View Full Version : black bleakness
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 09:24 AM
i am currently in a black mode. just been on the phone with someone who can talk and talk and talk and i had to shut her up. i said," i cant deal with long conversations at the mo. my head feels cloudy and black".
when she is anxious she has verbal diarrhea and when i get depressed everything is bleak and heavy. but hey ho at least i havent got anxiety with it. i just dont know what to do with myself. if i could i would just sleep through today and tonight. but i cant do that as some people seem to be able to do.
i was up the town earlier and have come back feeling like shite. do other people feel terrible to the point of blackness when they are out. is this me or is it mental health trait? i am trying to look at the elephant in my life of anxiety and depression. the only thing is if you have too much information you tend to intellectualise your shite and it doesnt help long term but maybe i need to try a new approach...........:sick:
Hi,
Well everyone is different, and while many of us share some common symptoms, some people may lean further toward depressive states than others.
Have you tried CBT for you low mood? It can be really helpful.
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 11:50 AM
yes last year and i ended up having major anxiety! information overload. as it is i am doing what i can to keep it to a manageable level. but today and usually when i have been up town. now i only go once a month up town and that is because i have to. i know i need 2 party like its 2015 or was that 1999. o well life sucks. "i cant beat them and i wont be joining them" the i am so important and successful brigade
Im-Suffering
12-01-2015, 12:21 PM
yes last year and i ended up having major anxiety! information overload. as it is i am doing what i can to keep it to a manageable level. but today and usually when i have been up town. now i only go once a month up town and that is because i have to. i know i need 2 party like its 2015 or was that 1999. o well life sucks. "i cant beat them and i wont be joining them" the i am so important and successful brigade
There are atleast 4 negative beliefs and one core destructive belief in this post. Of course holding these beliefs contribute to, and frame your anxiety, physical and mental.
There are many more beliefs that 'bridge' these together to form a mental city covered in dark clouds, in your terms.
Can you or any reader list these beliefs? It's your work to do. First to recognize the contents of your own mind, then to believe differently and do the healing work. You all have beliefs, or your facts of life, and those 'truths' are the sole reason for your anxiety, no exceptions.
See I'm the opposite way, the more information I can gather on what I'm experiencing and the more I understand, the better I feel.
Im-Suffering
12-01-2015, 12:41 PM
Examine your :
Money beliefs
World view/beliefs
Relationship beliefs
Family beliefs
Beliefs about your body
Medical beliefs
Self worth beliefs
Guilt, shame, anger (personality beliefs, character traits)
Work beliefs
What is possible beliefs
Religious beliefs
Safety beliefs
Beliefs>emotions>feelings>experience
Should you wish to change your experience, you must change your mind about those beliefs that limit you, and, or, create fear and unhappiness, period.
There is no other rule, or way.
But then of course, you must believe me, or even care to begin this self examination with determination and a firm decision. Which not many will thread that needle.
'the kingdom of heaven is within, but it is easier to stray than to thread the eye of that needle. So few enter'
Riches in the Bible in the quote from Matthew is a metaphor for the mind, which one must empty, start anew, become as a small child, to rid self of the destructive false beliefs, to relearn who he is, to realize he has control of his mind. Doing away with childhood conditioning that binds him in his own private hell.
Hell, in those terms, is a state of mind, and again a metaphor, not a physical place. Not even death can reprieve from such a tortured mind. There is no escape in that context, from yourself.
You must do the personal work (healing your false beliefs) Sooner or later.
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 12:56 PM
hello Im-suffering. its the contents of my mind that have nearly driven me to utter despair.. and so i changed tack and keep myself busy all my waking hours in order not to think. because when i think i over analyse and my thoughts start racing...i find it so hard to focus on one thing because of the anxiety
Im-Suffering
12-01-2015, 01:01 PM
No!!!!!
The contents of your mind are not haphazard or there to attack you like a virus!!!
The contents of your mind, the thoughts, are attracted to you by your beliefs!! The thought is not the enemy, the belief is! That was instilled in you during childhood.
If you hold the belief, for example, 'people are untrustworthy' you understand, that would cause havoc not only in your physical life, but in your thoughts as well. You are running so wildly from your own mind, you would never think to look at your beliefs! To uncover your beliefs, write down your facts about life. I gave the checklist in the post above.
Beliefs > thoughts > emotions > feelings > experience
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 01:07 PM
o deeaar got a lot of toxic beliefs. its all like a plate of cold spaghetti overkill. i was thinking today unless i break my day up into wot was i thinking when i am thinking it. at the mo they seem quietly toxic i am not aware of the content. the next quetion i asked is how can i get insight into these toxic beliefs?
Im-Suffering
12-01-2015, 01:13 PM
Reread the post above, I edited and mentioned how to find your beliefs, they are conscious, often contained in your thoughts. Once you find one, you must not run from it, but examine it, let it show you the memories back to where you learned it, where it became a fact of life. Now as an adult, you can dispute those facts, you understand, which were never facts at all. Just a small child who was hurt and in pain.
Im-Suffering
12-01-2015, 01:15 PM
Reread this thread a few times, till it clicks, and then begin to do the work. Don't fear, the thoughts won't kill you or anyone else. They are there so you can grow, and get rid of the pain and hurt once and for all.
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 01:23 PM
yes information is only good up to a point (said the compass) for me i have difficulty processing information kinda hard to explain. but a number of years ago i went to a college and it was flagged up that i had some kind of dyslexia and i had a test and it kinda made sense what she said to me.
it explained so much of why school was a foxin nightmare for me. and i guess i had a belly full of curriculum and though i went on to try and improve my shite education. it was all to no avail and i know why now. i have had to self teach myself stuff because the learning styles are just so frustrating for me and i switch off. which is what i did at school. not once did i do any homework because i could never comprehend what was being asked. the teachers never ever pressed me why i didnt do my homework. they would accept my lame excuse and leave it at that.
it takes me many attempts to understand something and then it is more of a feeling than intellectual understanding which frustratingly i cant convert into language and it makes me look gormless. so i leave the clever cloggs to get on with it.
cloudy black
12-01-2015, 01:42 PM
ok will chew the fat a bit. thanks
ok will chew the fat a bit. thanks
Yuk! Don't chew fat..have some yummy lean meat, like chicken! Sweet delicious chicken! ;)
cloudy black
12-02-2015, 04:57 AM
ah but unless it is out of a tin/packet then i cant be bothered!
cloudy black
12-02-2015, 05:34 AM
Examine your :
Money beliefs
World view/beliefs
Relationship beliefs
Family beliefs
Beliefs about your body
Medical beliefs
Self worth beliefs
Guilt, shame, anger (personality beliefs, character traits)
Work beliefs
What is possible beliefs
Religious beliefs
Safety beliefs
Beliefs>emotions>feelings>experience
Should you wish to change your experience, you must change your mind about those beliefs that limit you, and, or, create fear and unhappiness, period.
There is no other rule, or way.
But then of course, you must believe me, or even care to begin this self examination with determination and a firm decision. Which not many will thread that needle.
'the kingdom of heaven is within, but it is easier to stray than to thread the eye of that needle. So few enter'
Riches in the Bible in the quote from Matthew is a metaphor for the mind, which one must empty, start anew, become as a small child, to rid self of the destructive false beliefs, to relearn who he is, to realize he has control of his mind. Doing away with childhood conditioning that binds him in his own private hell.
Hell, in those terms, is a state of mind, and again a metaphor, not a physical place. Not even death can reprieve from such a tortured mind. There is no escape in that context, from yourself.
You must do the personal work (healing your false beliefs) Sooner or later.
Hello Im-suffering
I will be looking at these in turn. I realise that I have a totally unworkable attitude to money it stinks in my world it has been the source of much anxiety and humiliation in my life. I see, and this sounds terrible, my nieces and nephews buying houses etc and I feel so sad (pathetic I know) that my life is just a bag of shite and so the embarrassment continues.
Money beliefs
Well ive worked on that one as a direct result of the poverty trap whilst in work.. as an young adult i got to learn that working hard got me nowhere. and this i believe sowed the seeds for deep insecurity. i didnt have any money over for food i just drank loads of tea with sugar to take away the hunger oh and rivitas to soak up the tea! and couldn’t keep up with payments for the rent due to severe lack of money and practically sat in the dark in order to save money.I had the bailiffs threatening to take action LOL. I had nothing in the flat everything was second hand. i almost came to the end of myself because i couldnt see any future i had no qualifications. . .
the only positive thing is. Over the years i have perfected my money issues to having the basics I can make a few dollars/pounds go a long way. I have to think forwards so that I do indeed have some money.
Indeed I have learnt to even be generous with my money. Well that is a miracle really going on my past history above. so things are better than they have been..
Im-Suffering
12-02-2015, 07:20 AM
Money is the physical equivalent symbolically of many human emotions. Self worth, esteem, happiness, guilt, shame, jealousy, compassion, empathy, safety or security, love. Man indeed created a wonderful tool to learn several life lessons.
No better way to learn value, no better tool to use to learn about love.
Because beliefs first manifest themselves as words, you can tell your beliefs why you suffer from the conscious thoughts. The thoughts then generate feelings which are meant to guide you back to your beliefs. Feelings are the true barometer of how you are doing. If you feel badly then you must trace that feeling back to its belief. Because as a general rule, you are alive to learn how to feel good, by changing the beliefs that generate the opposite in your mind. The living gig, is about development and the recognition of how special, and deserving you are, and so the whole purpose is to eliminate false beliefs toward the goal of self realization. Which is simply to feel good. Money presents many opportunities to get to know yourself.
Just a few false money beliefs:
Money is the root of all evil
Poverty is good for the soul
Rich people are terrible people
Wealthy people are selfish
Money spoils people
Money is corrupt or corrupts people
Poverty builds character
Religion warns people about money. You must tithe to receive. If you were to enter the kingdom of heaven you must give all your money away.
The connection between religion and money as far as beliefs are at the root of much poverty.
And remember, life itself is a belief. You are living the dream, as you dream it. You create your reality, and beliefs form the framework of experience. A held belief attracts to you thoughts from the ether, peers, that corroborate your idea allowing you to focus attention and create the experience. The problem is that people do not realize they can examine a belief or have the power to change it. That they are just ideas about reality, and not inherent facts about the nature of reality. The nature of reality is so vast as to include every belief at once allowing all the humans on earth to have their own private experience.
On the process of attraction, follow the thoughts:
Belief:
Money is the root of all evil
Thoughts:
I am good. People with money are bad. I never want to be bad. I don't need money. I can get by on pennies and retain my integrity. I will friend only poor people, work at a job that pays little, and even though I feel low and down most of the time I know I will not be corrupted. I will live without. I will go to heaven. And even though I feel anger and resentment, fear or jealousy, I will bury my feelings and devalue myself by invalidating them as carnal and not of a lofty man in thought.
Now, you can see how one belief by attraction leads to other thoughts along the same train of thought building idea upon idea, giving energy and ultimately framing your experience. By example, if you have health anxiety, and Google symptoms, such research will lead deeper and deeper into despair and fear, through the law of attraction as just given.
I am showing you the process of your mind, and that your beliefs can be changed, followed by your experience where anything truly is possible.
What is the purpose of life? Why is mankind alone in his universe? Because he is learning to think aright, and direct his mind purposefully understanding the responsibility in his hands. Until then, he will be secluded on some kindergarten-like planet, you see. Where he must first learn to play nice in his own sandbox, realizing ultimately not only his own self worth, but the value inherent in all of life. Only then will he be free.
That is what you are learning.
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