New Here - Looking For Hope

[ian3839]

Hi all. I'm Ian, I'm 38 and living in Western Canada. For most of my life I've suffered some form of depression and anxiety. I've spent the vast majority of the past eight years on and off various medications, most good, some not, one absolutely horrible experience (which I can recount if anyone wishes). Currently I'm on Wellbutrin XL 150mg once a day which is helping, mostly. My anxiety disorder is such that I'm getting headaches ever since I started Wellbutrin (which apparently is a side effect), to the point that I'm terrified of having an unruptured brain aneurysm. I have head and neck pain, and one pupil SEEMS marginally bigger than the other, but that may just be my anxiety playing tricks on me. I'm just incredibly lonely and frustrated, I'm glad I found this place.

Cheers.
-Ian.

[Davit]

I'm just over the border in BC. I love it here, the site and Canada LOL. Welcome. I'm also recovered and could say I'm off meds except for starting 12.5 mg trimipramine as a nerve blocker for pain.

[ian3839]

I'm just over the border in BC. I love it here, the site and Canada LOL. Welcome. I'm also recovered and could say I'm off meds except for starting 12.5 mg trimipramine as a nerve blocker for pain.

Thanks for the welcome. I guess what concerns me most is that this is my second go-round on wellbutrin (the only reason I stopped it the first time is that it was messing with my kidney function. I'm a transplant recipient), and I had NO side effects on it the first time at all. It was pure joy for almost nine months. This time, I've had headaches since almost day one. I've become freaked out that I have an unruptured aneurysm, but I'm also mostly sure it's just my anxiety playing tricks on me.A Anyway, after my previous episode with Wellbutrin (I should mention I started on Cymbalta 60mg in 2008 and it worked for almost four and a half years, which brought me to my first Wellbutrin experience), I went off that onto 37.5mg of Effexor which worked, again, for a few months. Decided to try to quit pills all on my own and it worked with vitamins and exercise but over the summer I sunk into another depressive/anxiety state and my doc put me on Trintellix (Brintellix to the rest of the world outside Canada). Two doses in I had a serotonin reaction, which has given me side effect anxiety now on almost all psych meds. I don't actually have a psychiatrist, my family doc and I are trying to manage this stuff on our own.

I'm absolutely baffled as to why I could be getting side effects now on the Wellbutrin (both on the generic and brand name - less so on the brand name which I was on previously) and not then. Any ideas? Sorry to ramble.

[Davit]

I'm guessing it is rejection, not like organ rejection but mental rejection, it is a rather long storey and only a theory. It involves memory giving instructions it thinks it should bases on previous experience. In my case it was Celexa. I was still having the odd panic attack and I associated these and the fact I was in the psych ward because I was suicidal with the drug. Three days into restarting Celexa I had major panic attacks and was suicidal. I stopped it immediately and never tried again. I never tried anything because I'm sure I will get the same reaction. It even crossed over to TCAs. It doesn't matter, I did CBT instead. As long as you are not suicidal and anxiety and other physical side effects are the reaction you can try convincing your self you are imagining the side effects. You may well be. Eventually you will have to do CBT, why not now.

This is just my opinion and by all means a theory based on how the mind works. Something that doesn't work works because you think it does, placebo effect. The opposite is something that does can't because you believe it can't. The mind is a powerful tool. Memory has strong influences. You could try another class of drug to get rid of the association.

[Leacock]

Hi, I’m Leacock and I have battled against anxiety for over 10 years, until I discovered this forum and realized that battling was only reinforcing the anxiety. As part of my journey into this community and positive thinking I started a personal journal called as a project where I write about the wonderful things that I’m learning.

[Davit]

That is a start.

[timjpcollins]

Welcome, I'm also in BC, on Vancouver Island!