First Time Poster - Anxiety Over New Dog

[Sarbear]

Hi, first time poster here, sorry for making it so long.

I'm a 28 yr old female who has struggled with mild anxiety and depression on and off since I was a kid. My fiance and I moved to Australia in August from Canada for his job and it has been a really difficult transition. I'm not exactly adventurous and would probably be happy to just stay in the town I grew up in forever! :) I just graduated from Veterinary Technician school in June and haven't been able to find a job here yet and I'm afraid I'm going to loose all the skills I worked so hard for 3 years to gain.

I'm a huge animal lover and when we moved here we had a chihuahua, Zulu, and a cat, Petunia. Our dalmatian passed away about a year and a half ago and it was devastating. After a while I starting asking my fiance for another dog, a big dog. We found out we were moving and so we decided to wait until we got to Australia to adopt another dog. Last month we went to the RSPCA and saw a dog we really liked. He was a 1 yr old golden retriever x. We came back the next day with Zulu and introduced them. We had to get permission from our landlord before we could get him so we waited. When we finally got permission (almost a week later) the dog we liked had been adopted. I was so upset and cried and cried all weekend. I posted on a local animal facebook group that we had seen the dog at the shelter but that he got adopted but was wondering if anyone had any similar dogs. The girl who adopted him messaged me on facebook saying she had adopted him without her moms permission and her mom was making her rehome him so we could have him if we wanted. I was SO excited. We drove to her house and picked him up and brought him home. That was exactly one month ago today. The first week or two I was SOOO anxious. Zulu and Petunia were petrified of Link (the new dog). I felt so full of guilt that I had ruined their lives after travelling them so far and now this. I would cry and I felt so guilty for "bugging" my fiance for another dog. Eventually Zulu started to come around and now they get along okay and even play once in a while and the anxiety started to go away. Petunia still hides all the time (not characteristic of her when Link wasn't here) and yesterday Link just would NOT leave Zulu alone (trying to play with her constantly) and she was getting mad. My anxiety all came flying back and now I'm starting to think all over again why did we get a 2nd dog. Link needs a lot exercise and I feel like maybe he wasn't the right choice for us (I prefer more low energy dogs, which I really thought he was when we met him). My fiance is away with work for the week and it's been so hard without him and Link is stressing me out big time. I'm having all these fears and guilt and anxious feelings and I'm finding it so hard to bond with Link when I'm feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt this way about a pet? I feel so awful and I don't know why he's stressing me out so much. I do remember being stressed when we first got Zulu but that passed after about a week. It's been a month and I just don't know if I made the right decision. Please help and please no mean comments about how I'm a bad pet owner because I'm really not. I love my pets to death and that is why this is so infuriating and stressful for me. :(

[MiST]

Hi and welcome,

You have no need to feel anxious about anything. The animals just need time to get used to each others quirks and behaviour patterns. Like most things in life, give it time and it will get better.

In the meantime, try and enjoy your new addition to your family..:)

[Fahrenheit]

Hey.

I adopted two elderly cats a almost a year ago. As someone who is neurotic about sleep, it took me a while to figure out how to keep them from disrupting my sleep cycle, and I was anxious about that until we figured it out. I pushed Floyd away once the first night, and he got anxious and threw up, and then I was all 'Buuuuuddy, we are both anxious creatures! Come back we must snuggle!" and we bonded. Now I cannot imagine sleeping without cats. :D

I am sorry you are having trouble with this. I think the first step is to be kind to yourself, and try to practice self-compassion. Like you said, it is hard bonding with Link when you are overcome by anxiety. Try to let go of the judgement and the stress and just be present with your dogs. I actually think it might be useful to try to do a walking meditation just you and Link? It's normal for the adjustment to take time for all of you, so just be patient with yourself and with the process the dogs have getting to know each other.

Also, I cannot vouch for this at all, I don't know if it is even a meditation you do with your pet or not 'cause I haven't given it a listen, yet, but this might be something you could try. They won't let me post a link, but it is called Sacred Animal Meditation by Inspire Nation (it comes up easy on google)

And if it really turns out that it just won't work out, thats really rough, but it doesn't make you a bad person/pet owner and you have to take him back. I know that is reaaally hard, and I hope you won't have to, but, whatever happens, just be kind to yourself.

[Dahila]

Sarbear you just made me smile, the real smile. Ok Zulu is going to put link in his place. How do I know it; I was breeding and judging dogs for years. I had different situation and I was training them to for the cops too. Do not sweat over them, they will be fine the boundaries will be set up and the cat will come out eventually. Some animals are more sensitive than others. They are like us. Please, do not feel bad about wanting to have animals around you, there is not better medication for anxiety as hug or walk your dog, or cat. Try to leave them to solve their problems. In no time you will have a very happy family:))
I envy you so much. My late dog was put down, she died in my arms, she could not walk anymore; black lab.. Now I want a dog and I, am old so I worry when something happens to me my poor dog will be maybe abused or abandon by strangers. I know when I had a dog, it was my bandage for all my sore spots. I always felt loved and needed.......

[Sarbear]

Thank you everyone for the kind words, you don't know how much it means. I had 2 really bad days but today I feel a lot better. You're all right, I just need to try and relax and in time things will sort themselves out and I'll have forgotten all about this. I guess I had unrealistic expectations that Link would come and Zulu and Petunia would love him and all would be good in the world. LOL It doesn't help that my fiance is away this week and usually when Link starts to be hyper I get him to deal with it so I'm not as anxious. Last night after I wrote this I was on another FB Pet group and I saw this lady who had given her dog to someone else and they were supposed to pay her but they never did and then all these other people were posting about how they knew the people who took her dog and how they're not nice people and all this and I was like OMG what am I thinking?! I can't get rid of Link, what if he ended up with some horrible people I would never forgive myself! So he's going to stay and while in a week when I'm stressing I'll probably be like HE NEEDS TO GO! It's just the anxiety talking.

Fahrenheit thank you, its assuring to know someone else has gone through a similar situation and all worked out for the best. And thank you for telling me to be kind, that is something I often forget. That does seem to be the general consensus of things I've read about people being anxious over new pets, I just needed to hear it for myself. :) And I will absolutely look into Sacred Animal Meditation, I'm willing to try anything at this point haha. :) It sounds like your furbabies have a really good home snuggling in bed every night.

Dahlia thank you too! I definitely needed to hear from a dog person that they will work themselves out. I guess I just feel bad because I love them so much I would hate for them to less happy for my getting Link but I think I'm just reading way too much into it. I'm so sincerely sorry for the loss of your dog. My very first dog was my dalmatian and I was devastated when I had to put him down. He also died in my arms and I will never forget that day but it definitely leaves a hole in our hearts doesn't it. I totally understand how you feel about getting an animal and worrying it would end up in the wrong hands. There are so many bad people in the world who mistreat animals, that would be my biggest fear also. :( Is there anyone you know that could take the dog in the event that something happened to you? What about adopting a senior dog that won't live as long and so might not get adopted as easily otherwise? I know what you mean about always feeling loves and needed. My furbabies are my babies and I would do anything for them and to keep them safe, that is why I was having such a conflict dealing with these emotions.

Thanks again everyone, I'll keep you all posted. :)

[Dahila]

Sarbear it is so difficult for me to say goodbye to dog. I leaves a hole the size of sporting field in my heart. I can not get over the last one or the previous one. I remember everyone of them, They come to me in my dreams usually:)) good dreams. I treat my animals as family members. Even children were complaining that I whisper to dogs and scream to them. Dogs, opposite of children listen to us. Sarbear my last dog was so hyper I was considering to give her away. It was no serious. The good run twice at least twice a day was the answer. She was my first dog I used crate and it was a blessing. To the end of her life she had her crate and she used it to be safe and rest. When she was sick she always went there. It was open of course for at least 11 years. When she was 8 months old her molars were coming out and then the biting on everything, crate was wonderful so was frozen snack or even wet towel frozen so it helped her with the swollen tissue.
In years of breeding boxers and judging them, I acquired a lot of knowledge. When they are sick try first some home remedies, except mint they hate it. With the digestive problems provide access to filtered water and chamomile tea. I know you are vet technician, you have the knowledge but there is a lot they do not teach in school. :)) It is going to be good, just give them time and for now enjoy the company. One day they will all over you in the perfect harmony. Animals do not kill each other they adjust to the situation :)) Please post the updates:)

[Sarbear]

Dahlia, it sounds like you have a very close connection with animals. It is so hard losing them eh? They just don't live long enough! It is comforting to know I am not the only one who has ever had an "energetic" ;) dog. Link really isn't too bad. We go for a walk every day and he gets his supper in a frozen Kong which helps keeps him entertained for 45 mins. Zulu likes it because she follows behind him and eats all the tiny pieces he misses. They are slowly becoming friends which is easing the anxiety a lot. They play a lot together now. Petunia, the cat, is still pretty fearful of Link which stresses me out but he went and sniffed her the other day and she didn't do anything but freeze so I'm hoping she'll come around. I had a crappy day today so I was again a bit anxious about Link but I just tried to remind myself that everything was fine and eventually it subsided. He really is a sweet dog, just needs to learn boundaries and some better manners. He chewed the sleeve off of one of my shirts the other day too so we're working a little harder on crate training! He's only a year old so I'm hoping he'll eventually grow out of that.

[Dahila]

Hi everything is FINE!! they will set the boundaries and hierarchy. I know for sure they will, and I kind of knowing that link is not going to be the top:)
The cat does not want him to get too close, but that's cat. Cats are strange animals, they are such individuals. My close friend had Collie, Chihuahua, pitbull and the cat 11 years old. Cat was the boss, the vice was Chihuahua, then the pit bull and collie was the lowest :) Cat would allow me some petting but only for as long as he wanted,then he will give me sign, if I had not stopped (I am kind of stubborn) he would bite me
i have many scars, breeding and judging the dogs do it to you. Unfortunately on dog show you need to check the teeth (I was on boxers ring) I was breeding German boxers anyway, so it was logical choice. Back home dogs were dogs, not so well behaved like the ones in States and Canada. Dog show was fun, I do not find it fun here, it is to artificial. Showing dogs by trainers is not much fun. They look awesome, but I miss the fun when owners showed their dogs:
Right now probably Europe is following Us with the show dogs style.............
He will grow up and you will not need to keep him in crate more that necessary.
My best friend got a new dog bloodhound and bouvier mix. Sarbear as beautiful as he is , his temper can kill. They lock him when I am coming so he calms down, but I fell in love with him from the first sight:) and he is so happy to see me, the crate is actually moving. I love the dog, he is just 6 months old and they are terrified of his demonic character. He is cute:) show us some pictures of your animals, show me, please

[Sarbear]

164916501651

Here are my babies! :D It's so funny to see them now, Zulu, our chihuahua, is always bugging Link and biting his legs and then running under the bed or other places he can't get. It's pretty hysterical actually. Poor Petunia (our cat) still doesn't come out much but I'm hoping in a few more weeks she'll be braver.

[Sarbear]

164916501651

Here are my babies! :D It's so funny to see them now, Zulu, our chihuahua, is always bugging Link and biting his legs and then running under the bed or other places he can't get. It's pretty hysterical actually. Poor Petunia (our cat) still doesn't come out much but I'm hoping in a few more weeks she'll be braver. Sorry the photos seemed to be rotated the wrong way. :(

[Robert Tressell]

We got a dog when I was in the depths of my anxiety - it increased my anxiety temporarily as I worried about her behaviour and the routine discipline we needed to adopt to look after her - we're a busy family - but soon, as our love for her grew, she has helped us all tremendously, and the only anxiety I have now is wishing I got a dog for my family many years ago. She is irreplaceable.

[Dahila]

The babies are beautiful. Oh I love the trio-color girl:))

[jessed03]

Gorgeous dogs. :)