Sae Smash, Carl the Clot, and My Obsession with Losing My Keys

[sae]

I think the worst of the panic over my recent health issues has finally blown over but it has left some interesting residual effects. I am back to light switch moods it seems, more like the Incredible Hulk. Sometimes I will be going on about my day when suddenly I am overwhelmed with the most horrifying bouts of all out blind rage. Sometimes my consciousness becomes a passenger, just watching through the windshield while I proceed to break anything within arms reach. Other times I can't remember it at all. It's downright scary to be that out of control of myself for no real reason at all. Luckily the incidences are few and far between, I suppose.
The clot in my lungs is aptly named Carl (because "that kiiilllsss people"). It was projected by now Carl would be a ghost, but he is hanging on. How can I change my focus off of the real danger of this stupid clot and go on about my day without the constant nagging of its presence? Clearly I can't imagine away the physical symptoms.
I have a palm sized Batarang keychain. You would think something that big would be difficult to lose right? It is typical in these anxiety periods for me to forget or lose things often. While I haven't lost my keys yet, I am constantly terrified that I will. I will move my keys from the hook by the door, to the top of the microwave, to under the corner of the rug, to inside my pocket, to my coffee table and back again several times a day. I even tried keeping them on a retractable keyring... still took them off to move them.

I just feel as though I am slowly losing more and more control over my own actions.

[gadguy]

Hey S...sorry you are going through all of this, the only advice I can offer is education when it come to your clot.....When My Dr told me there was a possibility I had Prostate cancer, I wanted to freak...but instead I read, researched until i could find no more information about the condition and treatment options short of going to med school...some how this helped me cope and "put me in control" I knew exactly what Dr was talking about and was never left with any questions...Dr said i was one of the most educated patients he had ever had. It worked for me...however I do not have health anxiety so it may be different for those who do. I had even spoke with several treatment centers in-case it was cancer and was ready to make a decision on treatment. Fortunately I did not have to.

The uncontrolled rage...I know it well and it often revolved around car key, my solution was to never take them out of my pocket...when i get dressed in the AM i go to hamper and get them out of pants I had on the day before, I do the same wilth my wallet ..made life a lot easier

[Anne1221]

These are not good things and you would be wise to see a therapist.