Richard_Jones
09-24-2015, 07:18 AM
Hi everyone, this is my first time using a Forum so I'm not quite sure what I'm doing.
My name is Richard, I'm 23 and live in a small town called Ludlow in England.
Around a year ago, I experienced symptoms of what I believed to be Cystitis. I visited my GP, and was given the all clear, but I had a constant need to visit the bathroom. I attended an event in my town which is attended by roughly 20,000 people, and with only ten or so toilets a constant need for the bathroom led me to become very embarrased in front of my friends etc. I have, growing up, also had an aversion to public bathrooms in general, but also urinals. This made the bathroom situation worse. This lead me to leave the event and go home.
To make a long story short, ever since this day, I have been very anxious about whether I have access to a toilet at all times, it has led me to stop taking long journeys, especially in cars. I believe that this has led me to develop a panic disorder, as the constant fear of losing control of my bodily functions in public takes over and leads me to experience all of the symptoms traditionally atrributed to a panic attack.
I had to miss university lectures entirely, or leave half way through due to my panic attacks, lecturers approached me during breaks to make sure I was ok, even though they had not knowledge of my situation because 'I looked ill and disconnected from myself'. This is all through my constant fear of having a panic attack. I have left Music events almost immediately after entering due to panic attacks, even though I have made a trip to bathroom only minutes before. I now will not go to certain places, or places similar to these because I have had attacks their before.
For a large amount of time, I would only leave my house to go and see two of my friends who live together, it was the only place I would go where I know I would not be judged if I said I had to go home urgently, only to return a short time later because I was scared to ask to use their bathroom.
A year of anxiety and panic attacks, averaging maybe 1 a month, but living in constant fear of having another one, have lead me to join this forum and see if there is anybody else who has a similar story to mine.
This morning I was meant to begin a new job, I have been constantly being sick, and although I got dressed and ready to go, I could not do it. Even though I aced the interview, I physically could not go for fear of being in an environment I don't recognise, with people who do not know me. My family try to understand, but I feel like they can never understand until they have experienced it first hand.
I have never consulted my GP about my anxiety and panic attacks, therefore It's maybe not "official". I do have an appointment for next Monday at 6.20pm, (it's now Thursday 1pm). I feel ok about this now, but come Sunday night, I know I will not sleep. There will be the same feeling I felt last night, in anticipation and fear of a new job this morning. I feel like the doctor will wave off my situation and just tell me to man up, but I know that what has been happening to me for the last year is not right, and I need to do something about it. I feel like a lifetime of fear of being judged, and my anxietys of meeting new people, new situations, and large groups have manifested themselves in the last year in the form of a panic disorder.
Thank you for reading about my situation.
Richard
My name is Richard, I'm 23 and live in a small town called Ludlow in England.
Around a year ago, I experienced symptoms of what I believed to be Cystitis. I visited my GP, and was given the all clear, but I had a constant need to visit the bathroom. I attended an event in my town which is attended by roughly 20,000 people, and with only ten or so toilets a constant need for the bathroom led me to become very embarrased in front of my friends etc. I have, growing up, also had an aversion to public bathrooms in general, but also urinals. This made the bathroom situation worse. This lead me to leave the event and go home.
To make a long story short, ever since this day, I have been very anxious about whether I have access to a toilet at all times, it has led me to stop taking long journeys, especially in cars. I believe that this has led me to develop a panic disorder, as the constant fear of losing control of my bodily functions in public takes over and leads me to experience all of the symptoms traditionally atrributed to a panic attack.
I had to miss university lectures entirely, or leave half way through due to my panic attacks, lecturers approached me during breaks to make sure I was ok, even though they had not knowledge of my situation because 'I looked ill and disconnected from myself'. This is all through my constant fear of having a panic attack. I have left Music events almost immediately after entering due to panic attacks, even though I have made a trip to bathroom only minutes before. I now will not go to certain places, or places similar to these because I have had attacks their before.
For a large amount of time, I would only leave my house to go and see two of my friends who live together, it was the only place I would go where I know I would not be judged if I said I had to go home urgently, only to return a short time later because I was scared to ask to use their bathroom.
A year of anxiety and panic attacks, averaging maybe 1 a month, but living in constant fear of having another one, have lead me to join this forum and see if there is anybody else who has a similar story to mine.
This morning I was meant to begin a new job, I have been constantly being sick, and although I got dressed and ready to go, I could not do it. Even though I aced the interview, I physically could not go for fear of being in an environment I don't recognise, with people who do not know me. My family try to understand, but I feel like they can never understand until they have experienced it first hand.
I have never consulted my GP about my anxiety and panic attacks, therefore It's maybe not "official". I do have an appointment for next Monday at 6.20pm, (it's now Thursday 1pm). I feel ok about this now, but come Sunday night, I know I will not sleep. There will be the same feeling I felt last night, in anticipation and fear of a new job this morning. I feel like the doctor will wave off my situation and just tell me to man up, but I know that what has been happening to me for the last year is not right, and I need to do something about it. I feel like a lifetime of fear of being judged, and my anxietys of meeting new people, new situations, and large groups have manifested themselves in the last year in the form of a panic disorder.
Thank you for reading about my situation.
Richard