pablito
10-22-2015, 01:44 PM
hello all, my name is pablito. I live in the united kingdom. I decided to join a forum as I have been looking on them for a number of years now and have been suffering from I would say extremely severe mental health issues. I guess I am just going to give you all a quick background on me and my mental health after all that is why I am here to gain support :) please forgive me if I am not following the norm of rules by doing this as I am not sure and people have been very rude to me for this on other forums but that was for addiction issues which I will touch on as that is a big part of my problem. ever since I was a young child I always felt like an outsider. I felt different, always thinking people did not like me. I got into drugs and drink at 13 and they gave me confidence. around 19 the drugs started making me paranoid. everytime I would take them I would become anxious. have panick attacks and become paranoid. then I became like that when I was sober. fears and panick took over my life and have done since. I got into hard narcotics to deal with this.as I have seen different councillors, physiatrists and physiologists funded by the state but they have never helped me at all. I have found them to be totally arrogant and uncaring. they have tried me on a few different meds none have ever worked and have made me feel a lot worse. I have found that the best meds that have worked for me have been benzodiazepines and opiates. and yes im aware that that's not what opiates are for, but when you are so desperate tp break out of your own pain inside the prison of ur mind you will do anything. these drugs have saved me from suicide I believe, of course when you run out of drugs the suffering is ten times worse so it is not a soloution. now because the medical profession that I have engaged with have not been of much use in terms don't realy know how to help me. I belive in the sort of illness you here in 12 step programmes " the spiritual malady " an illness 0f body mind and spirit which causes us to have great mental problems because I do seem to fit there description of the addict in the big book of aa. I am powerless over addiction I have tried for years to stay clean but I always go back to it. life without something in my system is unbearable with all these fears and obsessions, not to mention the intense physical anxiety that is with me on a constant basis. I feel like I cant breathe and I cant sit still with my self ever. anyway don't want to make this any longer and I will get involved in the forums asking questions and also if anyone else is suffering with something that I can help with I will try my best to do so. after all after years of suffering from fear you do find your own ways of dealing with and overcoming sometimes. thanks for reading guys. godbless