Fahrenheit
11-11-2015, 06:10 PM
Hi all.
A couple of years ago I went through a really intense period of anxiety that lasted several months and REALLY messed with my sleep. I got through it, and I feel like I've been getting my life on track and feeling really good about the future.
But during the last few days, and two nights of bad insomnia, I have been feeling anxious. I am neurotic and the best of times, and able to manage my day-to-day anxieties. I can be anxious without it ruling my life, you know? But these past two nights, I have just been really anxious, and unable to sleep feeling both incredibly exhausted and also like my body was on fire with anxiety. Nothing really significant caused it, but now that it has happened, I am feeling a lot of anxiety about anxiety, and thoughts about 'what if the really bad Anxiety comes back again? what if i fall back into that horrible sleep pattern i was stuck if for so long?' I fear losing all the things about my life that I was able to appreciate and enjoy again, and I fear losing the feeling that I have been feeling happier and happier with myself everyday. I don't want to think about how horrible and shitty I felt before - I don't want to remember it to well. I have found myself falling into anxiety loops that are more characteristic of the time that it was really bad than just my usually, day to day obsessiveness/neurotic thinking. When I feel good, I am always aware of the anxiety I am capable of feeling, and the fact that I am not immune to going back to that dark place, but I use that knowledge to fuel my energy towards improving myself and my situation. But right now that knowledge is just making me fearful.
I think what I fear most is the loss of self - the way it corrodes at your sense of self over time. I fear the damage it will do you my interpersonal relationships, my work life, etc. I am an insecure person at the best of time but I can live with myself and appreciate myself. I don't like who I am when I am anxious, though, I don't want to fall back into that.
I just think it is so silly, in a way, to be anxious about anxiety, and I just want help and tips for nipping this in the bud. I think I will be okay, but I just want support, 'cause that is not a place I want to go back to. Also, commiseration helps me a lot, so if you can relate, please share your experience. And tips for how to deal with both the physical and mental feelings of anxiety while trying to get sleep. I find mindfulness useful, but would like other suggestions for self-soothing at bedtime. I feel like a good nights sleep can address a lot of this - it is the combination of anxiety and sleeplessness that was really debilitating for me last time. It is hard to manage your emotions when sleep deprived, and hard to sleep when your emotions are all over the place.
Thanks in advance! Good luck with your own anxiety! I wish you peace!
A couple of years ago I went through a really intense period of anxiety that lasted several months and REALLY messed with my sleep. I got through it, and I feel like I've been getting my life on track and feeling really good about the future.
But during the last few days, and two nights of bad insomnia, I have been feeling anxious. I am neurotic and the best of times, and able to manage my day-to-day anxieties. I can be anxious without it ruling my life, you know? But these past two nights, I have just been really anxious, and unable to sleep feeling both incredibly exhausted and also like my body was on fire with anxiety. Nothing really significant caused it, but now that it has happened, I am feeling a lot of anxiety about anxiety, and thoughts about 'what if the really bad Anxiety comes back again? what if i fall back into that horrible sleep pattern i was stuck if for so long?' I fear losing all the things about my life that I was able to appreciate and enjoy again, and I fear losing the feeling that I have been feeling happier and happier with myself everyday. I don't want to think about how horrible and shitty I felt before - I don't want to remember it to well. I have found myself falling into anxiety loops that are more characteristic of the time that it was really bad than just my usually, day to day obsessiveness/neurotic thinking. When I feel good, I am always aware of the anxiety I am capable of feeling, and the fact that I am not immune to going back to that dark place, but I use that knowledge to fuel my energy towards improving myself and my situation. But right now that knowledge is just making me fearful.
I think what I fear most is the loss of self - the way it corrodes at your sense of self over time. I fear the damage it will do you my interpersonal relationships, my work life, etc. I am an insecure person at the best of time but I can live with myself and appreciate myself. I don't like who I am when I am anxious, though, I don't want to fall back into that.
I just think it is so silly, in a way, to be anxious about anxiety, and I just want help and tips for nipping this in the bud. I think I will be okay, but I just want support, 'cause that is not a place I want to go back to. Also, commiseration helps me a lot, so if you can relate, please share your experience. And tips for how to deal with both the physical and mental feelings of anxiety while trying to get sleep. I find mindfulness useful, but would like other suggestions for self-soothing at bedtime. I feel like a good nights sleep can address a lot of this - it is the combination of anxiety and sleeplessness that was really debilitating for me last time. It is hard to manage your emotions when sleep deprived, and hard to sleep when your emotions are all over the place.
Thanks in advance! Good luck with your own anxiety! I wish you peace!