Ep6991
11-25-2015, 04:15 PM
Hi,
So I've never written one of these before. But I just wanted to share my problems and how I cope with them so maybe I could help, even one person
I have always been a really anxious person. Even when I was a child I could remember having this feeling in my belly, but never knowing what it was. I would especially get it when being left on my own, or sleeping at a friend's home.
In 2007, I started at my secondary school. I had a rough time at school, I got bullied (which recently I have only just been able to admit to myself) by many people in my form and the rest of the year group, but especially by 1 boy. I would fear going into school so much that I couldn't sleep at night, I would try everything and anything to get out of school. This carried on for another 2 years.
Meanwhile this was happening, my 2 close friends fell out with me, so I had no one in my form, apart from bullies. I slowly became very down and anxious but still didn't know what was wrong. I couldn't eat for 2 weeks, I didn't move out of my bed at all over Christmas, and when I did I felt so faint I had to go back to lie down. And slowly I started to eat again, but took me months and months to get back to a normal eating routine again.
In this period of time, I couldn't trust myself to be alone at home. I would always say "what if..." I felt isolated and alone. I couldn't think positively, it was always from the moment I woke up, until the minute I fell asleep. I was 12 and dealing with depression, and still had no clue what was happening to me.
I had no self confidence due to being called "fat" everyday at school, I had no friends in my form so was always left out.
However, as the years went on, I started to stick up for myself, still terrified what people thought of me. I couldn't eat in front of people, I pretended not to like certain foods so people wouldn't think "God she's greedy!"
A few years later I met my boyfriend, and things started to go well. Until I grew a fear of eating at others houses, and out for meals. When I went for meals I would have a panic attack and throw up. When I went to my boyfriends house for the first time for tea, I thought that I was poorly because I felt so ill at the dinner table. But it was another anxiety attack. After this, the fear grew stronger and I started to feel down again. So I decided to go to the doctors. I started CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and I found this so ineffective for me personally. So I decided to quit with that.
I still suffer with low moods and anxiety. I have recently been put on the antidepressant Sertraline, which is working out well. I am doing better than I ever thought I would be, I am beginning to feel slightly more normal! I know that I have a long way to go, but I think helping other people will help myself too. What I do when I feel panicked: take 5 minutes out, just reassess the situation. Is there really anything to be getting worked up over? Are you in danger? Occupy yourself. Start a blog, get Christmas shopping done, watch a film. Do anything to take your mind off what you're worried about. 6 months ago, I had a 5 hours a week job, and even that spooked me so much. But I work at least 25 hours every week now, which I NEVER thought I could. If I can do it, so can you.
I wanted to share my story, just to get it off my chest, as it is only recently that I'm allowing myself to admit that this all happened to me.
I want to do a charity event to raise money for a relevant charity, and do volunteer work to support young people who felt the way I did when I was in school. No one is alone, even if it is to talk to 'strangers' on forums like this. Because people do understand, and it is not just you.
If anyone needs any support, then give me a message! Even if it's just to blow off some steam; I'm all ears!
Lol sorry to go on, this is the first time I've spoken about my past.
So I've never written one of these before. But I just wanted to share my problems and how I cope with them so maybe I could help, even one person
I have always been a really anxious person. Even when I was a child I could remember having this feeling in my belly, but never knowing what it was. I would especially get it when being left on my own, or sleeping at a friend's home.
In 2007, I started at my secondary school. I had a rough time at school, I got bullied (which recently I have only just been able to admit to myself) by many people in my form and the rest of the year group, but especially by 1 boy. I would fear going into school so much that I couldn't sleep at night, I would try everything and anything to get out of school. This carried on for another 2 years.
Meanwhile this was happening, my 2 close friends fell out with me, so I had no one in my form, apart from bullies. I slowly became very down and anxious but still didn't know what was wrong. I couldn't eat for 2 weeks, I didn't move out of my bed at all over Christmas, and when I did I felt so faint I had to go back to lie down. And slowly I started to eat again, but took me months and months to get back to a normal eating routine again.
In this period of time, I couldn't trust myself to be alone at home. I would always say "what if..." I felt isolated and alone. I couldn't think positively, it was always from the moment I woke up, until the minute I fell asleep. I was 12 and dealing with depression, and still had no clue what was happening to me.
I had no self confidence due to being called "fat" everyday at school, I had no friends in my form so was always left out.
However, as the years went on, I started to stick up for myself, still terrified what people thought of me. I couldn't eat in front of people, I pretended not to like certain foods so people wouldn't think "God she's greedy!"
A few years later I met my boyfriend, and things started to go well. Until I grew a fear of eating at others houses, and out for meals. When I went for meals I would have a panic attack and throw up. When I went to my boyfriends house for the first time for tea, I thought that I was poorly because I felt so ill at the dinner table. But it was another anxiety attack. After this, the fear grew stronger and I started to feel down again. So I decided to go to the doctors. I started CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and I found this so ineffective for me personally. So I decided to quit with that.
I still suffer with low moods and anxiety. I have recently been put on the antidepressant Sertraline, which is working out well. I am doing better than I ever thought I would be, I am beginning to feel slightly more normal! I know that I have a long way to go, but I think helping other people will help myself too. What I do when I feel panicked: take 5 minutes out, just reassess the situation. Is there really anything to be getting worked up over? Are you in danger? Occupy yourself. Start a blog, get Christmas shopping done, watch a film. Do anything to take your mind off what you're worried about. 6 months ago, I had a 5 hours a week job, and even that spooked me so much. But I work at least 25 hours every week now, which I NEVER thought I could. If I can do it, so can you.
I wanted to share my story, just to get it off my chest, as it is only recently that I'm allowing myself to admit that this all happened to me.
I want to do a charity event to raise money for a relevant charity, and do volunteer work to support young people who felt the way I did when I was in school. No one is alone, even if it is to talk to 'strangers' on forums like this. Because people do understand, and it is not just you.
If anyone needs any support, then give me a message! Even if it's just to blow off some steam; I'm all ears!
Lol sorry to go on, this is the first time I've spoken about my past.