aimeeelizabeth
10-16-2015, 04:09 PM
Hi everyone :)
This is the first time I've posted on a forum, and I'm hoping I can seek some help because I'm getting desperate & I don't want to rely on my family/boyfriend/flatmate all the time as it makes me feel guilty.
I have always been a really out-going person, I've always had a lot of confidence in myself, loved my own company, never made decisions based on fear etc. left home at 16 to move to a different city to study, backpacked around europe for 2 months alone when I was 18, etc.
Last year, I moved to Canada to live & study for a year, and while I was away had some traumatic experiences (including my grandmother dying beside me when I came home for christmas.) I managed to suppress these things and continue with my studies there until May. I was due to be coming home in August. About a week after I finished my exams in Canada, I had my first ever panic attack. I was just sitting having dinner with my housemates, talking, drinking, when I suddenly felt the blood drain from my body, my heart beating so fast, pins and needles all over my body. I told myself I'd be better in the morning, and of course, I wasn't. Then what started was months of dizziness, depersonalization, manic thoughts, panic, hypochondria, sense of dread, feeling unreal etc.
I came back from Canada early, and started having cognitive behavioral therapy. I think that before this, I thought the anxiety had come from nowhere-just because I was at a loose end. But the cbt helped me understand that it was my body's way of coping with the traumatic experiences I'd had, and I also started to analyse character traits i have which could have always been warning signs (i'm very over-sensitive to other people's emotions, a sort of over-spilling of emotion, thinking others would only like me if i did things for them, changed myself for others all the time.) Anyway, although it helped me understand more, and be afraid of the anxiety less, the depersonalization, hypochondria and dark thoughts kept coming, and I felt that I needed a slap in the face instead of someone sympathizing with me.
I have now started acupuncture and walking a lot (which helps)
Basically, I'm here because I want to be able to help myself. I had another panic attack last week. I feel sometimes that I'm falling away from reality, from myself. I am obsessed with my anxiety, sometimes I feel like it has become all that I am. I have a wonderful family and boyfriend and life and I want to be able to be here , and to enjoy them. I want to know that there is a cure. I also want to share with people any things I have learned/continue to learn along the way that might help others.
Sorry for the essay!
All my love, good luck to you all
Aimee
This is the first time I've posted on a forum, and I'm hoping I can seek some help because I'm getting desperate & I don't want to rely on my family/boyfriend/flatmate all the time as it makes me feel guilty.
I have always been a really out-going person, I've always had a lot of confidence in myself, loved my own company, never made decisions based on fear etc. left home at 16 to move to a different city to study, backpacked around europe for 2 months alone when I was 18, etc.
Last year, I moved to Canada to live & study for a year, and while I was away had some traumatic experiences (including my grandmother dying beside me when I came home for christmas.) I managed to suppress these things and continue with my studies there until May. I was due to be coming home in August. About a week after I finished my exams in Canada, I had my first ever panic attack. I was just sitting having dinner with my housemates, talking, drinking, when I suddenly felt the blood drain from my body, my heart beating so fast, pins and needles all over my body. I told myself I'd be better in the morning, and of course, I wasn't. Then what started was months of dizziness, depersonalization, manic thoughts, panic, hypochondria, sense of dread, feeling unreal etc.
I came back from Canada early, and started having cognitive behavioral therapy. I think that before this, I thought the anxiety had come from nowhere-just because I was at a loose end. But the cbt helped me understand that it was my body's way of coping with the traumatic experiences I'd had, and I also started to analyse character traits i have which could have always been warning signs (i'm very over-sensitive to other people's emotions, a sort of over-spilling of emotion, thinking others would only like me if i did things for them, changed myself for others all the time.) Anyway, although it helped me understand more, and be afraid of the anxiety less, the depersonalization, hypochondria and dark thoughts kept coming, and I felt that I needed a slap in the face instead of someone sympathizing with me.
I have now started acupuncture and walking a lot (which helps)
Basically, I'm here because I want to be able to help myself. I had another panic attack last week. I feel sometimes that I'm falling away from reality, from myself. I am obsessed with my anxiety, sometimes I feel like it has become all that I am. I have a wonderful family and boyfriend and life and I want to be able to be here , and to enjoy them. I want to know that there is a cure. I also want to share with people any things I have learned/continue to learn along the way that might help others.
Sorry for the essay!
All my love, good luck to you all
Aimee