Do I have Soxial Anxiety Disorder?

[Brian]

On New Year's Eve I was invited at the last minute to a small party in downtown Asheville. The host was a pretty 22 yr. old socialite who I work with occasioanally. Immediately after she called, I started feeling really agitated and tense. I knew that I would not know anyone at the party and most of them would probably be young, upcoming professionals between 22-28.

I arrived early at her apartment complex and called her cell phone. She answered and I told her I was downstair waiting to be let inside. Her name is Carla. I was flustered and mistakenly said "Hi Carli." She corrected me boisterously "ITS CARLA!" and then proceeded to tell me she was on a last minute beer run. She said she would call me back as soon as she got home to let me in.

I totally lost it. I got angry and upset. I tensed up and uttered "fuck it" under my breath as I made my way back to my car. As soon as I got home I proceeded to get as drunk as possible and ended up at a nearby bar drinking vast quantities of liqour, making a general ass out of myself.

Is this normal? I should have just been able to go to the party, not drink to much, relax and have a good time right? What the hell is wrong with me? Is that the kind of thing the people here have to deal with?

It reminded me of when I was back in H.S. and felt like there were screws twisting my shoulder blades and neck together in a knot. I was so rigid and afraid back then but my hard work ethic and vision of who I wanted to be kept me looking forward. I thought that if I just worked hard enough and waited long enough people around me would "grow" up and treat me with respect or at least civility. I am beginning to think now that I was and still am a magnet for being mistreated simply because I was so sensitive to it. Also I think I gave off a "Bad vibe" that people tend to just react negatively to.

Fast forward to my late 20s now and nothing has really improved. I don't have any friends. I spend my time playing computer games. I am no longer working in my chosen career and can't seem to motivate myself at all. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I drink too much just to sleep at night. I don't like who I am.

I thought I would have a wife or a steady girlfriend by now building a life together. Now, given my history with people, I can't imagine ever enjoying anything like that.

I dunno what to say...I think I answered my own questions by writing this tonight.

Brian

[shoe]

Brian,

while some things you speak of are common feelings for SA sufferers, its possible it could be other things that need work on. Best bet is to talk to a psychologist and see what they think. You could take some of the screening tests we have linked off the 'Resources' section to see what kind of results they give you.

otherwise, sorry to hear things are rough for you. don't lose hope tho!

[Maggie May]

Hi Brian, welcome.

I would also recommend that you see a therapist. (This does not mean that you are "crazy" or hopeless!) It just looks like there are a couple of situations in life and a couple of coping mechanisms that aren't working for you. A therapist can be totally objective and help you sort through what's what.

As a psych student currently in graduate school, I can assure you that we are very well trained and almost all of us are very good at talking to people, making them feel comfortable, being flexible and we know so much about every kind of mental illness out there, none of your symptoms will shock or scare us. We know about all of them. :)

In my humble opinion, try to see a psychologist with a PysD degree. A PhD isn't bad, but they get four years of training to learn how to do research. A psychologist with a PsyD has had four years of learning how to be a therapist.

Good luck with everything! Keep us posted!

Maggie

[brandøn]

Brian you and I could be twins, I could not have explained it any better. I have been able to deal with this solo for the past 10 years but I do not think I can go another month without immediate help. I am calling doctors in my area today. Please reply with how things are going for you.