What do I do about people pitying me because I'm a loner?

[aiwa]

For example, there was a talk/meeting at the auditorium today and I was, as usual, sitting all alone. So this teacher comes to me and says "come on, sit with your friends" like I'm in grade 2 (I'm actually in grade 12). and I have no friends, so I sat with a random group of people. I hated it, I prefer being all alone. It's not that I have some psychological disorder or whatever, it's because I moved between so many places as a kid that I eventually just gave up on getting new friends all the time. I'm okay with being a loner, it doesn't make me sad or suicidal. But I'm not okay with people pitying me for it, it's a part of my personality. How do I deal with people pitying me about it?

[JustaGal]

For example, there was a talk/meeting at the auditorium today and I was, as usual, sitting all alone. So this teacher comes to me and says "come on, sit with your friends" like I'm in grade 2 (I'm actually in grade 12). and I have no friends, so I sat with a random group of people. I hated it, I prefer being all alone. It's not that I have some psychological disorder or whatever, it's because I moved between so many places as a kid that I eventually just gave up on getting new friends all the time. I'm okay with being a loner, it doesn't make me sad or suicidal. But I'm not okay with people pitying me for it, it's a part of my personality. How do I deal with people pitying me about it?

Just smile, nod and say thank you...I need sometime to think....or I am here alone by choice but thank you.

[The Intolerable Kid]

Teacher's on a power trip. Some people really get off thinking they have a brilliant insight into your mind when in fact they don't know you at all. I had a room mate like that once. One half of one semester at a community college (drop out, the sure sign of a super-genius) and she thought she was Hannibal Lecter, when really she came off as a condescending idiot spitting buzzwords from a half-remembered textbook.
You could tell the teacher to mind his own business.
Or turn the tables and ask him if he's trying to make friends with you; then invite him to sit down. Since he wants to get so personal, ask him some very personal questions until he gets uncomfortable and leaves.

[anpene]

Well, your comfort is all that matters in this case and nobody can spoil that for you. Firstly, realize that you're in charge of your thoughts, and of your emotions as a result of this. The teacher meant well, he or she didn't want to get you all upset, it's just that their ecperience probably told them that most people want to sit in a group, but some are afraid to approach the group. And yes, this is a genrealization and people shouldn't be generalizing. But they are. So, the next time simply state that you're comfortable, and if it was your need you would satisfy it and approach the group - but it's not the case this time. The teacher will surely understand, as will all the other people. If they approach you with this, remember - they have good intentions. Let them know you're aware of it, smile, thank them and say how you feel.

[1Bluerose68]

A good school probly wouldn't allow you to sit by yourself. They are supposed to make you all go to assemblies in a group so no one feels like that. Its too bad that the organization of the school activity led you to feel that way. Perhaps You could make an Anonymous suggestion to your School Activity Coordinator or whomever is in charge of these get togethers or school activities and let them know that its uncomfortable for you to feel so isolated and have to feel embarrassed when a teacher makes you move to sit with others when your class should all have walked in together as a whole community in the 1st place. What do you think of that?

[1Bluerose68]

To be alone and OK with yourself about this is a sign of personal and psychological strength. To be lonely is a problem because then you wish you could have friends, right? So it sounds like you are ok with whom you are and the fact that you like to be Alone is your personal choice. Just think, after high school there will be plenty of chances in life for you Not to feel hassled by teachers to sit with others whom are strangers to you. In college they usually give you a choice. in HS its more of getting everyone into 1 room where the administrators may be able to see everyone w/o missing a thing. So it will be ok, you just have this last year to get through HS and then you will have more choices as to who you are near in a room during school activities. Just "Grin n Bear it" kiddo. Good Luck.....

[AceParadox]

I don't know why the teacher thought you weren't sitting with friends when you were with amongst random people. When you eventually get out of school into adulthood, usually that crap stops. There's a girl at my workplace who is ALWAYS alone doing her own thing. When I go on my breaks, I see her sitting alone playing on her phone, or reading. She doesn't look at anyone, and nobody generally looks at her. Everyone minds their own business usually. That was just a teacher being a teacher.

It depends how you look too though. If you look angry or sad, and you are alone, some empathetic and friendly people will usually try to talk to you.

I'm generally very reserved. I'll only speak when I have something to say, unless I'm with people I get on with. I often seek solitude, and nobody bothers me, but I remember as a kid in school teachers would say "Where are your friends?" blah blah. Don't let it get to you, just say "Naw I'm fine, I prefer to go it alone. I'm more productive that way."

[gadguy]

Truth be told you will experience this to some degree regardless of age. I was terribly shy, small for my age and just plain nerdy....plus anxiety...so needless to say i was not a popular kid or had many friends. I became a bit of a loner. Now that I am almost 50 yo, i have friends that i hang out with but I don't have to be around someone constantly. I have one friend who can not understand this....I always get " How do spend so much time alone" and "I could not do that" . He is the total opposite completely dependent on other people for validation...which may explain his 5 failed marriages. Its good to form social relationships but not to be dependent on people 100% of the time...Its also good to be alone, but not 100% of the time.

[springwater]

Don't take it personal, man. Your teacher can probably see your SA and he wants to force you to make friends. It's pretty much what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about. Old school people tend to have a different way of doing things, so to him it's the right way of telling you. Trust me, I learned this as time went by as my father would do things like that. Eventually, I learned that it was just his generation's way of helping. Our generation would be more subtle and probably talk to you after class. Regardless, you should always make friends in class even if it's just saying "hi, how are you?" every time.