All aboard the hot mess express! Who's coming?

[Blondie517]

How are all my anxiety peeps dealing, today?

I am an emotional mess. My health anxiety has manifested into a horrible fear of depression/becoming depressed after some pretty awful self harm related intrusive thoughts (Never have I ever hurt myself, nor do I want to, the thoughts were probably the scariest thing my mind has ever come up with). I am constantly mentally checking myself to see if I am happy, questioning my happiness when I am happy, panicking at even the sight of the word depression/suicide, and am just being an overall HOT MESS. My therapist has reassured me numerous times that I am not depressed and when I can get out of my own head I enjoy myself but.. Well, you know. When you're stuck in your head, you're stuck in your damn head. I find myself in such an anxious RUT that is is only fueling my depression fear. My therapist literally drew me a picture demonstrating my anxiety like I was 5, LOL.. Something like this = See/read a trigger related to depression > get anxious > feel overwhelmed > get sad > fear I am depressed .. and so it goes. She's helped me so much in the past but I still can't seem to stop the anxiety.. I've only been back for two sessions with her after a long, happy, healthy, hiatus so hopefully her words of help start to kick in.

SO. That's where I am. My husband is such an amazing support, I KNOW I can overcome this as I have overcome many fears in the past (heart disease, blood clots, skin cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, etc etc), BUT it just feels so real when you're going through it, right? Has anyone hear ever had anxiety/panic/fear over mental health related illnesses? Share away, I would love to hear!!

[unknownme]

I've had anxiety towards things that happened/may happened and weren't even confirmed. Not only about health but everything in general in life. I'm really scared to need a therapist or at the thought of being depressed. I've been dealing with a lot of bs for years and though things are better, things take a toll on people. I have a loving boyfriend, who's very supportive but I still suffer with anxiety and a lot of problems from my past (abusive relationship, being away from my family, people betraying me, bullying, etc) and it's so hard to rely on someone. Even on myself. I'm so scared I won't ever be okay with the things I've been through and that I need some kind of help for the rest of my life.

I was at my worst 2 years ago but I've had no job for a year and failed 2 driving exams in a row, everything is getting to me. Hope to hear advices that can help me, and hope the same for you :)

[penney]

Hello, I'm having a lot of anxiety over things that haven't happened either. My issues are particularly with school right now. I have an extreme fear of failure in the future.
I've also been having a lot of dark thoughts about myself. It's scaring me even more. It makes me worried that I'll never be able to make it through life because I've recently had to quit a lot in my life due to the dark thoughts and fear.
And I'm in the same boat, I've overcome a lot in the past too but part of me is refusing to believe the successes and move forward. I'm seeing my therapist today for the first time in months, and I'm afraid she won't be of much help, but I've never dealt with this much anxiety before. We've done similar drawings of thought processes, but when I'm caught up in a panic, they don't really help. Sorry I don't have any advice on this but- you put into words a lot of what I'm feeling right now too.

[unknownme]

Penney, I stopped studying a year ago but everytime I did an exam, presentation, wtv I always felt shorter than my actual skills and knowlegde and it just spirals into lack of self-belief and not believing you're good enough or smart or that you have any worth. You have to believe in yourself. Do you feel like you're ready? Then you're ready. Do you feel like you could've studied more? Study more. At my worst in life I gave it all I could and did 2 of my 3 years in college. You can do so much more than you believe :)
It's okay to not have the answers to everything sometimes, we often don't, but people sometimes just need to know they're not alone.

[Catullus]

Hi to you all, I get horrible health anxiety (even full blown hipochondria) every year or so. Right now, I'm having a panic attack that I am suffering deep vein thrombosis. I've walked 36 km (about 20 miles) during the past two days and one of my legs is slightly hurting, but I am really convinced that I am having a deep vein thrombosis. I am freaking out on my sister, who is really supportive, but she can't do much more than tell me "you are not having dvt".
A year ago I even went to the ER because of the same thing (I take contraceptive pills so I constantly fear them causing this). My therapist says I have a problem letting go and enjoying, I'm a constant worry-er. I hope you all are hanging on, anxiety is hell!