Anxiety combined with OCD

[jason787]

Hello,

My name is Jason and I'm currently looking for some advice. Basically, I've had anxiety now for 5 or so years. I only recently decided to visit my GP (which I highly recommend, as it outlined most of my anxiety fears). I told him my symptoms and he reassured me, it was of course, anxiety. He gave me a couple of leaflets and some advice and sent me on my way. But, here I am, still searching for answers. My anxiety comes and goes. I was almost free of it for nearly 5 months, but now it is back again. I can't seem to shake it off. I know it's just anxiety and I know it's all in my mind, yet here I am, still questioning. This is the last straw for me, I know what I need to do to combat my anxiety. I'm almost there. I get to the point where my anxiety has almost disappeared, then boom, back once again. I know I can rid my self of it, I've done it so many times before. I just need some advice. It's hard trying to explain things to other people, they don't fully understand what I'm feeling. They try to reassure me and tell me everything going to be fine, yet they have no idea of what I'm experiencing. So, basically I have this kind of OCD thing that I do which creates my anxiety. I mimic muffled sounds in my mind to sound like my name. I know it's hard to understand and I'll explain as best as I can. I'm always questioning weather I actually heard my name, or it was just a muffled sound. I can go hours without it happening, and then one little thing triggers it and I'm mimicking every single sound for the next 2 hours or so, until it calmes down, and then restarts once again. It's like, never clear. It's not as if it's a clear sound, is isn't. In fact I know it isn't my name I heard, it was just hightend hearing. But it still startles me and I want to know why. Why do I mimic every sound, why do some sound reall? it's almost like when I hear a muffled sound, I automatically say my name in my mind, combining the sound with the thought, making it sound almost real. I know how crazy this sounds, but I really just need to try understand this. I'm trying to explain it as best as I can, but I just don't understand it fully my self. Sometimes are defiantly worse than others, like sometimes I know for a fact it wasn't my name, and it was just a muffled sound, but other times it sounds clearer. It's not a voice, it's just my name muddled into the sound really quickly. I think I'm anxious that I'm going to start hearing my name, I combine every slight muffled sound with the thought of my name, which is creating this effect? Jesus, you people must think I have problems...I can assure you, Apart from this hell of a illness, I'm a completey normal 21 year old. I just want my life back, I'm scared I'm going to lose it, I'm scared I won't cope. But I know I will cope! This is why I'm getting confused! One moment I'm saying "bring it on anxiety" the next I feel like crying. I can do this, I know I can. It wont last for ever, but for now, it almost feels like it will. I guess I've wasted enough of your time. Thanks for reading, I don't expect any answers, but I'm glad I got to share how I feel and hope some other people can relate.

[krazykikikat]

Well. Never heard of your particular symptom before, but I can relate to doing things that make no sense. I bet you do it because it soothes you in a way, but then it becomes a spiral you can't control, and losing control makes you anxious. Sound familiar at all?

I used to have some really weird habits. I would tense my calf muscles in time to music, always alternating, never the same leg twice. I would click my teeth together for no reason. Those habits I guess I just grew out of. Or maybe the medication helped, I've been on anti-depressants for almost half my life, except for the past three years. I just started Wellbutrin again.
But anyway, my weirdest compulsions I don't have anymore, and I would suggest medication, because knowing that it's irrational and weird doesn't stop you from doing it. I understand completely. I still have some pretty bad compulsions. I bite the inside of my cheek, I pick at my skin, I have to go to the bathroom before bed even if I don't really need to go (before showering too), I won't order a glass of milk in a restaurant because I need to put it in the freezer first or I'll think it tastes weird.
Honestly I don't have the answers. No medication or therapy has ever been able to cure me of these more commonplace or less harmful compulsions. But hey, at least you know you're not the only one.

Are you seeing a counselor? You should, and try to describe your mimicking problem. They might have a better idea what kind of mental illness specifically is causing it. When I told about my compulsions, I was told I was OCP, which stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, which is slightly different from OCD:


Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is a syndrome that characterizes a person's overall orientation towards life. In general, this perspective can be described as "rigid," "inflexible" and/or "perfectionistic." An OCPD person demands that everything be organized according to a particular system or method.

If you see a counselor they can help you figure out what you have, and how to treat it. It could be OCD, or OCPD, or even something szhizo-typal. I don't mean to scare you, my roommate is schizophrenic in fact, and she's not at all what you would expect. Watching her you wouldn't see anything too unusual besides a faint aura of eccentricity. She doesn't have hallucinations or grandiose paranoia. She just does things that make you scratch your head sometimes, and has a running commentary of voices based on people she knows, but not matching their true character. Apparently in her head I'm really mean, and she *knows* it's in her head, but that doesn't mean it's easy to reconcile reality and delusions.
What you're describing could possibly be considered a delusion. But I'd ask an expert.
In the meantime, this page might help you figure out if you're OCD or OCPD. Okay it won't let me post a link, try Googling "OCD vs OCPD". The article I'm looking at is called "OCD vs. OCPD: 5 Differences - Quick and Dirty Tips".

Hope this helps, good luck, and remember you're not as weird as you think. Try looking up weird habits of famous people, that's worth a laugh.