Two One
10-14-2015, 03:25 PM
I've had quite a long, hard fought road with my anxiety. There has been times when I can control it very well to the point where it's almost nonexistent. However, then there are other times when it can range from uncomfortable to down right disabling. I've been struggling with my anxiety lately and I'm beginning to fear the worst. I haven't been able to see my therapist lately due to scheduling conflicts with school and whatnot. So I'm doing my best to hold it together until I am able to have my appointment. Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed to say the least. It's hard for me to describe honestly. Everything that I type will still not fully explain how I have been feeling.
There are times during the day where my mind completely races. I have so many thoughts going through my mind and it's incredibly difficult for me to pick out a single one. When I look at everything objectively, I'm doing a lot better with my anxiety than I was a year ago. Externally, it seems as though I do not have many stressors. But I feel overwhelmed, I feel suffocated by everything going on. Despite being back in school and having my true friends around me, I feel more alone than ever. I feel uneasy almost all the time. I feel like absolute crap physically for at least an hour a day which is very uncomfortable. I've built a life for myself, I fixed things I felt I needed to fix, and I've mended relationships that I care about deeply. I have a life that was supposed to represent me moving from my life that was plagued by anxiety but at the same time I'm terrified. At the same time I almost see this as a curse. I feel like I have too much to lose now. If I make one wrong choice, I can lose it all (again). If I lose anything that I've worked for or anything that I care about I feel like I will be right back where I started. Right now it seems as though I'm merely trying to hold myself together rather than focus on getting better and overcoming my anxiety. I see this as a serious issue.
On the physical side of things I've been having some symptoms that are troubling to say the least. My stomach has been uneasy for quite some time and although I know it's my anxiety that causes it, it still makes me worry. I've also been having headaches almost daily. Due to my fear of migraines this only increases my anxiety, but the pain is not migraine like at all. I wake up with the headache and throughout the day it sort of waxes and wanes in its intensity. The pain is not too severe, it's very tolerable actually, but the headache itself is very dull and persistent. It is at its worst in the morning and at night. Now for the most troubling symptom. It's a symptom that's hard for me to describe. I have this weird sensation in my head, it feels as though my brain is foggy and I just feel hazy. It's almost like a lightheaded feeling. There's strange feelings of unreality and it's just a troubling symptom. I tend to misinterpret this as vertigo which again, makes me anxiety that much worse. Has anybody had this strange "brain fog" symptom before? If you have any advice on how to deal with symptom, please let me know.
I apologize for the length of this post. I just wanted to get a few things off of my chest until I am able to see my therapist. Thank you to all who took the time to read in advance.
There are times during the day where my mind completely races. I have so many thoughts going through my mind and it's incredibly difficult for me to pick out a single one. When I look at everything objectively, I'm doing a lot better with my anxiety than I was a year ago. Externally, it seems as though I do not have many stressors. But I feel overwhelmed, I feel suffocated by everything going on. Despite being back in school and having my true friends around me, I feel more alone than ever. I feel uneasy almost all the time. I feel like absolute crap physically for at least an hour a day which is very uncomfortable. I've built a life for myself, I fixed things I felt I needed to fix, and I've mended relationships that I care about deeply. I have a life that was supposed to represent me moving from my life that was plagued by anxiety but at the same time I'm terrified. At the same time I almost see this as a curse. I feel like I have too much to lose now. If I make one wrong choice, I can lose it all (again). If I lose anything that I've worked for or anything that I care about I feel like I will be right back where I started. Right now it seems as though I'm merely trying to hold myself together rather than focus on getting better and overcoming my anxiety. I see this as a serious issue.
On the physical side of things I've been having some symptoms that are troubling to say the least. My stomach has been uneasy for quite some time and although I know it's my anxiety that causes it, it still makes me worry. I've also been having headaches almost daily. Due to my fear of migraines this only increases my anxiety, but the pain is not migraine like at all. I wake up with the headache and throughout the day it sort of waxes and wanes in its intensity. The pain is not too severe, it's very tolerable actually, but the headache itself is very dull and persistent. It is at its worst in the morning and at night. Now for the most troubling symptom. It's a symptom that's hard for me to describe. I have this weird sensation in my head, it feels as though my brain is foggy and I just feel hazy. It's almost like a lightheaded feeling. There's strange feelings of unreality and it's just a troubling symptom. I tend to misinterpret this as vertigo which again, makes me anxiety that much worse. Has anybody had this strange "brain fog" symptom before? If you have any advice on how to deal with symptom, please let me know.
I apologize for the length of this post. I just wanted to get a few things off of my chest until I am able to see my therapist. Thank you to all who took the time to read in advance.