Falling over the edge

[Anxiety_Machine]

Hello Everyone.

My name speaks for itself; I am just that, an ANXIETY MACHINE. I am new to this forum, and have decided to start actively participating in discussions. My anxiety is in my health. I have irrational fears of contracting HIV, and the terminal illness, ALS. With HIV, I have had literally hundreds, if not thousands of HIV test over the past 3 years. But, all that has given way to ALS for me. It all started with body wide twitches. I had some anxiety over heart palpitations when it all started. This was over a month ago, and now my "symptoms" have progressed. I've seen several doctors, and have been tested by two neurologist. They all say I'm fine. The problem is, I don't believe them. I'm having a heard time believing that anxiety can cause such powerful symptoms. Maybe I'm not given anxiety enough credit. This thing is ruining my life. It has cause great depression. I'm not myself anymore. I don't want to do things I enjoy, and worst of all, I've started smoking again. I know that isn't good for my anxiety. I really don't know what to do. My family is tired of hearing about my problems . Hell, I'm tired of hearing about my own problems. They don't take me seriously, and it really pisses me off. I'm looking for any guiding words, thoughts, techniques, advice, anything that can help me. I am seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks. It's my first time doing this. I hope that I can get the help I need.

Thank you all for listening to me ramble about my life...

[gadguy]

You Machine, sorry but I am gonna get personal here.....does your life style predispose you to aids( unprotected sex, needles) If so you know what to do...if not what makes you so concerned about aids??

Anxiety can cause multiple symptoms..... it will make you feel like you are dieing...some how you need to take control and not let it control you....it never hurts to vent about how you feel. also if you have a physical ailment...don't automatically jump to the worst conclusion...the internet is a bad place when it comes to self diagnosing...try to trust you Docs. There are people on here better than I that can help you...I hope they respond..also if it helps you are not alone.

[Anxiety_Machine]

Gadguy.

Thanks for replying. To answer your question, no. I'm not doing anything that is considered "risky" behavior. I'm not having unprotected sex, with multiple partners. I don't do drugs, or share needles. That's what makes my fear, irrational. There is no reason for me to feel like I've contracted HIV. It isn't a logical thought. But, people who experience hypochondria, don't dwell in logic. We live in state of illogical thoughts. Since this ALS episode started I haven't thought about HIV. I guess it has been replaced by a more deadly aliment. I want to believe the Docs, but I truly feel like something is wrong with me. I feel trapped inside my head sometimes. I've become a prisoner of my own thoughts.

[gadguy]

Gadguy.

Thanks for replying. To answer your question, no. I'm not doing anything that is considered "risky" behavior. I'm not having unprotected sex, with multiple partners. I don't do drugs, or share needles. That's what makes my fear, irrational. There is no reason for me to feel like I've contracted HIV. It isn't a logical thought. But, people who experience hypochondria, don't dwell in logic. We live in state of illogical thoughts. Since this ALS episode started I haven't thought about HIV. I guess it has been replaced by a more deadly aliment. I want to believe the Docs, but I truly feel like something is wrong with me. I feel trapped inside my head sometimes. I've become a prisoner of my own thoughts.

Sorry but i had to ask...I wish I had something I could say to make it better...but I don't...my anxiety is more social related than health so I honestly can't know how you are feeling. I do know about "being a prisoner of my own thoughts" Mine were i was inferior, less than others and not deserving of love or happiness.....I had to unlearn these thoughts and trace them back to there root and some unresolved issues that I did not realize were still influencing my life. I don't know where to tell you to begin other than start disagreeing with your thoughts. Wishing you the best, good health and peace.

[J. Ans]

Hello, In the past, HIV/AIDs was one of my trigger thoughts regarding my anxiety. I became obsessed with reading about it and afraid of getting it, even after two tests that said I am negative. Yes, anxiety symptoms can be that strong; they can manifest into physical symptoms that may be similar to what you are afraid of contracting.

You said that you are going to a psychiatrist. But, will you be going to a counselor/social worker for talk therapy? Because that can help you, especially cognitive behavioral therapy can help you to change your thought patterns. With the psychiatrist, they can get you feeling better (hopefully) on the right track with medication (anti anxiety or antidepressant) if you want to take medication........but, talk therapy is the only way that I know of to combat the severe anxiety thoughts. Unless there is some other method besides cognitive behavioral therapy, there might be a newer type of talk therapy. Because it will help you "catch" your negative/fearful thought, and it will help you to think a positive/affirming thought to counteract the negative thought. (which you will probably have to do a million times a day -counteract negative thoughts). Sometimes it gets tiring, but it takes years for anxiety patterns to build up, so it may take years to deconstruct them. The book "Feeling Good" by David Burns helps show people their negative default thoughts and helps them identify which type of thought distortion it is (i.e. overgeneralizing) and then it shows you how to write out (and say/think to yourself) a positive thought to counteract each negative thought distortion.

[Anne1221]

I was going to add to this discussion, but the above reply was so good, that sums it up. It's hard work but it will make a difference.