Chirui | Dean
11-23-2015, 11:44 AM
Hi there, I am Dean. (male , 15yrs old) I'm already apologising for my bad english
I know this is a forum about anxiety, as someone explained to me what it is, I can tell i 'have' it too, I would say pretty bad each time when I have to read a chapter or an task description loudly, I start to read wrong things and everyone laughs at me then I can't talk about 3minutes ( I dont know why). Or when I'm in public alone and people are talking about me and so on....
Im only 15 and been trying to tell a specific thing already for 2 and a half year. Ive been at a therapist talking about it(was 14 then when I tried to talk), but the whole time he had this smiling and a face expression like he didn't care. So I decided for myself to 'shut myself in'. I even tried to end my life, but never did it cause I don't know if it will hurt etc.. All I want is someone to talk private to, but my parents hate me as I can tell ( I am a bit 'fat', so once when I hurt myself at sports in school my knee did hurt the entire day, when I told my mother all she said was 'it's because you're fat' every time i did got hurt from sports or whatever she said that. Then once when I was crying in bed cause i knew shes going to say it again my father heard me, so I thought hes going to help me but i was wrong. He yelled 'Woman your son is crying' even though he is my real father. So past a year im in the last year of school (9th class) and I wanted to 'come out' to my class, but then I realised how homophobic they are, even my teacher which i couldn't belive since shes actually caring for my classmates. I don't really know what I should do now... any advice? I cry myself out each night hoping the very next day gets better.. but i get disappointed, it just gets worse...
My life now: I'm in the last year of school, haven't got a job yet ( living in Switzerland so you can start a job right after you finished school), my parents hate me, I have noone to talk, already tried to kill myself several times.
I hope atleast 1 person is going to read this.
Thanks for reading if someone does
Dean
I know this is a forum about anxiety, as someone explained to me what it is, I can tell i 'have' it too, I would say pretty bad each time when I have to read a chapter or an task description loudly, I start to read wrong things and everyone laughs at me then I can't talk about 3minutes ( I dont know why). Or when I'm in public alone and people are talking about me and so on....
Im only 15 and been trying to tell a specific thing already for 2 and a half year. Ive been at a therapist talking about it(was 14 then when I tried to talk), but the whole time he had this smiling and a face expression like he didn't care. So I decided for myself to 'shut myself in'. I even tried to end my life, but never did it cause I don't know if it will hurt etc.. All I want is someone to talk private to, but my parents hate me as I can tell ( I am a bit 'fat', so once when I hurt myself at sports in school my knee did hurt the entire day, when I told my mother all she said was 'it's because you're fat' every time i did got hurt from sports or whatever she said that. Then once when I was crying in bed cause i knew shes going to say it again my father heard me, so I thought hes going to help me but i was wrong. He yelled 'Woman your son is crying' even though he is my real father. So past a year im in the last year of school (9th class) and I wanted to 'come out' to my class, but then I realised how homophobic they are, even my teacher which i couldn't belive since shes actually caring for my classmates. I don't really know what I should do now... any advice? I cry myself out each night hoping the very next day gets better.. but i get disappointed, it just gets worse...
My life now: I'm in the last year of school, haven't got a job yet ( living in Switzerland so you can start a job right after you finished school), my parents hate me, I have noone to talk, already tried to kill myself several times.
I hope atleast 1 person is going to read this.
Thanks for reading if someone does
Dean