Whats the point of all this?

[dotcom02]

I've been talking to a friend for 6 hours, he has a a degree in Behavior Health Science with a minor in counseling and psychotherapy. I asked him "Why" am I here, what is my purpose in life. If I'm just going to miserable for the rest of my life then whats the point of living anymore. We talked for the 6 hours to just constantly keep going back to "Why" am I here. I eventually ended the conversation because it was making my mood worse than it was helping. I got nothing out of it. I want to know if anyone has came to this conclusion and if you came any closer to answering this question: "What is my purpose in life" WHY am I here?". I really see no purpose in living anymore, I have no kids, I barely talk to my family anymore, I have no more friends, I have not accomplished anything in life. I have nothing right now to show for the last 26 years of my life. The conversation I had with him made me realize, there is not one time I've ever truly been happy in my life. If happiness is what it takes to find this answer then I am screwed, I'll never find it.

[cloudy black]

"Why" am I here, what is my purpose in life. If I'm just going to miserable for the rest of my life then whats the point of living anymore. I really see no purpose in living anymore, I have no kids, I barely talk to my family anymore, I have no more friends, I have not accomplished anything in life. I have nothing right now to show for the last 26 years of my life. The conversation I had with him made me realize, there is not one time I've ever truly been happy in my life. If happiness is what it takes to find this answer then I am screwed, I'll never find it.

hello dotcom02 why am i here? is a question i have been asking myself since i was 5 years old. i have always been a deep thinker. your post so resonates with me. i have struggled to find sense in this world and have nearly got severely damaged by the new age stuff. and turned to the church. but people just do my head in is my realisation. i really get that the world is just so 1 dimensional yes even the drums and whistles of the "newest fads" fail to get my interest anymore. it is just all smoke n mirrors and worse. so why join that corrosive band.(apologies if this upsets anyone but this is my truth i am speaking here) i am finding my own purpose and yes that sounds so new age and egotistical. but the world is broken so why would i want to cling on to the titanic

you could congratulate yourself in that you have woken up from the lie. what i have found to be true is when i get really down the focus is purely on "me me me" its kinda like a self - indulgence or i slot rattle to the denile of my crud.for me reaching out to others and doing things that have some purpose like helping those who are in a tight spot takes my mind of the terrible futility of this world and in the process i am helping others. no person is an island

[Anne1221]

You've got to start finding some fulfillment from somewhere. I have read so many stories of people who were in despair, but then found meaning and purpose for their lives by HELPING OTHERS. Actually, when you help others you receive more for yourself than you give because it makes you feel so good. I wish you could see a therapist to help you with your depression and for some guidance in how to find a more meaningful life.

[Anne1221]

I'm wondering also what you have done in the past to help with your depression? Have you seen a counselor or therapist? Tried medication? I feel exactly like you when I don't take my antidepressant. In fact, I recently cut back by 1/4 because I was feeling tired but then I had to go back up because I felt really down and things looked to bleak and I was too anxious. I was asking myself those same questions. Now I am back to looking forward to things and hopeful again. I take 10 mg of Lexapro every day.

[dotcom02]

I'm wondering also what you have done in the past to help with your depression? Have you seen a counselor or therapist? Tried medication? I feel exactly like you when I don't take my antidepressant. In fact, I recently cut back by 1/4 because I was feeling tired but then I had to go back up because I felt really down and things looked to bleak and I was too anxious. I was asking myself those same questions. Now I am back to looking forward to things and hopeful again. I take 10 mg of Lexapro every day.

I've seen professional help, I was prescribed medication. I asked for something that wasn't very strong and not to have any addicting properties. I was given a low dose antihistamine and a anti-depressant. I don't want them, they made me into a zombie. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and on meds I cannot think of anything. I was tired 90% of the day. I hated them. I stopped taking them two weeks after I started. The main issue wasn't that I was tired all the time, its not having any thoughts, that just made it worse. Then having someone ask you whats wrong and you can't to think of anything. Every time I had a conversation, I had to try soooo hard to comprehend anything just to put that same amount of effort in to a reply. The only time I take them anymore is when I feel I'm going down that path to suicide again.

I don't talk to anyone anymore. I seriously have been screwed over time and time again talking to people, even a counselor has betrayed my trust. Every time I talk to someone it brings all those thoughts back front and center in my head. I'm to that point right now I've tried everything, everything I can think of. I've been so depressed for so long I've lost hope in ever being normal. Every time I try to "fix" this depression, I make it twice as bad as it was before. I've accepted this feeling and deal with it on my motorcycle half the time. It doesn't release this feeling, it distracts me from it for a few hours to get a break from it. I can put headphones in and go hit some back roads and focus on something other than my depression. Its the only thing I know WILL distract me from my thoughts. Problem is winter is right around the corner.

Fixing it is hopeless, I'm done trying. I'm focused on how to manage my depression now. The reason of life is about the only thing I can think of, I don't know why. It never stops going through my head. I guess I'm looking for a reason to still be here for the next time I feel like ending it all. I don't know anymore. Its all so exhausting.

[Anne1221]

Maybe you can find another hobby or interest that distracts you like being on your motorcycle. I'm sorry to hear that antidepressants didn't help. They have helped me so much. It takes four weeks for them to take effect and then the light goes on. I'm surprised yo felt that bad for just being on them two weeks. I don't think antihistimines help anxiety or depression much. Even though you don't feel it, you are making a difference in this world and it's a positive one because you are unique and there has never been nor will there ever be anyone like you.

[dotcom02]

Me on medication was the same feeling I got when I go totally numb from everything. I gotten that way a few times in my life. Its a horrible feeling. When I was in the military, my own command told me to my face I was faking my depression. That was the first time I've ever experienced that feeling and I'll never forget it. Its hard to explain so I'll put it the best I can. All I wanted was to feel something other than being depressed, but on medication I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't experience any emotion at all. My body reacts to medication very well so even low doses of something hit me hard. My psychiatrist talked me in to "trying" some medication and asked me to give it two weeks, if I don't like it then I can stop. Those two weeks I walked around like a zombie. My friends even ask whats wrong with me. I found it extremely difficult to comprehend even the most basic everyday tasks. My unit eventually had me do nothing because I couldn't really DO ANYTHING. I would stare at a wall for an hour and thought of nothing. I was blank. I had no emotional attachment to anything. The little amount of time I was able to gather a thought, all I can think of was this is worse than I felt before.

As far as finding the answer to this question, I still haven't found it. The absence of an answer is starting to become more of a answer. The only thing I've managed to find is more bands I like on YouTube sitting in my room avoiding the whole world.

[cloudy black]

hello dotcom02 yes medication has the same effect for me although you sound like you are very sensitive to it. what about trying St Johns wort (google it and see what you think, check for contraindicator) i do know that you can become more sensitive to the sun, but seeing as it is winter ...

i sometimes wonder how i have managed to get through life and yes i have experienced a betrayal of confidence which was so unhelpful. i wish i could say that if you do this that and the other then everything will be roses and chocolate. but what i will say is in the 1990's i did some personal development courses, these were experiential ones (cant do theory get information overload) today it is called emotional education. this helped me no end in fact it saved me from myself. i met and could talk to people who understood me and i didnt feel such a freak. and my life changed for the better

it sounds that you have or a having a big life change. and only you can carve out your life purpose. think about all the skills you have learnt and your life experiences. im sure there are many things you could do. what about any projects in your community where you could lend a hand. ok so you wont get paid. but on a spiritual and psychological basis you must address this unease. its clear you need to do something. i quite often feel dreadful but i still go out and lend a helping hand in my community and i havent got any qualifications. take care and give yourself some TLC

[Im-Suffering]

The purpose in life, for all of you, is to learn to think clearly, and then to live the opposite of your current experience that your unhappy with.

This complicated simplicity ofcourse escapes the majority. Unclear, incorrect, errant thoughts that permeate this and every thread, cause the suffering. And so as one suffers he begins to think aright, enlightening himself he comes to his own opposite conclusions about life and himself. Changing those beliefs, he changes his reality.

No exceptions, ever, period. There is no other way. There is nothing else to do of meaning, other than to learn to define yourselves, according to what is best for you, and unfortunately that conclusion often comes through suffering.

One must realize eventually, that you create and shape your reality, taking personal responsibility for how you feel, and for your actions both micro and en mass.

Now, there are infinate sub points, to a life, you see. But what has been said here is the main point for all humanity. You are alike children, in kinder care, in a sandbox that you cannot escape from until you learn to play nice, in thought and deed.

You wanted the truth, well now you have it. What will you do with it ?

[Anne1221]

Do you think maybe you could give another doctor and another medication a new try? You probably don't want to, but it's a suggestion. I don't know what in the world they gave you, but most antidepressants don't even kick in until the third week. They take 3-4 weeks to reach full effect because it slowly builds up in your system. That's why you see people on this forum get prescribed something like Xanax to help them "until the antidepressant kicks in." It usually takes 8 weeks to reach full effect. You had a bad doctor who gave you something that did not work for you, I'm afraid. My first two weeks on an antidepressant I cried every day because they had not taken effect yet (they never do for anyone) but after the 3rd and 4th week I saw glimmers of hope again. I wish you the best. At least you like music and that's good.

[cloudy black]

hi dotcom02 check your PM

[Anne1221]

Oh, if you felt "out of it" for the first two weeks, that's the side effects and you are probably sensitive to medication like me. Those side effects wear off after a few weeks and the body gets used to it. I like Lexapro as it has the least side effects of all of them and I can take a low dose and get big results. I echo the fact that getting out and helping others is very useful for seeing the good that each of us can do in life.

[Ponder]

That was well said Marc. I really liked that. :) Same of others all good points. The light sensitivity is something worth mentioning to the St Johns Wart, however like most medicinal herbs, it's all about the health of ones body and the corresponding dose. I too am sensitive to meds, and do much better mixing dried herbs.

However truth is, the more I have come to see IMS's most recent post in this here thread, the more I come to accept the pain of living.

Best wishes to OP - changing up the GP's and Meds or perhaps giving them a complete break [come off slowly] can do wonders to regains some confidence in self.

Again ... All the best.

[cloudy black]

i also think what you eat has an important bearing on how you feel. i need to get back to cooking from scratch. but just lately i have been in a long season of open a jar and pour it in. bit like camping but only indoors!!

[Ponder]

Understand that Cloud. My personal hygiene suffers when I get slack like that, but not something most people readily admit. It's amazing what a bucket of water and soap can do. hehehe ... More so making the effort to jump in the shower when it's been more than a few days. Such things all add up when living life under a dark cloud. :) - Need not be a dark cloud either ... Often I just forget it's been a few days whilst felly emersed on my latest project ... then I am like WOW - I should take a wash more often! ... also clean my teeth.

[cloudy black]

yes the personal hygiene ... i dont bother to brush my hair for days on end. oh i may flick my hand through my hair to make the effort if i am going somewhere special!

do know, i reckon for me anyway, i get so immersed in things i loose all track of time it helps me to get through difficult days. when's the last time you went for a walk? and how's the new computer thingie majic working out?

i cant get to sleep its 12:40 am here and i have got a mad day tomorrow. or should i say today!

[dotcom02]

A couple of things are playing in my favor at work, along with an employee that I severely hated and didn't get along with was fired today for his own actions. I've started to feel better over the last 24 hours, I think mainly because I've had sufficient time to think about these things along with allot of people's input on the matter online. I'll stay away from medication for right now, I never preferred them to begin with so i'll stick with what my gut feeling says right now. As far as taking more than two weeks for the anti-depressants to kick in, not to be contradicting but I felt those effects in a few hours. I noticed a difference. If that wasn't full effect then I'm glad I didn't reach full effect.

I appreciate the comments though. I know allot of people are going through or had gone through depression on here and the advice on this forum goes to my head better. I rather take advice from someone who's been through it all than someone who hasn't stepped one day in my shoes.

[dotcom02]

Celexa was the anti-depressant I was on on.

[Anne1221]

It's amazing how much better you can feel at work when one bad apple is gone. I know from experience.

[dotcom02]

No more posting about my problems, I feel I'm just rehashing my issues.

My last question I have: How does one does anyone deal with this for so long?

I'm not asking in point of help, nothing is helping. I'm asking how does one endure this pain after everything fails. I feel my endurance is closing in and every time I get better, I crash ten fold worse than I was before. I don't reset, I just left off back to where I was feeling worse than the last time.

For the long term depression people, how did you make it this far? What keeps you going? I gave up on the reason to life, I will never find it. At this point I just need something to hold on to just to keep me going.....

[Im-Suffering]

"What keeps you going? I gave up on the reason to life, I will never find it. At this point I just need something to hold on to just to keep me going"

This is the reason for life. So simple that you cant see it.

Find the psychological reasons behind your feelings and heal them. Healing those mental problems standing in the way of fulfillment are your current reason and purpose. That once those mental problems are resolved in your mind, you will be able to "keep going" without depression or fear. Only then, out from under the crushing mental baggage, will you see clearly.

Life was never meant to be about what you and everyone else thought it was.

Grow up through childhood, and school, get a job, find a mate, get married, have children, buy a house and car, struggle with money, deny yourself your whole life, bury the frustration, get sick and die. The whole time struggling with the internal demons of false beliefs, low esteem, and guilt, shame.

Thats the typical human condition, with plenty of drama thrown in to the mix. Television is drama, movies are drama, the news is drama, every time a human opens their mouth drama comes out. You must watch what you choose to believe out of all that haphazard chaos.

On a planet, alone in a universe, where men fight and kill each other, you think this is all there is ? Entranced by the physical illusion, most humans never escape it.

Most likely, throughout the rest of your life, you will never hear this information again, presented by my 2 posts in this thread. So what will you do, pretend ignorance and die unfulfilled, or do something to pull yourself out.

"Doing something" is mental work.

[cloudy black]

hi dotcom02 read my PM 007 challenge

[dotcom02]

The purpose in life, for all of you, is to learn to think clearly, and then to live the opposite of your current experience that your unhappy with.

This complicated simplicity ofcourse escapes the majority. Unclear, incorrect, errant thoughts that permeate this and every thread, cause the suffering. And so as one suffers he begins to think aright, enlightening himself he comes to his own opposite conclusions about life and himself. Changing those beliefs, he changes his reality.

No exceptions, ever, period. There is no other way. There is nothing else to do of meaning, other than to learn to define yourselves, according to what is best for you, and unfortunately that conclusion often comes through suffering.

One must realize eventually, that you create and shape your reality, taking personal responsibility for how you feel, and for your actions both micro and en mass.

Now, there are infinate sub points, to a life, you see. But what has been said here is the main point for all humanity. You are alike children, in kinder care, in a sandbox that you cannot escape from until you learn to play nice, in thought and deed.

You wanted the truth, well now you have it. What will you do with it ?

Your "reason to life" is a guide to how to live, not a reason. What I got from your reply was there is no reason at all, but to sit here and deal with my problems until my life ends. In that point of view, then life was created for no reason so your "truth" doesn't make any sense at all. One does not exist for a no reason. With every action there is a reason and purpose behind this action, one does not do anything without a reason to do it. There is a reason to life, because creating life for no reason doesn't make sense. I refuse to believe your version of life. My emotions and feelings are irrelevant to finding this. Happiness is not the reason to life, happiness is the ending result of satisfaction or acceptance of fulfillment. In other terms, to be happy with myself would mean living substandard to my dreams and goals. I would have to accept my failure as my new standard and realize I will never become who I thought/wanted to be. That again, doesn't make sense either and my pride will not let me do that. Your analogy, I'm not searching for a reason to "play nice in the sand box", I trying to figure out why I am there in the first place. To "play nice" is how to make my time more bearable, not why I put there to begin with.

I don't believe in god, I don't believe in coincidences, I DO BELIEVE in consequences and there is a re-action for every action you do.


"What keeps you going? I gave up on the reason to life, I will never find it. At this point I just need something to hold on to just to keep me going"

This is the reason for life. So simple that you cant see it.

Find the psychological reasons behind your feelings and heal them. Healing those mental problems standing in the way of fulfillment are your current reason and purpose. That once those mental problems are resolved in your mind, you will be able to "keep going" without depression or fear. Only then, out from under the crushing mental baggage, will you see clearly.

Life was never meant to be about what you and everyone else thought it was.

Grow up through childhood, and school, get a job, find a mate, get married, have children, buy a house and car, struggle with money, deny yourself your whole life, bury the frustration, get sick and die. The whole time struggling with the internal demons of false beliefs, low esteem, and guilt, shame.

Thats the typical human condition, with plenty of drama thrown in to the mix. Television is drama, movies are drama, the news is drama, every time a human opens their mouth drama comes out. You must watch what you choose to believe out of all that haphazard chaos.

On a planet, alone in a universe, where men fight and kill each other, you think this is all there is ? Entranced by the physical illusion, most humans never escape it.

Most likely, throughout the rest of your life, you will never hear this information again, presented by my 2 posts in this thread. So what will you do, pretend ignorance and die unfulfilled, or do something to pull yourself out.

"Doing something" is mental work.

When I resolve these mental problems and come out of depression, then what? The question is still there and unanswered. To become so entranced in the thought of happiness to forget about this question is living a false reality. That is not fulfillment. Being "high" on life, living "normal", no longer being being brought down by the mental "baggage" of depression will not make this question go away. This is not the first, second, fifth, tenth, or hundredth time this has came up in my mind. This question is is only front and center because OF my depression right now.

When drama presents itself you cannot simply forget what has been done. One cannot forget what has been done, only accept and forgive. If you cannot forgive those actions, then its there forever. The problem I have is I CAN'T forget anything, my mind will not allow this. I have things from 20 years ago still haunting my mind. All it takes is a similar situation and it will come into my train of thoughts. Changing one's outlook on life is impossible. Those morals and reasoning's drilled into one's head had emotions attached, those emotions drive the reasons to believe one does what they do. To change this is to go against all one's life lessons they learned. That is fighting fact with fiction. You can't justify it. Having anxiety doesn't help this, only hinder this issue even more.

The reason to life is an objective, a task, or a mission not an ideology of ones emotional state during their existence.

[Im-Suffering]

What you believe is whats causing you pain. Change your beliefs and the pain goes away. Learning to play nice is the purpose and the main reason. With yourself first, and then with others. That there is inherent value in all life, even in your enemy. Especially in those you do not like. Recognizing that innate integrity one can no longer behave and believe in his old ways and his life begins to change, having a ripple effect en mass.

How do you change your beliefs? By first recognizing that what you believe is not a fact of life, but a learned conditioned response to stimuli, through parents or caretakers, or ones early experiences. Second not giving yourself over to negative influences, and most importantly, to decide to examine and change them. We are not talking about a plippant decision, but one backed by all your power and intent, burning all bridges where retreat an impossibility. You have all made decisions in your lives backed by this power, so you understand what it takes.

Now, you have free will to believe what you wish, its your journey, and that includes believing me, but if your beliefs are bringing you pain, you might eventually wish to do the inner work and get on with it. Without doing the mental personal work, none of this could make sense, and rightly so as you would be entirely entranced by the physical life, lost in a sea of crafty illusions.

Your beliefs cause:

Ill health
Floundering through life
Depression
Despondency
Unhappiness
Anxiety
Mental illness
Cruelty
Wars
Broken relationships
Shame
Guilt
Low self worth
Hate
Lonliness
Poverty

So on and so forth. The belief comes before the trouble, and causes it, not the other way around, no exceptions.

[dotcom02]

What you believe is whats causing you pain. Change your beliefs and the pain goes away. Learning to play nice is the purpose and the main reason. With yourself first, and then with others. That there is inherent value in all life, even in your enemy. Especially in those you do not like. Recognizing that innate integrity one can no longer behave and believe in his old ways and his life begins to change, having a ripple effect en mass.

How do you change your beliefs? By first recognizing that what you believe is not a fact of life, but a learned conditioned response to stimuli, through parents or caretakers, or ones early experiences. Second not giving yourself over to negative influences, and most importantly, to decide to examine and change them. We are not talking about a plippant decision, but one backed by all your power and intent, burning all bridges where retreat an impossibility. You have all made decisions in your lives backed by this power, so you understand what it takes.

Now, you have free will to believe what you wish, its your journey, and that includes believing me, but if your beliefs are bringing you pain, you might eventually wish to do the inner work and get on with it. Without doing the mental personal work, none of this could make sense, and rightly so as you would be entirely entranced by the physical life, lost in a sea of crafty illusions.

Your beliefs cause:

Ill health
Floundering through life
Depression
Despondency
Unhappiness
Anxiety
Mental illness
Cruelty
Wars
Broken relationships
Shame
Guilt
Low self worth
Hate
Lonliness
Poverty

So on and so forth. The belief comes before the trouble, and causes it, not the other way around, no exceptions.

You continue to state ideology. You go back to how to live, not why. Your ideology is changing the whole human instinct of someone to something of false reality. You are saying that one must go back and change the definition of their self to something acceptable. That's not doing anything but evolving one's self to accept who they are now, not what they wanted to be. That's would considered giving up and accepting your current state of failure as a success. Learning to "play nice" goes back to what I said last post. Your stating an infinite loop, just to change reasons every post. First you claim happiness, now its value of a person. The value of a person is up the up the prospected buyer, value can only be determined when someone has interest in owning it. If no interest is is shown then there no value is given.

Change one's beliefs is going against one's Morales. It cannot happen. Morales are hardwired, they do no not change. Changing ones views on something is fighting fact with fiction. It CANNOT be justified unless the prior experiences one believed are considered irrational.

To erase all Morales, beliefs, and thoughts to start over believing anything? You ideology makes absolutely no sense. To completely start over and redefine everything, including human instincts, just to possibly compete the cycle and end up back in the same spot before? That's not's reasonable, that's being delusional. That's escaping life by refining everything and creating your own world to live in, to never except the truth. That's the pure definition of insanity. I know see why we don't see eye to eye. Your definition is beyond human, to retreat back into one's own false sense of reality. To accept everything I've experienced in life as an illusion. To accept my emotions are not real and become something fake. Something I molded into what I "believe" is acceptable regardless of natural tendencies. That's not "real", that's living life as a lie, living one's own illusion to accept failure as success.

Was fun to dig deep into my mind to figure some of this out but your statements I do not agree with. I cannot accept them as a course of action.

[Ponder]

......For the long term depression people, how did you make it this far? What keeps you going? I gave up on the reason to life, I will never find it. At this point I just need something to hold on to just to keep me going.....

TTS Text To Speech -for an effortless read try the following link - and or just read on:
http://www.ispeech.org/view/783530/4972239/
Please advise it the link works? TIA

Hi dotcom02, I hope this finds you well enough. Please allow me to take this opportunity to find some much needed space within this question you have posed so well. Your question and the timing it crosses my path is a welcome lift, in an otherwise mundane existence . I thank you for that.

Long Term Depression hey. I smile slightly as I know such a condition very well. I won't bore you with my life's story. Giving up our personal story/s is one concept among many others that abound. I want to reach out, but I also do not want to come across as right or wrong. I am on your side. If I was to be an icon for clinical depression, a well used one that knows of no escape; my advice to endure the pain goes along the lines of Giving In. I mean not to imply giving up. Not by a long shot. I mean more in the context of surrendering.

We need to be honest with ourselves when reaching out to others. I struggle very much with confidence issues and am not nearly as composed as I may otherwise articulate when afforded my own space. People are so quick in telling others why, what and how they should think. Coming to understand human behaviour, the human condition and how it relates to ourselves as well as others can sometimes serve as helpful, but more often than not ends up as fuel to fire. I find one way to avoid burning bridges and needing no reason to live, is to accept that fires are just part and parcel to life; just as death is only one point within the cycle of life.

The beauty of giving in, is that finding some kind of point is no longer drive that's required in order to live. Drive and Desire take on new meaning once one has suffered enough. Words fail to express the space that comes from such wisdom which gives me strength to get back up on my feet. All I can do from such a point, is inhabit my body and accept what is within. I know enough long term sufferers in here, to know they know well what I mean. I mean not to assume or take liberties, but when it comes to battling hard core mental imbalances that afford us no opportunity to have a break ... that day in day out we are faced with continual pain, we only have our bodies into which we reside with no escape.

Anything you can name as an escape I have done it. That's the long and short of that topic. I'm still here, so are others; many are not. It'snot about toughening up. That's not going to work. The term "soldiering on" may also have it's place, but just like the intellectualizing of human behaviour, such sentiments often see people march on in pain till their very ends. The context of the latter more meaning that philosophizing often leads more into a need for reason, which then can be further complicated into a "need" to live. All in all, a needs based existence which falls into line with our current conditioning.

I now catch myself falling into the trap of intellectualising and loosing sight of what really matters when it comes to letting you know, that as a clinical case and a long term sufferer - constantly having to account for the welfare currency; how is it that I keep going? I Give In. People can see me as how they choose. In fact I will agree with whatever they say. It's so much easier than pretending to be something I really don't want to be. Ware the labels and ware them well. You can redefine whatever others think. What's more important is what we ourselves think. Invested time and emotion is so overrated. We cling far too much to such temporary ideology, concepts and things. Once I came and still come to understand how futile such belief systems holds myself and others back, after dealing with the frustration and still often do, I require only fresh air, water and the most basic of needs. Now to keep it real, and acknowledging myself plugged into the matrix with all it's current systems -whether I am connected to this keyboard or out catching some rays ...I do whatever I can to find my own space. The smaller I can make myself, the easier that be.

The system is rather challenged with more and more people withdrawing like so. The system will often attempt to brand such people as regressed. A negative spin that is often imprinted on people for lack of participation in a world that only knows how to consume. Age does not have to weary a soul, but long term suffering does. It's not about young Vs Old - culture and all those things are but like topics for distraction like how much Oprah Winfrey's shoe's sold at last auction. The young are as disillusioned as the old, just as the old are as blinded as the young. We are all in this boat together.

Letting Go. That there is the ticket. It's not anyone's fault. In order to breathe, we often need to let go and sink. That my good friend, is how I often find my hold. From there I instinctively hang on and let the boat do the rest. The illusion is that those in the boat believe I am fare worse off. They fail to appreciate the freedom outside the boat. How my hold is far less of a cling. From such a perspective, I only need float on my back and take in the breeze.

"Hanging on", need not nearly be as blasé as the cliché sounds. Learning the art of letting go, can indeed end up providing a much better hold. In that light I encourage you hang on like so; you will be pleasantly surprised at just how life can become an effortless ride.

[Im-Suffering]

Clear thinking does not include any truths, only potential. Clarity brings its own sponteneity and order. But one cannot begin to see without first clearing the path, so to speak. And i tell you that what comes out of the work we discuss here (belief work, releasing, healing) is something you can not now begin to imagine while still enmeshed in the old outdated ideas about reality that are not working for you, so to speak.

Every single thought is attracted by a belief. And so the believer simply needs to change his ideas. The answers you are after come from within in proportion to the released ideas of old, and will surely come as swift as more mental space is given them.

Let me quote you here, in your terms, you are 'haunted' by the past:

"Changing one's outlook on life is impossible. Those morals and reasoning's drilled into one's head had emotions attached, those emotions drive the reasons to believe one does what they do. To change this is to go against all one's life lessons they learned. That is fighting fact with fiction. You can't justify it. Having anxiety doesn't help this, only hinder this issue even more"

Now, that is simply not true. One could go into the past, change it mentally, thereby creating a different future. Nothing is set in stone. You can forgive yourself, my dear, you see. You will then carry forth the lessons without the pain.

Now, you are communicating with me from a strict rigid set of beliefs, just as the more gloves you cover your hands with, the less in touch with your feelings and physical sensations. Beliefs are like the gloves, you must take them off to correctly interpret your reality and find your answers.

Do take some of this with you on your journey, my friend.

[Ponder]

[Edit]
$- /Sudo
$- / Sometimes /I /wonder why /I even bother
$- / back /to my /rock
$- /exit

[dotcom02]

Hi dotcom02, I hope this finds you well enough. Please allow me to take this opportunity to find some much needed space within this question you have posed so well. Your question and the timing it crosses my path is a welcome lift, in an otherwise mundane existence . I thank you for that. [/COLOR]

Long Term Depression hey. I smile slightly as I know such a condition very well. I won't bore you with my life's story. Giving up our personal story/s is one concept among many others that abound. I want to reach out, but I also do not want to come across as right or wrong. I am on your side. If I was to be an icon for clinical depression, a well used one that knows of no escape; my advice to endure the pain goes along the lines of Giving In. I mean not to imply giving up. Not by a long shot. I mean more in the context of surrendering.

We need to be honest with ourselves when reaching out to others. I struggle very much with confidence issues and am not nearly as composed as I may otherwise articulate when afforded my own space. People are so quick in telling others why, what and how they should think. Coming to understand human behaviour, the human condition and how it relates to ourselves as well as others can sometimes serve as helpful, but more often than not ends up as fuel to fire. I find one way to avoid burning bridges and needing no reason to live, is to accept that fires are just part and parcel to life; just as death is only one point within the cycle of life.

The beauty of giving in, is that finding some kind of point is no longer drive that's required in order to live. Drive and Desire take on new meaning once one has suffered enough. Words fail to express the space that comes from such wisdom which gives me strength to get back up on my feet. All I can do from such a point, is inhabit my body and accept what is within. I know enough long term sufferers in here, to know they know well what I mean. I mean not to assume or take liberties, but when it comes to battling hard core mental imbalances that afford us no opportunity to have a break ... that day in day out we are faced with continual pain, we only have our bodies into which we reside with no escape.

Anything you can name as an escape I have done it. That's the long and short of that topic. I'm still here, so are others; many are not. It'snot about toughening up. That's not going to work. The term "soldiering on" may also have it's place, but just like the intellectualizing of human behaviour, such sentiments often see people march on in pain till their very ends. The context of the latter more meaning that philosophizing often leads more into a need for reason, which then can be further complicated into a "need" to live. All in all, a needs based existence which falls into line with our current conditioning.

I now catch myself falling into the trap of intellectualising and loosing sight of what really matters when it comes to letting you know, that as a clinical case and a long term sufferer - constantly having to account for the welfare currency; how is it that I keep going? I Give In. People can see me as how they choose. In fact I will agree with whatever they say. It's so much easier than pretending to be something I really don't want to be. Ware the labels and ware them well. You can redefine whatever others think. What's more important is what we ourselves think. Invested time and emotion is so overrated. We cling far too much to such temporary ideology, concepts and things. Once I came and still come to understand how futile such belief systems holds myself and others back, after dealing with the frustration and still often do, I require only fresh air, water and the most basic of needs. Now to keep it real, and acknowledging myself plugged into the matrix with all it's current systems -whether I am connected to this keyboard or out catching some rays ...I do whatever I can to find my own space. The smaller I can make myself, the easier that be.

The system is rather challenged with more and more people withdrawing like so. The system will often attempt to brand such people as regressed. A negative spin that is often imprinted on people for lack of participation in a world that only knows how to consume. Age does not have to weary a soul, but long term suffering does. It's not about young Vs Old - culture and all those things are but like topics for distraction like how much Oprah Winfrey's shoe's sold at last auction. The young are as disillusioned as the old, just as the old are as blinded as the young. We are all in this boat together.

Letting Go. That there is the ticket. It's not anyone's fault. In order to breathe, we often need to let go and sink. That my good friend, is how I often find my hold. From there I instinctively hang on and let the boat do the rest. The illusion is that those in the boat believe I am fare worse off. They fail to appreciate the freedom outside the boat. How my hold is far less of a cling. From such a perspective, I only need float on my back and take in the breeze.

"Hanging on", need not nearly be as blasé as the cliché sounds. Learning the art of letting go, can indeed end up providing a much better hold. In that light I encourage you hang on like so; you will be pleasantly surprised at just how life can become an effortless ride.

Yesterday, I had a vent session with a friend and I exploded, letting everything out. I was able to calm down afterwords. I came back to read this while I wasn't at the peak of my emotions. It makes allot of sense. This idea is something that I was pondering if was even possible to sustain long term. To let go and just "float". Letting go will be allot harder for me to do. I'm going to do some research into calming myself, with my emotions and my anger. I think once I can control my emotions better, this will be allot easier. I didn't mean to be so difficult to deal with prior, I have always been know to be a stubborn one. Its hard to convince me something I don't see eye to eye with. When something makes sense, it hits my head harder.

Im-Suffering, I want to apologize. I didn't mean to "argue" with your advise, it was just so frustrating. The "riddle me this" statements were too vague, making it all more confusing. Not to mention when I was reading it, my mind was in a very bad state. Yes your right, "Clarity brings its own spontaneity and order", I realize this now.

I feel like a dick right now, I come to this forum for advice and ended up debate/argue with it. I feel like I've repeated history. I did this same thing a month ago but in a different scenario with my friends.