Intrusive thoughts & getting through.

[Anxious Abi]

Four long years of disturbing and torturous intrusive thoughts following the biggest obsessive trigger for me thus far has finally come to it's conclusion.

I don't think I, nor anyone who suffers, will ever be free from obsessive thoughts completely. I still have intrusive thoughts daily, however they truly are provoking less and less panic and anxiety all the time.

I realize everyone is different, in what it is they have to cope with as well as how they cope with it. Never the less, I would like to share what I believe to be the major helping points in enabling myself to move forward. You will have probably read, heard or learnt this before, but still I will go on.

I think the first step for me was identifying what it is I am afraid of, and my typical responses to an intrusive thought on the subject.
For example, an intrusive thought of harming a loved one, shows me that I am scared of this happening, I am fearful for what ever reason that I will want to harm someone I love. My usual response would be ritualistic thinking, counting, rhyming, repeating phrases as well as seeking reassurance until the thoughts and resulting anxiety subsides for a while.

During this phase I found I had to be extremely honest with myself, really push through the fear and admit to myself the things I am afraid of.
Breaking the cycle and not performing my typical responses to intrusive thoughts and anxiety, for me took a long time to really grasp, I couldn't understand how to not respond to my thoughts. It didn't come easily at all. I wouldn't say anything about having and overcoming intrusive and obsessive thoughts is easy though is it.

For myself after fully and frankly admitting what it is I am afraid of and working to resist automatic responses, things really started to improve.
Along with holding on to a few facts and allowing myself to believe them to be 100% true.
I am afraid of... and as a result I have intrusive thoughts.
It is in no way my fault,
These thoughts are simply another symptom of anxiety born out of fear.

It is true and I often remind myself, that is all this is, just the same as a crowded room induces rapid breathing and increased heart rate.

These thoughts are simply another symptom of anxiety born out of fear, I say this to myself when I feel the need to, and try to really allow it to sink in. I found this to be really helpful, to see these thoughts in this way. I had to stop ruminating over them, stop going over and over them, asking what they mean, why am I thinking about it et cetera. It is pointless because these thoughts aren't rational, they don't make sense, they can't be solved by thinking on them constantly, in reality it only serves to deepen the obsession.

I am an anxious person, I suffer from anxiety, and the subject of my intrusive thoughts is something I find highly disturbing, it is completely understandable that I find them so distressing. Learning how obsession and anxiety works I now see how it was inevitable that it would grow and grow into a long and debilitating episode and it is in no way a reflection on me, under certain circumstances it can happen to anyone.

I read something that really put it in perspective for me how simple the difference is between people who develop intrusive thoughts and people who don't.

Some people are driving to the shop to run an errand, they experience the same scenario. They see an elderly man walking on the pavement and a thought and image of purposely swerving to hit the man flashes through their minds.

Someone who is not likely to be affected by obsessive and intrusive thoughts would brush this off with something along the lines of, "that was weird" and instantly move on to the task at hand. While others like myself would become preoccupied with, why? Why did I just think that? I don't want to run him over.. Do I?
I believe this happens for one simple reason. We care, it upsets us to think we are the kind of person that would even think about hurting someone. It can happen especially with people we perceive as vulnerable, people we feel a responsibility to protect.

I will leave it there and repeat it once again, in the hope one day it will help at least one person start to believe it.
Intrusive thoughts are simply another symptom of anxiety born out of fear, that is truly all it is.

[Blondie517]

I needed this, so badly!! What a good reminder to start my day off with, thank you!

[jessed03]

Abi :)

...........

[Annie64]

Does anyone get pains in the head from anxiety?

[Blondie517]

Does anyone get pains in the head from anxiety?

Yes, I have in the past.

[Anxious Abi]

I needed this, so badly!! What a good reminder to start my day off with, thank you!

I am really glad that it helped in even a small way. I hope you have had a good day.


Abi :)

...........

Hi Jesse :), I hope you're doing well.

[em1]

Well said :) you go girl x

[Anxious Abi]

I just wanted to write a little update on this thread.

Although my general anxiety seems to be increasing of late (which is most probably what has lead me back to the forum), I am thankful that I am still managing my OCD and have not had any kind of major anxiety resulting from intrusive thoughts in the past year. I have been using the same coping techniques, knowing that it is OK to be afraid of intrusive thoughts, understanding what they are, accepting why I am afraid and resisting seeking reassurance when they cause anxiety.

I hope everyone is also doing well, best wishes.

[jones27]

My intrusive thoughts are usually about suicide. This makes it hard to not fear. I know I don't want to do it but I am obsessed with not getting better and getting to that point.

I have discussed these thoughts with my Dr and she doesn't seem concerned but i struggle with the fear that comes with them.

I really wish I could just brush them off. I think I am starting to have less fear but then ill worry that the less fear I have that they might be getting more real. Ugh its so frustrating.

[Teafrenzy]

Does anyone get pains in the head from anxiety?

This is going to sound strange.

Last month, when my anxiety was at it's worst (frequent panic attacks), the one symptom I never seemed to have were headaches. Oh I had a lot of other things, numbness, chest tightening, knee joint pains, cold spells and a lot of other problems, but not really headaches.

After doing everything I could to treat my condition, these other symptoms have been reduced in both frequency and severity, but one new problem is headaches. My head doesn't "hurt" but I notice if I press down on certain areas of my head, there's a sharp pain. Notably, right above and behind my ears.

The strange thing, is that after I rub on these sensitive areas and/or apply ice to them, my anxiety seems to go down. I press on them when I am watching TV and it's the closest I have felt to normal while watching TV since my condition began.

[Teafrenzy]

As per the OP,

yes I get some very, very disturbing thoughts. I sometimes feel obsessed that there is someone in the house, in my car back seat, hiding behind doors etc.

Last month, in the midst of my worst panic attacks, I was scared to death because I got these "flashes". I felt extremely nervous during and right after my panic attacks. One time I was walking on a busy sidewalk, just following an intense exercise session (I was also stpuid and ate some candy afterwards). I brushed up to someone beside me and then I "flashed" that I grabbed this person and through him on the sidewalk. The adrenaline was so intense. I thought I was losing my mind. The flash seemed so "real" and almost impossible to deny.

But I have been reading a lot and these disturbing thoughts are very, very common. Anxiety does not lead to Psychosis or Schizophrenia. There's a huge difference between thinking it and actually doing it and your mind will shut it down. Feels awful though.

As they say in Pulp fiction..thinking and doing..not even in the same Ballpark, not even the same F***** sport!

I'm reading DARE and the author says you should embrace these anxious thoughts. Don't fight them. Ask for more. Try to think up even more disturbing thoughts.

[Anxious Abi]

My intrusive thoughts are usually about suicide. This makes it hard to not fear. I know I don't want to do it but I am obsessed with not getting better and getting to that point.

I have discussed these thoughts with my Dr and she doesn't seem concerned but i struggle with the fear that comes with them.

I really wish I could just brush them off. I think I am starting to have less fear but then ill worry that the less fear I have that they might be getting more real. Ugh its so frustrating.

I think that I understand, even the thought of getting to the point where you give up on yourself and everyone else is a scary thing, I would say it is normal to fear it and that may never completely go away. Intrusive thoughts have a way of leaving people so confused, questioning themselves, it is definitely frustrating, I often felt like thoughts were being pushed into my head that weren't my own. I remember feeling relief when I started to feel less fear, but I also couldn't help but think, if I wasn't fighting these thoughts anymore then that meant I was accepting them as my own, as the truth. It took a lot of time, therapy and conversations on here for me to understand a little more and really get past it in my own way.
I would maybe ask what your thoughts on suicide are, like you said, you KNOW that you don't want to do it, and you have reasons for that, think about why you wouldn't want to. Obsessive and intrusive thoughts seem to convince us that we aren't the people we thought we were, but we are, you are.
It is OK to be afraid, you're not alone in your experience and it can get better.

[jones27]

I think that I understand, even the thought of getting to the point where you give up on yourself and everyone else is a scary thing, I would say it is normal to fear it and that may never completely go away. Intrusive thoughts have a way of leaving people so confused, questioning themselves, it is definitely frustrating, I often felt like thoughts were being pushed into my head that weren't my own. I remember feeling relief when I started to feel less fear, but I also couldn't help but think, if I wasn't fighting these thoughts anymore then that meant I was accepting them as my own, as the truth. It took a lot of time, therapy and conversations on here for me to understand a little more and really get past it in my own way.
I would maybe ask what your thoughts on suicide are, like you said, you KNOW that you don't want to do it, and you have reasons for that, think about why you wouldn't want to. Obsessive and intrusive thoughts seem to convince us that we aren't the people we thought we were, but we are, you are.
It is OK to be afraid, you're not alone in your experience and it can get better.

Thanks for replying.

I am in CBT now. I am hoping that will help me with these thoughts. I try to just accept them but its hard.

I think my biggest hold up about suicide is that I don't understand it. I don't know how someone's brain can allow them to do that. I guess I feel like our brains should protect us from doing things like that and scares me that it can do the opposite. I don't understand why people do it so when I feel hopeless I get afraid that my brain is going to make me do it :(

When the hopeless feel goes I think the thoughts will to. I am just not being patient. I want the medicine and therapy to fix me right now waiting is scary.

[Anxious Abi]

No problem jones27, it is one of the hardest things, it still really helps me to talk to other people about it.

I think it can be really difficult to understand suicide, I think hopelessness is probably a big part of what leads people to that point, but I don't think that your brain can make you do it. Having said that, I still don't really have a grasp on how the brain works, it is frighteningly complex.

It was recommended to me to make a plan for if I ever get to that point, for me it includes trying to relax, writing in my journal, reaching out to family, and details of professionals, among other things. Maybe it could help, maybe not, but I wish you all the best and I hope that CBT is helpful for you, all any of us can do is keep trying.