Can anyone actually help me?

[Vindogg]

Even as I type this I know no one on here will be able to help me, no matter what I say. You probably think this is just stupid, but this problem of mine is more then just a problem. It's defined my entire life, my personality, my confidence, my ambition, literally my entire existence has been impacted by this.I've been seeking the answer to my problem for a VERY long time. I've heard all the "focus on your future, things will fall into place someday" bs. But what if someday never comes? No matter what I'm doing or where I'm at I worry about what others are thinking about me. When I'm around other people I feel like they don't really want me there, like I'm completely boring them and they just tolerate my presence, like every conversation I have is forced.And yes- I'm scared to death of talking to women. I'm 20 years old, 160lbs, and I'm 5'7" tall. Women don't talk to me...ever. They don't hit me up on Facebook, ask me for my number, or ever show any interest in making plans with me. They show no interest in me whatsoever. I want to talk to them, along with other people, really bad. Ive longed for it literally my entire life, the feeling of being wanted, respected, and interesting. But it seems literally every single girl I find attractive and interesting wants nothing to do with me. Maybe if I could talk to them it would help but it's not that simple. I have to have something to talk about first, which I don't. Nothing they would be interested in anyways. I've never been able to talk to people because every time I try I just end up getting nervous and awkward and feeling like I put my foot in my mouth. I feel like I say the dumbest shit. My only real hobby is being a car guy. That's literally all I talk about because I don't know what else to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I try my hand at a lot of things but I'm not good at any of it. I always try really hard at first bit in the end it's always the same, I wind up getting frustrated and lose interest. I need help so bad, but I can't ask anyone around me because I'm afraid of what they will think and say. I tried talking to my mom about things once because she's the nicest person I know and she just turned it into a joke and asked me if I was trying to say I'm gay or something. Then she asked me if I thought I needed to see a counselor or something and I said no even though I really wanted to say yes and that was the end of the conversation. I need help so bad, but Im so scared to ask anyone around me because of what they will think. I feel as if I'm locked inside my own hell, like I was born to lose and that's just the way it is. I don't just want it, I need it. I need someone to set me free, I don't think I can do it myself. I've been trying to solve this puzzle for so long and I'm ready to call it quits. I can't take this shit anymore man. I keep it all bottled up and I'm ready to explode.

[Dahila]

Welcome to the forum. You are kind of right, no one will help you if you do not help yourself. You are suffering with low self esteem and therapy would do good to you. If you avoid saying yes to your needs , write on the piece of paper and show it. I think you must be young person, and we have people who suffer with it even in old age. :)) You will find friends here and understanding :)

[dotcom02]

Vindogg, Your words describe me exactly, even being a car enthusiast. Its like every conversation you can see them loosing interest looking for a distraction or a way out of the conversation with you. You say things way different than they present themselves in your mind? I'm a local mechanic, its my passion, it what I always look forward to everyday and Its the only thing that keeps me happy.

I've recently came to the realization that opening up is the best thing I've ever done. I'm sure you do the same thing I do, when in public you lock up your feelings and hide them away. When you get home everything comes out. I've tried and tried to keep myself bottled away for my whole life until recently in the last couple of years it exploded tenfold. Since then I've opened up to everyone, when I'm angry, depressed, even when I hit rock bottom. If your friends truly care about you, they will notice and your fake friends will distance them from you. Surround yourself with people who care about you and when you can be yourself, you will find true happiness. What worked for me is a huge change of everything for me, my friends, my attitude, my goals and returning my personality back to who I was and not who I was trying to be.

Open up to your mom. If you can't talk to her, write it down and hand it to her, or even show her the post you made. I know she cares deeply about you to help you. Seeking help is not being weak, no one is perfect but keeping it bottling it in is not helping your situation. I went though everything your feeling now 3 weeks ago, be strong. No one will know anything your feeling unless you tell them. I've caught a few people off guard opening up and they had no idea how I was feeling.

[Vindogg]

Welcome to the forum. You are kind of right, no one will help you if you do not help yourself. You are suffering with low self esteem and therapy would do good to you. If you avoid saying yes to your needs , write on the piece of paper and show it. I think you must be young person, and we have people who suffer with it even in old age. :)) You will find friends here and understanding :)

Oh yes I'm young, that must be my problem. No. If you would have read past the first sentence you would see that I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me my entire life and after years of failing "helping" myself I've accomplished nothing other then becoming bitter and defeated. I can't imagine feeling this way for another 50 years. But maybe your right, maybe I can see a therapist so they can put me on some meds and numb my brain even further from reality. That would be much better than some actual advice.

[dotcom02]

Dahila wasn't trying to be rude or disrespectful, most people with anxiety deal with it in their own way. Don't take it wrong, but Dahila is right, no one will help you if you do not help yourself. You wouldn't be on this website if you didn't think you had some sort of anxiety and since your here your seeking help for a problem you know that is there. Seeking help in the forum of a therapist has done wonders for millions of people. Allot of people have different views on medication. I'd never thought of taking medication for my anxiety until I had the same mindset you have now. Part of me said help me, part said no way. For me it helps me control my thoughts, not remove them.

[Vindogg]

Vindogg, Your words describe me exactly, even being a car enthusiast. Its like every conversation you can see them loosing interest looking for a distraction or a way out of the conversation with you. You say things way different than they present themselves in your mind? I'm a local mechanic, its my passion, it what I always look forward to everyday and Its the only thing that keeps me happy.

I've recently came to the realization that opening up is the best thing I've ever done. I'm sure you do the same thing I do, when in public you lock up your feelings and hide them away. When you get home everything comes out. I've tried and tried to keep myself bottled away for my whole life until recently in the last couple of years it exploded tenfold. Since then I've opened up to everyone, when I'm angry, depressed, even when I hit rock bottom. If your friends truly care about you, they will notice and your fake friends will distance them from you. Surround yourself with people who care about you and when you can be yourself, you will find true happiness. What worked for me is a huge change of everything for me, my friends, my attitude, my goals and returning my personality back to who I was and not who I was trying to be.

Open up to your mom. If you can't talk to her, write it down and hand it to her, or even show her the post you made. I know she cares deeply about you to help you. Seeking help is not being weak, no one is perfect but keeping it bottling it in is not helping your situation. I went though everything your feeling now 3 weeks ago, be strong. No one will know anything your feeling unless you tell them. I've caught a few people off guard opening up and they had no idea how I was feeling.
I want to open up to people so bad but when I try my mind goes blank and I can't figure out how to describe my feelings... Writing things down would make it easier but I don't know if I could actually build up the nerve to show it to someone. In scared they would read it and just think I'm crazy. Sometimes i think I'm crazy. I don't think anyone knows how I really feel. Not my friends, not my family, no one. Im worried that even if I told them they wouldn't know how to help me.

[idk2012ftw]

I think you may be experiencing low self esteem and need to build your confidence to talk to girls.Only you have the ability to allow yourself to improve your confidence. Its okay to be timid and afraid to talk to others. As a girl, I become timid to talk to guys because im afraid of what they might think of me. Not everyone will like you just like not everyone might like me and you cant please everyone you want. I might not be as helpful as you would like but if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me anytime. :)

[Vindogg]

I'm sorry, I know Dahila had nothing but good intentions. I shouldn't have responded like that... In just in a bad place right now. I know everyone here has issues similar to mine. Im just so sick of dealing with it day after day and somehow I knew the first response to my post was going to be about helping myself and it disappointed me because idk how.

[dotcom02]

You won't know how they will think until you share it with them. Your parents are wiser than you give them credit. Your parents might have even gone through similar situations and can relate. Your mom already offered you help and you wanted to say yes.


I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me my entire life and after years of failing "helping" myself I've accomplished nothing other then becoming bitter and defeated.
Everyone read your post, they understood the question and is offering advice. You admitted you failed helping yourself so the advice I give is getting help. You will beat yourself further into depression pondering that question. The answer is already there, realizing it comes with understanding your thoughts clear. Without help relieving your anxiety you cannot achieve your answer.

[Vindogg]

I think you may be experiencing low self esteem and need to build your confidence to talk to girls.Only you have the ability to allow yourself to improve your confidence. Its okay to be timid and afraid to talk to others. As a girl, I become timid to talk to guys because im afraid of what they might think of me. Not everyone will like you just like not everyone might like me and you cant please everyone you want. I might not be as helpful as you would like but if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me anytime. :)
Thank you. My self esteem is basically non existent most of the time. Sometimes I feel OK and it's almost as if I'm a different person but it's only when I'm by myself and at the wrong times. As soon as I'm around a group of people or a pretty girl I just kind of shut down. It's so frustrating because I want to make new friends but I can't.

[Dahila]

You can not imagine. Look at me, this is the way I live, I am old woman and still kicking, even with my awful social phobia and anxiety and panic attacks, What's even better I have two grown up children, raised them myself and one grandchild:)
I thought I will not feel this way for another 50 years but I had done nothing, not therapy, no meds, the only thing I did was meditation. I am not judging you and I gave you an advice, one day you will say thank you for it. No one will help you if you do not want to help yourself.
It is 4:13 am and I am still not sleeping , I tried hard but it is not coming and it is like that at least 15 years..............
I heard your asking for help , I had.

[jessed03]

Even as I type this I know no one on here will be able to help me, no matter what I say. You probably think this is just stupid, but this problem of mine is more then just a problem. It's defined my entire life, my personality, my confidence, my ambition, literally my entire existence has been impacted by this.I've been seeking the answer to my problem for a VERY long time. I've heard all the "focus on your future, things will fall into place someday" bs. But what if someday never comes? No matter what I'm doing or where I'm at I worry about what others are thinking about me. When I'm around other people I feel like they don't really want me there, like I'm completely boring them and they just tolerate my presence, like every conversation I have is forced.And yes- I'm scared to death of talking to women. I'm 20 years old, 160lbs, and I'm 5'7" tall. Women don't talk to me...ever. They don't hit me up on Facebook, ask me for my number, or ever show any interest in making plans with me. They show no interest in me whatsoever. I want to talk to them, along with other people, really bad. Ive longed for it literally my entire life, the feeling of being wanted, respected, and interesting. But it seems literally every single girl I find attractive and interesting wants nothing to do with me. Maybe if I could talk to them it would help but it's not that simple. I have to have something to talk about first, which I don't. Nothing they would be interested in anyways. I've never been able to talk to people because every time I try I just end up getting nervous and awkward and feeling like I put my foot in my mouth. I feel like I say the dumbest shit. My only real hobby is being a car guy. That's literally all I talk about because I don't know what else to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I try my hand at a lot of things but I'm not good at any of it. I always try really hard at first bit in the end it's always the same, I wind up getting frustrated and lose interest. I need help so bad, but I can't ask anyone around me because I'm afraid of what they will think and say. I tried talking to my mom about things once because she's the nicest person I know and she just turned it into a joke and asked me if I was trying to say I'm gay or something. Then she asked me if I thought I needed to see a counselor or something and I said no even though I really wanted to say yes and that was the end of the conversation. I need help so bad, but Im so scared to ask anyone around me because of what they will think. I feel as if I'm locked inside my own hell, like I was born to lose and that's just the way it is. I don't just want it, I need it. I need someone to set me free, I don't think I can do it myself. I've been trying to solve this puzzle for so long and I'm ready to call it quits. I can't take this shit anymore man. I keep it all bottled up and I'm ready to explode.

How would you rate yourself, looks wise?

[Im-Suffering]

Self fulfilling prophecy, of course. You see what you want to see. You create your own reality. How can one think the same thoughts every day and expect change?

If there is but one thing a man has control over it is his own mind. And following that, ironically, and by design, the mind creates everything. A loss of control is a mind susceptible to outside negative influences. To take back your own life is to believe you can first, and set your mind to it, literally, protecting yourself at all costs from your peers destructive thought patterns.

Easier said than done from an already weakened state. But it is the only way out of this dilemma. Well, the only 'healthy' way out

[cloudy black]

Even as I type this I know no one on here will be able to help me, no matter what I say. You probably think this is just stupid, but this problem of mine is more then just a problem. It's defined my entire life, my personality, my confidence, my ambition, literally my entire existence has been impacted by this.I've been seeking the answer to my problem for a VERY long time. I've heard all the "focus on your future, things will fall into place someday" bs. But what if someday never comes? No matter what I'm doing or where I'm at I worry about what others are thinking about me. When I'm around other people I feel like they don't really want me there, like I'm completely boring them and they just tolerate my presence, like every conversation I have is forced.And yes- I'm scared to death of talking to women. I'm 20 years old, 160lbs, and I'm 5'7" tall. Women don't talk to me...ever. They don't hit me up on Facebook, ask me for my number, or ever show any interest in making plans with me. They show no interest in me whatsoever. I want to talk to them, along with other people, really bad. Ive longed for it literally my entire life, the feeling of being wanted, respected, and interesting. But it seems literally every single girl I find attractive and interesting wants nothing to do with me. Maybe if I could talk to them it would help but it's not that simple. I have to have something to talk about first, which I don't. Nothing they would be interested in anyways. I've never been able to talk to people because every time I try I just end up getting nervous and awkward and feeling like I put my foot in my mouth. I feel like I say the dumbest shit. My only real hobby is being a car guy. That's literally all I talk about because I don't know what else to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I try my hand at a lot of things but I'm not good at any of it. I always try really hard at first bit in the end it's always the same, I wind up getting frustrated and lose interest. I need help so bad, but I can't ask anyone around me because I'm afraid of what they will think and say. I tried talking to my mom about things once because she's the nicest person I know and she just turned it into a joke and asked me if I was trying to say I'm gay or something. Then she asked me if I thought I needed to see a counselor or something and I said no even though I really wanted to say yes and that was the end of the conversation. I need help so bad, but Im so scared to ask anyone around me because of what they will think. I feel as if I'm locked inside my own hell, like I was born to lose and that's just the way it is. I don't just want it, I need it. I need someone to set me free, I don't think I can do it myself. I've been trying to solve this puzzle for so long and I'm ready to call it quits. I can't take this shit anymore man. I keep it all bottled up and I'm ready to explode.

Ah there is the problem to start with you have closed yourself in mentally. You say no one can help you. I really feel for you because its just like a script I had when I was your age. I was totally lost and had no one to turn to.

I finished school with shite to show for the 11 years of mandatory “education” I had to endure. I was disillusioned and bitter. All I had was me to solve my problems. Because my parents were just either not interested or just didn’t know what to do to help me.

When I was 17 I remember a doctor asking me if I needed to talk, but because I was too proud/fearful I never did. And I ended up drifting through life. Maybe the doc might have helped who knows…

What about assertiveness course? For low self esteem. Also college course to help equipt you with knowledge which will help with your lack of confidence.

Maybe travel and get some experiences that way. There are opportunities to travel with other young people I am sure. Start googling!

Have you considered Voluntary work in an area that interests you (yes google it) that was the single most influencing thing to happen for me. Meeting all kinds of different people in community based setting. It only needs to be a short stint away from home.. Again you maybe can tailor that for your age range. But I think it is good to have a mixed age range for both youngsters and oldsters. Have a go and google.

I couldn’t do the travel bit never had the money..but the volunteering, you can do it quite cheaply. And you can either volunteer home or abroad. That my friend is a key to finding your way in life.

Life is like an onion peel you have to keep peeling to get to the next step/experience. We are always learning. I have found that life doesn’t just fall into place. You have got to start getting some pieces together and start making your own picture.

[Ponder]

Classic case of conditioned need. Understand it's not your fault. It's not about your lack of self esteem or any other fault others would have you believe. It no doubt that society has left a negative imprint with regard to worth. It's societies values systems that are at fault; not your own. It's tough listening to all those ridiculous standards sold off as expectation and needs. Laugh out Loud at such petty issues such as height, skin glow, number of friends, job description down to what one should say and think . It's quite brutal that those who do not fit the bill are told it is them, that is all fucked up and in desperate need. LMFAO hard on that one - Society ... PFFFFT.

Your not the problem. Take heart in that.

I know what I am taking about and not afraid to say what I mean. I am the same height, felt the same way and all that jazz. No offence, but once you have experienced enough of this reality, you will soon discover just what a crock of shit such vanity really is. For me it was a different era, but same kettle of shit. I feel for ya, I really do. Perhaps my outlook is a little different after having slept in the gutter, with no more than a cardboard box for many more months than all of your years. The privilege of eating other peoples scraps left on park benches plus throwaways off street. Yadda Yadda - been a while since I pulled those flash backs out of the hat. Makes for a cool story in moments like these.

I'm not dragging that shit up to minimise your obvious pain - that really sucks how your feeling and how it appears no one is listening. I'm just highlight from my own experience with regard to this imprinting; that it's somehow your fault - your issue that's in need of a fix. It's not.

It's just life. So rather than tell you to buck up ... I'm just spelling it out as it is, however letting you know ... it's not your fault.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Feeling rejected is part and parcel of living in a society that is as selfish and consumes as it does. How does this information help? Given your affirmation on no one being able to help, I will assume it does not. It's no more than a view - My View at that. We all choose to see what we see.

Here is the crux of the matter as I see - Despite my opinion/view on Society/ my suffering/my story or whatever ... it's really a waste of time investing negative emotion into anything at all - If what you see and what you think is only hurting you, then let it go and start looking elsewhere and you'll soon notice how your thoughts start to change.

You've had your outburst ... and if need be ... have some more. With each spurt, change your stance ... For all my yelling, and blaming ... even to this day when I attempt to say it's not me or you but the system, them or something other ... even then; once we take the focus off our preconceived, imprinted and conditioned faults, once we stop with the mental masturbation of why oh why oh why - I need, if only hook up with someone other and a white picket fences ... once we get past that shit, You'll wonder what all that shit was all about.

You'll know - just how much more powerful you really are and how when it comes to lack of worth - that such is far from your problem, but more so an issue of today’s current values systems.

__________________________________________________ __________________________

But what do we older ones know? :) I'll tell you this much - I'm not wound up in a ball of negative spin with the way I view the world. I'm sure for those whose bubbles are threatened to pop at the sight of truth, would indeed no see my way at all - perhaps tell me I am in great need of some kind of help. :) I have my moments, but having a good lay of the land for how it really is ... that my firend helps to keep things real. Otherwise we are all just living in a fantasy. LOL - to think people buy Canadian Air in bottles and walk into Oxygen Booths actually thinking that they are then free from the toxicity of their self made/deluded world. Humans - what a fucking species hey.

The art is to smile while the ship is sinking.
__________

At the very least - lower your own standards and learn to be happy with what you have. Works like a treat! You don't need all that BS the system sells. Once you stop looking ... only then do things just fall into place (after you deal with what's in your way - often dealing with self/ your view) ... The simple things that require less of anything, but more of the real you. It's the only way to be. Just be yourself, forget the preaching and help others where you can.