My Health Anxiety is unbearable :(

[smokvica]

Hi all,

This is my first post, I finally decided to sign up because I just don't think I can stand this anymore. I need to chat with people that have issues like me, or used to have.

So, if anyone isn't too lazy to read...

I won't write EVERYTHING, just the most important points now...

So, back in high school, I went to medical high school...and we learned a lot of things there that was ingrained in my subconscious. It wasn't until years later that I started having anxiety-related issues. I had anxiety attacks for the first time, one was truly huge - to the point where I fell down on the floor thinking I was going to die, clutching my chest. My heart was racing like crazy. Then I started having other issues - I thought I had a brain tumour, but the doc wouldn't send me for any scans. Turned out my headaches were due to a wisdom tooth.

I thought I had ovarian cancer, cervical cancer...but the only thing I have is mild PCOS (which I sometimes use bcp pills to regulate, but sometimes I don't even need them - I went to the endocrinologist, my hormones were fine but my cortisol levels were up, and he told me my PCOS was stress-induced, and not by any gynecological problem, or insulin)...I go to the gynecologist every year and all my ultrasounds have been fine, only the occasional pcos cyst on my right ovary.

Then I was calm after that.

Then I started working out for a while, I felt great! But I stupidly changed my diet and started feeling weak, dizzy...uncoordinated and when I walked like I would fall through the floor. Again, I started thinking gods know what...but it turned out that I was B12 deficient, and I was recommended to take B12 supplements. I also started eating meat again...but I stopped exercising because it took a while to get back to feeling normal.

But the reason I stopped eating ALL meats, and eggs was because of my cholesterol, which had gotten higher ( up till 5.3, when I quit eating pork it went down to 4.7 (I still didn't stop eating all meat and dairy).

Now, in my family, I have a lot of people that suffer from cardiological issues - everyone on my dad's side has higher cholesterol, my grandpa and aunt especially, and my cousin. But they haven't been taking good care of themselves their whole lives, now they have to take medication for it. They all have higher blood pressure as well. My dad is fairly healthy, but that is because he doesn't smoke, lives a very pro-active life, and watches what he eats. So his cholesterol is lower, and he doesn't take any blood pressure medication. Still his bp is sometimes higher, but well.

I have been getting the occasional bouts of lightheadedness, and I started attributing it to my heart. I kept on thinking about heart attacks, and strokes, and how I would have to start taking medication and how I could die any moment now. Then I went to check my blood pressure on the monitor...sometimes it would be 148/99! I got even more nervous...usually it was normal, but then it would go berserkr like that.

I finally decided to go to the cardiologist.

They checked my blood pressure first...it was 125/85. Then I had the ecg and echocardiogram test. EVERYTHING TURNED OUT TO BE FINE!!

I was happy for a day. Today I started feeling woozy again, lightheaded sort of...I don't even know from what anymore.

I went to my aunts, and I checked my blood pressure on the monitor again (the cardiologist said the automatic monitors are not accurate and good),it was 157/96, then I checked it a few more times and it came to the point where it was 173/103! I started to panic again, hyperventilate, cry!

After maybe ten minutes of my aunt and cousin trying to calm me down (but they checked their blood pressure, and it was fine for them (my aunt takes medication)...

And theirs is ALWAYS normal when they check it. And only for me it oscillates! It came down to 141/86 eventually. I left after that, I just didn't want to be bothered anymore.

I don't even know what to believe anymore...is it my heart, is there some other problem...or is it just severe hypochondria. Is it just health anxiety that causes these severe spikes? Can I die?! I am very worried to the point where I am hyperventilating all the time, and I always doubt doctors now because I always feel there is something that just...can't be found. Do I need more tests?

:(

[medic09]

I understand where you're coming from. My average blood pressure is 108/60. I once went to the hospital after an anxiety attack and it was 149/98 AFTER I had 30 minutes to calm down. I have debilitating health anxiety, and I'm also in the medical field. Anxiety can and will mess with your blood pressure like that. Just let your doctor know about it. You should be just fine.

[smokvica]

Yeah, my gp said that the monitors weren't so reliable, and it wasn't the first doctor that said that. Then the cardiologist confirmed this, and she said everything was fine with my heart. My best friends' sister is studying medicine, only has a few more exams left before she is a doc...she said that everything is fine with me too. I just keep on thinking something is wrong.

I am 26 years old, my BMI is 19.9...

Thank you so much for replying <3

[medic09]

I'm 19, my bmi is 21. :) your welcome for replying. I know what it's like to not get replies. & I'm in the medical field as well. Just not a doctor ;) good luck with everything. Don't stress you self and breath. Realize you're health is okay :)

[smokvica]

:D I certainly hope it is, now I feel better after I chatted with some friends, and posted here. Also listened to classical music...

[goddman_batman]

where are you from Smokvica? :)

[smokvica]

Well...now I am between countries, now I am in Serbia, but lived in Canada and moving to another European country soon :P

[goddman_batman]

I knew by name, Im also from Serbia!

sve u svemu I had all these symptoms you have, and I went thru all that stuff... Stop checking your BP all the time believe me... I went thru hell with that especially with home digital ones that cane give you diffrent numbers everytime, and then when you are at doctor's it can get higher just because you are scared of not getting higher :D

woozy, lighthead, unbalanced feeling is what Im going thru exactly now, so I know what is like to live with that and SMARA :D but you need to know if you worry about those symptoms and you are scared because of them, you trigger them again because you are scared so you are getting those symptoms from those symptoms its magical circle :D and you need to stop worry if it happens next time just say yourself "I dont care about this, Im ok, Im ok" dont let it to get you scared and dont try to fight with that just let it be and after a while it will disapear...

stop checking BP all the time. you need to relax!

[smokvica]

Odakle si ti goddman_batman? Ja sam u Vojvodini trenutno (Novi Sad :P )...

The funny thing is, whenever I go to the doctor, my blood pressure is fine, but the home monitor...nope! And then my aunt and cousin make it even worse by saying, oooh that is not good, maybe you should go to another cardiologist your blood pressure is too high, so and so died from this and this...

So, anyways, yesterday I started having a cold, and my nose was SO stuffy I couldn't sleep. Then I was drinking so much tea, and my nose is still stuffy and my throat is scratchy and ears are a bit plugged, I sort of have a slight back headache...BUT

Whenever I am doing any physical exertion, my heart starts beating faster and I get so out of breath, even going up the stairs normally! And even getting off the couch! But I didn't check my BP today cause it probably would have been way off, with this flu, and I always get 282168 times more nervous when I see that machine.

I had anxiety before, but this is something completely new to me because I DO have people in my family with heart issues, so what if I inherited it? I still can't find myself to trust my echo and ecg report!

[Blondie517]

I have to commend you for checking your blood pressure so much, as I am absolutely terrified of even looking! LOL! I can't even walk past a blood pressure monitor at a drug store without my stomach churning. My blood pressure is ALWAYS elevated at the Dr's (what do they call it? White coat fear? Something like that, lol) but will usually lower itself by the end of the appointment when they re-check. Just think, if there ever was something wrong you are certainly being proactive about it. But I wouldn't worry, I think many of us suffer from BP fear.

[goddman_batman]

Zrenjanin, blizu :)

So you are scared when you are with aunt and cousin :) Stop listening to them. If your BP is ok at doctors that is real and that is important!!!

I have minor cold also, and back headache with ears plugged everyday, even when I dont have cold.

It is normal for you heart to beat faster when you do something physical, even going up the stairs, stairs are one of the most common cardio excercises that raises your heartrate especially if you are out of shape, overweight...

I have people in my family with heart issues, my cousin (brat od tetke) died 3 months ago at 33 from heart attack but he had problems since he was younger, that is why I am here also on this forum, kind of, Im battling with that trauma and of course I was thinking about my health, heart etc. but that is the most common thing when you have anxiety. The most freaking common thing so chill everything is ok.

[goddman_batman]

exactly! I have whole riutal before I check mine :D

[smokvica]

Hmm it seems as if my previous reply wasn't submitted...oopss

I didn't check my bp again today, and I feel better for it! But I still have a cold, now more of a dry cough, but my nose is less plugged, and I could actually sleep last night (I slept like a baby, first time in a while that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night - it takes me a long time to fall asleep, and I am a light sleeper on top of that, and if you wake me up, it also takes me a long time to fall back asleep).

Now my head hurts a bit when I bend down and when I cough, I guess these are the last stages of my cold. I also don't feel as fatigued when riding my bike or going up the stairs today, phew! I used to be able to go 9 floors up on the stairs, literally running with no problem...need to get back in shape.

godman_batman...

I am sorry to hear about your cousin, that is such a young age :(...my cousin is 28 and he has atherosclerosis already, he has high cholesterol which he has to take care of, and on top of that high blood pressure, he takes meds for it. He still eats pork and I am just baffled by it. Until recently, he used to drink so many sugary drinks too! I am like, wow - you know we have a family history of this and if you don't watch out it could end badly. My other cousin is 30, but a fish-vegetarian and she doesn't eat a lot of processed foods, her bloodworks are perfect, doesn't have problems with bp.

I think mine is truly just due to anxiety, but still sometimes it is so hard to think that you could have so many physical symptoms just due to anxiety!

PS - haha, Banacanin dakle, a ja kao Bacvanka (al nisam bas)

[goddman_batman]

everything will be ok just dont overstress everything...

and if u r scared of cholesterol dont eat pork that much, dont fry on oil everything, eat chicken breasts :D

all the physical symtoms are the problem with anxiety ;)

[smokvica]

Do you get "brain shifts"...I don't know how to call them, like all of a sudden something happens and your mind is triggered, like your vision is out of focus all of a sudden, but not really...SIGH, I don't know, it is a very weird sensation (kao poljujas se ili nesto).

[goddman_batman]

well I get brain zaps, back of my head is kinda vibrating but when I touch ti its not, and I sometimes feel like Im standing on the boat or that floor is like rubber or that I have so weak legs and of course it seems like Im moving... but im not at all... (kao da se ljuljam non stop) especially when Im on high, small or crowded place... I have fear of heights and small spaces so my fear is hyperventilating when Im even on balcony or in toilet :D but Im better everyday now beacuse Im saying to myself (ok I dont give a f..., let it happen) and I dont fight it or overstress it just let it be... and everyday im feeling better and better...

[Catullus]

I also once ended in the ER convinced that I was dying from a heart attack. Three heart ultrasounds, two heart x-rays and countless ecgs later, all fine, I still sometimes catch myself thinking that my heart is not working normal. Blood pressure can easily go up BECAUSE of the anxiety, even with your heart completely healthy. I never had high bp with anxiety, but my heart raced at 180 beats per minute. Anxiety is an unwantend fight or flight reaction! The body prepares for the fight because the mind tells it so. The brain is truly a unique and somewhat bizzare organ.

Hope you are well!

[smokvica]

Dear lord, why does our brain do this to us? I can'twait to get rid of this cold (I only have a slight cold now), so I can exercise again. I still don't feel like I should start just yet...but I am always afraid to do real workouts because I am afraid of heart issues. But the doctor said it would be fine...*le sigh*. Who even made me look at that foolish machine. And because of that I have been getting those weird wobbly head feelings! I wish I could just be a careless happy-go-lucky clutz. It would be SOOO much easier.

[goddman_batman]

hey how its going now?

[Catullus]

For me, my health anxiety escalated this week, yesterday was a new low, when I started panicing about blood clots because one of the coagulation factors was sligthly elevated. The doctor who performed leg veins ultrasound assured me that everything was ok and that I "can sleep soundly", but of course it is easier said than done. My wisdom toot started acting up again and my jaws hurt like hell when I lay down, but not at all if I was sitting up or standing. I never had this symptom before so obviously I convinced myself I am having a brain clot. It was a sleepless night for me again. On the plus side, I went to see my therapist yesterday, which helped and am looking forward to our next session. I was able to cry this morning, which also provides relief for me. Does crying help you guys?

[Murr]

Can definitely sympathize with what you're going through. I've been dealing with similar issues for over a year now, and it is maddening. Even though I trust my doctors and I KNOW that my body is functioning fine, I'm obsessed with trying to make the annoying physical sensations I still feel go away. And it's a vicious cycle because the more I focus on how much I don't want to feel this way, the more it just hangs around. One thing that did help me get over my biggest symptoms (in addition to SSRI meds) was what's called "leaning into" the sensations. When I submit myself to what I'm feeling and just kind of say to myself, "okay let's experience this," it does help to take some of the power away from the anxiety. It's kind of like exposure therapy. The less you resist it, the less anxious you are about it. :)

[smokvica]

Hey y'all...I am have been less obsessed now, had some really good talks with some friends, been going out a bit...A few of my friends are just about to finish med school, and they told me I was fine :P...I even relaxed a bit, and started doing a bit more of work to distract my brain. Whenever I am doing something, I feel fine. So...

Around the start of October I thought I had liver issues cause my right side was hurting bla bla, then my friend that is a doctor soon told me I am being ridiculous and told me all the reasons why it cannot be my liver. My right side has not hurt since then (could have been a pulled muscle...or all in my brain).

So after that I was fine for a few weeks except that one time when I stupidly drank some caffeine...man, I was really wired and hyper, but in the worst way possible.

But today I started feeling dizzy out of the blue. I was sitting down and just watching some TV when BAM, mind "shifts" then felt like I was light-headed and gonna faint. Then I got a mini anxiety attack. But nobody noticed cause I learned how to deal with this so well I suppose, on the outside. But on the inside my brain is going like: OH MY GOD SOMETHING IS WRONG WWITH YOUUUU. You are gonna diieee, what if it is some condition you overlooked...

I seriously don't know if it could be any other reason except my anxiety. I swear this has got to stop!

I have been feeling a bit stressed lately cause I do...I do fault myself for this, I haven't been so pro-active about finding a job, so I feel like a slob and I have been just feeling so much pressure about what my parents expect from me, and how I want to live my life. I always tried to do the proper thing, but I don't want to live "normally" like everyone else, I don't want to struggle in life for pennies. Sigh. I am at a cross-roads there, I am still young but sort of lost too. I hate feeling hopeless sometimes. I am generally very outgoing, but also I have this dark streak to myself, I always think oh goodness, you're happy now? Well that definitely can't be...you can't be so happy cause then something bad will happen.

So tonight my hypochondria has been back a bit.

*eats a grapefruit*

*wishes everything was gone NOW!!*

I wish we could all get together and chat this over...herbal tea time :P