ajnj
12-01-2015, 09:13 PM
I'm not going to mince words - my life has utterly been in shambles, and has been for some time.
I am a 21 year old male with clinical anxiety, depression, a NVLD (non-verbal learning disorder), and complete contempt for it all. Every waking moment of my existence has been geared around fighting a losing battle that never gets any easier. I've been hospitalized twice as a teenager as a result of shutting down under the weight of it all, and although its been the better part of a decade since then, I still struggle greatly in that department.
I've recently dropped all my college courses for the second straight semester, passed up on a job by not showing up for the first day, and have spent most of my time alone in the dark. I don't want to keep treading water anymore, and the idea of spending the rest of my life aspiring to beat my afflictions does not appeal to me.
I'm a very stubborn, angry individual who has a tendency to fight with others and have developed a reputation of being a loose cannon, which certainly doesn't help my failing social life.
To be completely honest, I'm just not cut out to be one of these people who embrace their disabilities. I went to a special-ed high school for kids with emotional issues, and was known to be incredibly mean and cutting, especially in group therapy. I've spent more than enough time going through the whole "mental health" ringer and I just want to exit stage right and not have to ever deal with it, or anybody relating to it, ever again.
In my mind, depression, anxiety, and other disabilities aren't something that you should be proud of, and parading it around like it's a part of you is just foolish.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way?
I can't take it anymore. I'm done fighting to get back up only to get knocked down.
I am a 21 year old male with clinical anxiety, depression, a NVLD (non-verbal learning disorder), and complete contempt for it all. Every waking moment of my existence has been geared around fighting a losing battle that never gets any easier. I've been hospitalized twice as a teenager as a result of shutting down under the weight of it all, and although its been the better part of a decade since then, I still struggle greatly in that department.
I've recently dropped all my college courses for the second straight semester, passed up on a job by not showing up for the first day, and have spent most of my time alone in the dark. I don't want to keep treading water anymore, and the idea of spending the rest of my life aspiring to beat my afflictions does not appeal to me.
I'm a very stubborn, angry individual who has a tendency to fight with others and have developed a reputation of being a loose cannon, which certainly doesn't help my failing social life.
To be completely honest, I'm just not cut out to be one of these people who embrace their disabilities. I went to a special-ed high school for kids with emotional issues, and was known to be incredibly mean and cutting, especially in group therapy. I've spent more than enough time going through the whole "mental health" ringer and I just want to exit stage right and not have to ever deal with it, or anybody relating to it, ever again.
In my mind, depression, anxiety, and other disabilities aren't something that you should be proud of, and parading it around like it's a part of you is just foolish.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way?
I can't take it anymore. I'm done fighting to get back up only to get knocked down.