, and my teen years are long behind me, but I've accumulated some information on depression, anxiety, and insomnia which may help. A sensible start would be to print out the completed depression quiz, and take it to a doctor, even if you have to make up an excuse. I'm unaware of what the education system in Denmark is like, and whether you have access to school counselors, but if there are, check out what your options are regarding a deferment. You would need reasonably good grades for college.

A previous post on teen depression follows: It's alright to OCCASIONALLY tell a close friend that you are feeling down at the moment, and ask if it happens to them, and what do they do about it. Professional advice is to go out with friends regularly, even if you don't feel like it much. In "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., from your bookstore, or Amazon.com, he recommends that you estimate beforehand how pleasureable it will be, out of 10. Then, some few hours after returning, rate the actual event. Keep a journal for this, and the other things he advises, and examine your progress. Although pre-teens need around the same sleep time as adults, teens 16 to 19 may need up to 9.5 hrs. Many teens are naturally predisposed to, or prefer to stay up late, and get up late, but societal, and school demands are such as to often preclude this. Some schools are changing their timetables to accomodate this, but they are, so far, few, and far between. Get bright light on awakening, preferably for 2 hrs, but at least 30 mns, to reset your circadian rhythm. It's also a good idea to get bright light again in the evening, so you cover a daily span of 14 hrs; say 7 - 7.30 AM and 7.30 - 9 PM, then reduce light levels to simulate approaching darkness, in preparation for sleep. Depression impairs cognitive functioning, and can cause insomnia, which is addressed on pages 1, and O, at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/blank_25.html

Take the depression quiz at http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au or http://www.real-depression-help.com/depression-test-for-children.html and print the result. Take to a doctor, for tests. I advise against the use of antidepressants for those less than around 24 -25, due to their increased risk of suicide, homicide, or aberrant behaviour. Many of those who use antidepressants report feeling loss of emotions, and/or a feeling of being "zombified". The rate of side effects is around 25% - 30%, and something that they don't tell people is that these can include, rarely, permanent sexual dysfunction, inorgasmia (inability to climax) and involving, in males, the total inability to attain an erection. I believe that it is wise not to take such risks unnecessarily, without at least first trying the alternatives. If antidepressants are offered, say "thank you very much, doctor", and pocket the prescription, but don't fill it until giving the alternative treatments a good tryout. Antidepressants will still be available, if required, (unlikely) but it's best to avoid the risks, and side effects, if at all possible. I only recommend their use as a treatment of first choice in exceptional circumstances. Check out: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/05/08/robert-whitaker-interview.aspx and related articles and http://suiciderateup.wordpress.com

See pages 3, and b, at weebly.com, for effective, non medication based depression treatments. Try them for 3 - 6 months, to see if they are sufficient. If not (which is unlikely) the core treatments should still be maintained, as neither antidepressants, nor St. John's Wort, nor supplements should be relied on as the sole treatment for depression. Always check out medications first at www.drugs.com & www.rxlist.com & http://mediguard.org and read any inserts, or labels. Be on the alert for any of the abovementioned effects. I suggest that you use the many teen resources on page 2, at weebly.com. Most people these days are deficient in vitamins, minerals, and/or Omega 3 fatty acids, so a sensible approach is to test for, and address any which are found, because they may well be the cause, or exacerbating the depression. Note that St. John's Wort usually takes 2 - 6 weeks to start reaching maximum effectiveness, and there are things you need to know about it, so don't just pick up the first one you see in a supermarket and expect instant results. Check out the information provided, particularly the SJW & HYPERICUM websites, and choose an EFFECTIVE brand! Perika, Jarsin, or Kira are recommended. See http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_take_St_Johns_Wort_and_5-HTP_at_the_same_time Google: "St. John's Wort; 5-htp" Teens tend to want things: "right here; right now" and 5-htp acts quicker, but use a maximum daily dosage of 50 mg. It should be consumed with a very low protein meal, and no protein 2 hours before, to 2 hours afterwards.

Read: When Nothing Matters Anymore: A Survival Guide for Depressed Teens by Bev Cobain R.N. C., & Beyond the Blues: A Workbook to Help Teens Overcome Depression by Lisa M. Schab, & Understanding Teenage Depression: A Guide to Diagnosis, Treatment, and Management by Dr. Maureen Empfield and Nicholas Bakalar, & A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression by Gary E. Nelson, "Mom, I Hate My Life!": Becoming Your Daughter's Ally Through the Emotional Ups and Downs of Adolescence (A Hand-in-Hand Book) by Sharon A. Hersh, from your bookstore, or more media is at Amazon.com searchbar: teenage depression. View http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm & http://curetogether.com/depression/ig/treatment-effectiveness-vs-popularity

ANXIETY, PANIC ATTACKS & INSOMNIA: View http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?33197-Do-I-have-anxiety-disorder-or-something-worse&p=220006#post220006

DEPRESSION: See http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?32707-has-this-happend-to-you&p=216510#post216510

Perfectionism often results from anxiety states. It can act as a barrier to success, such as in examinations, when time may not allow for it to be achieved.

Perfectionism:

Visualise a dial, with the setting of your perfectionism at 100; now visualise, as vividly as you possibly can, yourself changing it to 99, 98, or 97, as much as you think you can live reasonably comfortably with, for a while, at least; maybe 96, or even 94!

Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://eft.mercola.com , www.tapping.com (13 free videos)", or www.emofree.com or YouTube EFT. Professional is best.

There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have a tendency to perfectionism, I deeply and completely accept myself." or similar wording of your choice.

Importantly; with due focus, and intent; put forward something good, but where you know there is some room for improvement, to show yourself that the world won't come to an end in such a situation. Employ Dr. Burns strategy*, of listing likely outcomes, and how you would cope, in such eventualities. Hypnotism is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/g.html about perfectionism, and hypnosisdownloads.com has one about exam anxiety.

Read: "Never Good Enough", by Monica Ramirez Basco. How to use perfectionism to your advantage without letting it ruin your life. Also consider: http://www.amazon.com/When-Perfect-Isnt-… and "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by * David D. Burns, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com and use their searchbar for more books, & CD's.

[Anne1221]

I vote for option one. It takes you closer to your long-term goals. Start saving your money and plan a one-week trip and that will be a goal for the travel bug. You can work on your insomnia issues and self-esteem issues while doing anything else. My concern is that if you quit school, travel a while, how motivated are you going to be to go BACK to school? In one year, it won't be too appealing. It's a good thing to work TOWARDS those goals that you "really really" want. See a doctor for the insomnia and a therapist for the self esteem issues. However, if you're working hard towards your goals, you may feel better about yourself.

[Katie Hall]

I agree with option 1. You are young and have lots of time. You won't screw your life up irreparably at this point. You should definitely see someone about the anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Getting help with them can help you do better at school and result in fewer absences. I am here for you. If you would like to talk more just send me a message.

[jessed03]

Welcome.

You have the same name as the great Professor Dereal. He's something of a legend around these parts.

[Elias Omberg Pedersen]

~Nowucca: Thanks for the post, this is the most informative anyone has been so far. I'm gonna try get a deferment, seems like the only real option I got at the moment.

~Anne: I wish it was that easy, but the issues are much more serious than the impression I might have given and pretty much keep me from focusing, and I think I need to take some time off to really deal with it all.

~Katie Hall: Yeah, I want option 1 but it's hard due to all the circumstances. And thanks, it's nice to know there's someone to talk to, I appreciate it.

~Jessed: He sounds like a cool guy.