Anxiety ruining your relationship??

[Bungle]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum and I really appreciate everyone's posts. I don't feel quite so alone with my anxiety right now.

I have had issues with anxiety for a year now, since I turned 25, and am having counselling to try and overcome it. I am engaged but I'm finding that my anxiety is having a real impact on my husband to be. He's become impatient because he wants me to 'click back' to normal. I really wish I could do this but it is taking time, and although I'm making progress, it's not instantaneous.

He isn't understanding enough (or that's how I feel) and he wishes I am the person I was, before this got hold of me. Does anyone have a similar problem, or any words of wisdom? I feel very lonely with anxiety, and because of its nature you often hide yourself away....

[Robbed]

It might be best to have your husband-to-be learn as much about anxiety disorder as possible. Have him realize that, while anxiety disorder can be overcome, it will NEVER happen overnight. This is something that the two of you need to work through. If he just wants no part of it, and just insists that you 'snap out of it', then maybe he is not for you. If he truly feels this way about your anxiety disorder, then he will probably feel the same way about ANY difficulty that you might go through.

[Evilbob333]

Hi Bungle, sorry to hear your story about your fiancee. I dont want to be a doomsayer here but i just split up with my fiancee for this very reason. I couldnt go on holiday with her this summer because i felt far too distressed with my anxiety. Her response was to tell me to stop being selfish! Its funny because if you were unwell in any other way, i.e. physically you would be showered with sympathy, but beause its an invisible condition you're treated like it doesnt exist. well unfortunately it does and your fiancee needs to recognise that before he does irreparable damage to how you feel about him.
I absolutely agree with robbed...a great way to start would be by having him educate himself on the issue and its effect and impact...even reading through posts on this forum would be a great start.
What you are going through is a very real and very difficult problem, and this is the time when you need his support and understanding more than ever. I'm sure that if you can get him to sit and discuss this problem and read some of these posts or info from elsewhere, his love for you and common sense will shine through and he'll do what he can to help.
Best of luck!

[Bungle]

Hi Robbed and Evilbob333,

Apologies for the long post - need to get this off my chest....

Thanks so much for your posts. I think you're both right saying that if H2B can't or won't understand it, then there's more than my own issue of anxiety to consider. And guess what?...That's a scary thing to deal which probably is contributing to my anxiety! :cry:

Robbed, I have thought the same about his way of dealing with other difficulties I have in the future and it does concern me.

I consider myself to be a caring person and in the main my H2B is. However, he seems to have lost that a bit recently; I'm going to have my wisdom teeth out under a general next week and he's not coming to the hospital with me because he had a prearranged jolly (going on the track in his porsche). In many ways I want him there (my Mum is coming instead) but then because my anxiety has been curtailing not only my life, but his, I want him to do it because it's something enjoyable for him.

Evilbob, I did have a holiday with him last month, but because I won't fly we stayed in England. The weather was rubbish and we were bored and we didn't come back refreshed, like we would have had we been away in the sun. I think that's where he's lost his patience - and understandably so. We both have high stress jobs and he deserved his break too.

I am really trying to keep positive and over the last few months I have made real progress by doing things I wouldn't have done 6 months ago- went to London and travelled on the tube for a weekend, managed to go to the cinema and theatre again, drove, enjoyed hiking again and did a big presentation at work...but H2B's capacity to make me feel like I'm back at sqaure one is amazing. Telling me that I'm not the same person etc really upsets me, and he's made me feel like I'm very selfish right now.

It's fair to say I probably am selfish as I'm in self preservation mode, but when I can be unselfish, I do try....oh well. I'm sure it'll all work out....on a bit of a downer today...sorry to moan :?

[Evilbob333]

Hi Bungle

I totally appreciate all of the stuff about you both having high pressured job, and i, like you can totally see his side of the argument.

The thing is, you are totally aware that you're not entirely yourself at the moment but as you said you've made some really positive moves in the right direction...giving your presentation and going on the tubes, etc... These are all steps in the right direction and steps back to becoming yourself.

As for being selfish...anxiety may seem to others like a selfish condition but thats a symptom of the problem...always looking inward, etc... It sounds to me that you're a very considerate partner, as you can see things from his point of view and are even understanding enough to look him go and have a bit of Me time whilst you're going for your op.

Anyway, keep up your positive work and keep going forwards...things will right themselves in time.

Best of luck