So confused by thoughts

[JaneCrory]

Hi folks,

I am so confused and scared by thoughts and emotions I get these days. I suppose you could say I've had a stressful few years - my department in work changed locations (which some of us didn't want), my Dad lost his job (still hasn't got one yet!), and my Mum was ill which resulted in her ending up in hospital earlier this year. I thought I had everything under control until one day in May when I got absolutely sozzled at 10.30am in the morning whilst on my own at home. I was so bad I have no recollection of that day, only what people tell me. My Mum couldn't get any sense out of me and didn't know what was wrong, so she phoned an ambulance. The paramedics virtually had to carry me out to the ambulance, I was vomiting and I lost all control of my bodily functions.

I was let home later on that afternoon, but I think that day was a cry for help in a way. When Mum wasn't well, I turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism, but even after Mum got better, I carried on drinking as it had become a habit. That day, the paramedic asked me why did I drink so early in the day and get drunk, and my answer was 'fuck it, I couldn't take it anymore'. Since then I've had various bouts of low mood, depression, anxiety, stress etc. To the point where I've started questioning things in my life which previously didn't bother me before. I've found myself going over past issues, memories and it even had me questioning if I wanted to leave home (I live with my parents, sister and dogs, I must add I'd never thought about leaving home before all this). Things from years ago that maybe hadn't bothered me so much, I found myself needing to get them off my chest. I even developed a resentment towards my mother (most from issues years ago), but that has somewhat eased now. I find myself at times very on edge, full of anger and easily irritated. It's even had me at my worst moments wondering if I still want my dogs (and anyone who knows me will tell you my dogs are the love of my life).

Why are things you were so sure about suddenly become unsure?

[Im-Suffering]

Hi folks,

I am so confused and scared by thoughts and emotions I get these days. I suppose you could say I've had a stressful few years - my department in work changed locations (which some of us didn't want), my Dad lost his job (still hasn't got one yet!), and my Mum was ill which resulted in her ending up in hospital earlier this year. I thought I had everything under control until one day in May when I got absolutely sozzled at 10.30am in the morning whilst on my own at home. I was so bad I have no recollection of that day, only what people tell me. My Mum couldn't get any sense out of me and didn't know what was wrong, so she phoned an ambulance. The paramedics virtually had to carry me out to the ambulance, I was vomiting and I lost all control of my bodily functions.

I was let home later on that afternoon, but I think that day was a cry for help in a way. When Mum wasn't well, I turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism, but even after Mum got better, I carried on drinking as it had become a habit. That day, the paramedic asked me why did I drink so early in the day and get drunk, and my answer was 'fuck it, I couldn't take it anymore'. Since then I've had various bouts of low mood, depression, anxiety, stress etc. To the point where I've started questioning things in my life which previously didn't bother me before. I've found myself going over past issues, memories and it even had me questioning if I wanted to leave home (I live with my parents, sister and dogs, I must add I'd never thought about leaving home before all this). Things from years ago that maybe hadn't bothered me so much, I found myself needing to get them off my chest. I even developed a resentment towards my mother (most from issues years ago), but that has somewhat eased now. I find myself at times very on edge, full of anger and easily irritated. It's even had me at my worst moments wondering if I still want my dogs (and anyone who knows me will tell you my dogs are the love of my life).

Why are things you were so sure about suddenly become unsure?

This is all good !!!!!

Instead of repressing your feelings and emotions, you are facing them !! Excellent ! As you do this, bravely, you will see that more and more of the crap you release, the better you will feel, more able to live your life in a healthy way ! So do not be afraid of whats inside you, turn about and face it, every one that comes up. Do not ruminate and become despondent because you are turning your back to yourself. You are the most important person you know !

You are worth it ! What was once swept under the rug, the issues, the emotions, surface with the only reason to heal and release. You do this by looking squarely at them, examining them, and releasing the energy attached to the emotions. No more alcohol or vice will be needed, nor anxiety in an overblown form or condition, once you deal with what you were meant to deal with, your fate, your purpose, was to encounter hardships and overcome them, not to run and hide, you see?

So your emotions are surfacing, some for the first time, some longstanding causing depression. Allow them to surface, feel them, and deal with them. Release the heavy energy and you will make room in your spirit for happiness and love. And health.

Anxiety and its accompanying physical and mental symptoms is simply the refusal to face your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. When the storehouse is full, you experience 'episodes' as you describe. There is no where to run and hide - no hospital, no bottle, no drug, no country, and behind no other person - you take yourself wherever you go. Stand on your own two feet, they are strong enough to support you !

In regard to mom, dad, friend or foe, allow them to have their own experiences in life. Whether you judge them good or bad is of no consequence. We are all in school here, learning the ropes, so do not deny any experience, even those resulting in their own demise. Do not take what happens to others then as an indication of what will happen to you, you have your own life to live. You create your own reality. Do not let their experience put fear in your heart, only compassion for others as they travel their own journey.

Find joy in your life at all costs ! Joy comes in proportion to the crap you release inside you. The less baggage, the more joy, and vice-verse.

[JaneCrory]

Thank you. It just frightens me when I feel like I can't be bothered, especially with my dogs as I've never felt that way before. In my darkest days, they've always been my shining light and the one thing that's kept me going.

x

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you. It just frightens me when I feel like I can't be bothered, especially with my dogs as I've never felt that way before. In my darkest days, they've always been my shining light and the one thing that's kept me going.

x

Then it is natural to have thoughts that potentially jeopardize that anchor of sanity. However, the animals will continue to be with you. The thoughts are meant to lead you to the problem, you see. The dogs are physical symbols representing a barrier between the fear and safety. If the feelings and energies (problems) are healed (that have nothing to do with the actual dogs), the fearful thoughts will disappear. Psychologically, the dogs are being used, so to speak, to get at the actual emotions. To trigger examination of your own mind. No one else can do it for you.

In a very real sense, you are trying to scare yourself straight, you see? And to an extent, it is working, as you explore more and more your own mind, realizing it is your own mind, to do with as you wish, and to not fear it or yourself.

[JaneCrory]

Then it is natural to have thoughts that potentially jeopardize that anchor of sanity. However, the animals will continue to be with you. The thoughts are meant to lead you to the problem, you see. The dogs are physical symbols representing a barrier between the fear and safety. If the feelings and energies (problems) are healed (that have nothing to do with the actual dogs), the fearful thoughts will disappear. Psychologically, the dogs are being used, so to speak, to get at the actual emotions. To trigger examination of your own mind. No one else can do it for you.

In a very real sense, you are trying to scare yourself straight, you see? And to an extent, it is working, as you explore more and more your own mind, realizing it is your own mind, to do with as you wish, and to not fear it or yourself.

Thank you for helping me think I'm not going crazy lol.
x