Managing anxiety about, well, anxiety/getting a good nights rest

[Fahrenheit]

Hi all.

A couple of years ago I went through a really intense period of anxiety that lasted several months and REALLY messed with my sleep. I got through it, and I feel like I've been getting my life on track and feeling really good about the future.

But during the last few days, and two nights of bad insomnia, I have been feeling anxious. I am neurotic and the best of times, and able to manage my day-to-day anxieties. I can be anxious without it ruling my life, you know? But these past two nights, I have just been really anxious, and unable to sleep feeling both incredibly exhausted and also like my body was on fire with anxiety. Nothing really significant caused it, but now that it has happened, I am feeling a lot of anxiety about anxiety, and thoughts about 'what if the really bad Anxiety comes back again? what if i fall back into that horrible sleep pattern i was stuck if for so long?' I fear losing all the things about my life that I was able to appreciate and enjoy again, and I fear losing the feeling that I have been feeling happier and happier with myself everyday. I don't want to think about how horrible and shitty I felt before - I don't want to remember it to well. I have found myself falling into anxiety loops that are more characteristic of the time that it was really bad than just my usually, day to day obsessiveness/neurotic thinking. When I feel good, I am always aware of the anxiety I am capable of feeling, and the fact that I am not immune to going back to that dark place, but I use that knowledge to fuel my energy towards improving myself and my situation. But right now that knowledge is just making me fearful.

I think what I fear most is the loss of self - the way it corrodes at your sense of self over time. I fear the damage it will do you my interpersonal relationships, my work life, etc. I am an insecure person at the best of time but I can live with myself and appreciate myself. I don't like who I am when I am anxious, though, I don't want to fall back into that.

I just think it is so silly, in a way, to be anxious about anxiety, and I just want help and tips for nipping this in the bud. I think I will be okay, but I just want support, 'cause that is not a place I want to go back to. Also, commiseration helps me a lot, so if you can relate, please share your experience. And tips for how to deal with both the physical and mental feelings of anxiety while trying to get sleep. I find mindfulness useful, but would like other suggestions for self-soothing at bedtime. I feel like a good nights sleep can address a lot of this - it is the combination of anxiety and sleeplessness that was really debilitating for me last time. It is hard to manage your emotions when sleep deprived, and hard to sleep when your emotions are all over the place.

Thanks in advance! Good luck with your own anxiety! I wish you peace!

[chrisjudson]

I know what you mean

I dread going to bed most nights and often find comfort in a corner sofa for a bed rather than the usual king size/double that I have in our bedroom (seprated 5months ago). I really over think the idea of going to bed. It fills me with dread, pain, upset, anxiety so I often stay up watching something on TV until I know by the time I get to bed, I will just sleep/pass out and hopefully wake up the next day, with aim to get out of my empty flat and go just about anywhere but home.

Your not alone at these times. I guess this is the beauty of forums like this, having someone to talk to....to try and rationalise your thoughts

let me know how you deal with going to bed/sleep

[lolfeg123]

It's 2am at the moment and I, too, am currently having anxiety attacks. For me, i get this weird sensation-feeling in my head which creeps me out. This feeling only occurs when the I am trying to sleep in a quiet room ! Focusing on diaphragmatic breathing only helps sometimes, so I'm also in a plead for advice.
I'm medication free and plan to stay that way, but these intrusive thoughts are becoming too much !

[chrisjudson]

Hey

"This feeling only occurs when the I am trying to sleep in a quiet room" I know what you mean on this so I think what I have found helpful is not sleeping in a quiet room if I can help it.

if I end up sleeping in my bedroom I either have classic fm on the radio even if its on low all night, its quite relaxing or I put a podcast on my phone and let that run

I am also trying the breathing thing, but have not found this easy, feels like you cant catch your breathe which then gets scarey/even frightening. But if you can (again might find this difficult) call someone, tell them your having a panic attack and tell them how your feeling whilst your having it.

I have also been medication free but so far that's causing a chemical inbalance and I need something to assist me with my moods and emotions which so far seem to range from anger-->tears of distress within minutes.

I agree sometimes its too much but if you can cry....do it....do it around people like your parents who you know will hold onto you and love you no matter what. Talk to us on here about what your thinking and feeling when the hard stuff is going on

hope that all helps?

[Fahrenheit]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the support, it means a lot just knowing that I am not alone. I did manage to get some sleep last night and am feeling a lot better. I've been dealing with insomnia coupled with anxiety since I was a kid, so it is slow progress finding out what works, and even then...there are just some nights that are going to suck.

I'm sorry you are going through this, as well, lolfeg. I actual tried the 4-7-8 breathing technique last night and it worked. I think this trick worked better for me than just breathing deeply and mindfully, because I actually had to count out my breaths, and that kept me from being able to think anxious thoughts.

Like Christ, I also listen to podcasts as I am falling asleep, or do a guided meditation. I find Memory Palace by Nate Dimeo and Stories From The Borders of Sleep to be two of my favorites to listen to before bed, mostly because I find their voices really soothing. I don't even necessary listen to the content, it just takes the edge of to listen to someone speaking. I also like On Being with Krista Tippet.

I have definitely turned to meditation/mindfulness a lot to manage my anxiety. It is one of the most effective tools I have found, but I do think it is important to build a steady practice when you are NOT desperate/anxious, rather than just turn to it as a quick fix when you are in need. It takes a sustained effort to really build the skill and reap the rewards. I've fallen off the bandwagon, but after this weeks scare, I want to renew efforts to do regular meditations, preferably daily.

I do tend to have set backs every few months that spook me into having worrying thoughts/feelings about falling back into a really bad place with my anxiety. I think what I am learning is that it is important to redouble my efforts and to be very intentional about how I live. I need to avoid the bad habits I have that are detrimental but not debilitating during the good times, because those same bad patterns can be so much more dangerous when you are really in the thick of anxiety.

I agree with Chris's suggestion that if you can, you should try to find someone you can talk to. I know this can be REALLY hard. I kept everything to myself for the longest time when I was having really bad anxiety, and at a certain point I realized I needed to give myself permission to get help because I could only do so much for myself. I became really good at supporting myself growing up, and I never really practiced being vulnerable with other people, so it was really hard. It is terrifying, especially if you are reaching out to someone when you are feeling your worst, and your least presentable. But I think my doing that, you gain a tool against the anxiety, because you know you have someone who will take you at your worse a still love you. For me, that means my mother and a few close friends - and I am still working on building that trust. I hope you both have people you can reach out to when you need it.

That said, being able to self-sooth is important when you can't call someone up. Again, I usually try meditation, but I am looking for more ways of self-soothing so I can have a more diverse 'tool kit' to fall back on when I need it.

I hope you both find some peace and some sleep. And remember to be kind to yourself when you are struggling.