Anxiety turned apathy and pain

[jsisidore]

Hello fellow sufferers. I had anxiety all my life or should I call it fear, that's how I identified it most of my life. I'm 29 now. I came from a not-so-functional family and was ill most of my life but I was never afraid for my conscience, no thoughts of suicide or anything. Now things turned, I feel calm, apathetic and there is this feeling like I'm near death. Like if I will start to care even less my body will not handle the emptiness that is inside and simply wither away. So if I had fear for my health and my future before(you know those things people usually care for), now I believe this feeling of inner death is manifesting pain all over my body, and something inside of me is panicking, is afraid of letting go, and instinct of sort. I wish I could explain it clearer but it is a complex feeling.

I began to have this idea that life is an illusion, some kind of invisible prison where everything repeats itself over and over and nothing out of ordinary happens... and I stand in the center and it makes me feel dizzy and helpless.

[cloudy black]

hello jsisidore can i point you towards a forum member called Hosscat he has sent a post today...i know what you mean regarding a feeling of inner death. i have also been experiencing hostility towards everyone to the point that i wanted/needed to go into hermit mode. but i am setting myself a challenge to do random acts of kindness to others ... and i can say it is definitely making a difference. in my life at the moment i know of so many people who are suffering dreadful things and i guess i was taking it personally, in that, "oh whats the point".. but there is a point, reaching out to others and it helps to be random. i was diagnosed with plantar fasciitus (not important) i only mention it because i was having treatment for it, but the lady who is treating me says she is certain it is all down to stress and she regularly treats clients with this problem. i had to press her though to tell me what she thought it was. obviously she didn't want to upset me but hey who said the truth doesn't make you wince!