No point in myself?

[Joiningyou]

I've come to a horrible point .. after years of suffering horrifically with depression, anxiety and panic disorders I got treatment and felt 'better', in the sense of seeing things more clearly.

I have weighed everything out. Life achievements, what I do now, what I'd like to do and have come to the honest conclusion that, concerning my own existence .. there is no point.

It's sad. I've spent years dedicating myself to the benefit of others but feel looked down at daily. I failed school and can't craft any real life for myself. I'm looked down at at work, there's always a problem. I just wake up every morning dreading the lack of a person I am. Why I haven't ended it yet I don't know .. I guess I wanted to find a point of being myself but each day is just harder, more pointless.

[hunn3yy]

Hi. I am in the exact same boat. Just this month I lost my mother (I was the one who found her) and on top of that I'm dealing with depression and anxiety for over 10 years. I have gotten to the point where I do not see a point or purpose of continuing. There is no joy in living another day but instead pain from enduring more suffering.

At least we know we are feeling similar pain.

[greightful]

It is difficult to reply to threads like these. I want to offer support, but I don't want someone to think that I'm turning a complex, large issue into something small. I'm not. Or, I don't mean to. It's just that, all I can do is offer up encouraging words.

There is a point. It's just hard to see. Once you have terrible things happen to you it's challenging to see past them to the point. Although you're depressed, there's got to be something you enjoy. What is it? Eating an apple? The smell of clean laundry? Music? A pet? Think about what it is that you enjoy. If you weren't here, you wouldn't be able to enjoy that. The point of life is to have a chance to enjoy this moment. This form. We are lucky to be able to experience the universe as a human being.

Smile. Right now. I'm serious. Smile. Focus on the present.

[crowdog]

For me, existence is absurd. Objectively, there is no point. Objectively, people are contradictions and the world is nuts. It is very difficult to cope in this world if you are asking deep questions about who you are, existence, and the like. I don't have answers for myself, or I would likely not be on the internet searching the forums for them. However, I sometimes think that the only way to have a point is to make one. Sounds easy? Not for me. At my age, creating an imaginary friend seems impossible, but I suspect the answer is tantamount to that.

Okay, enough of that. I should have started by saying, like so many others on here, that you are not alone in the way you feel, at least from what your words tell (things are more complicated than a few words can convey). I am answering your post BECAUSE your words resonate with how I feel, though I have not been able to find any miracle treatment. Anyway, it would help if I could find just one thing to dedicate my life towards, something I could feel at least not bad about doing. If that, then it would seem that the problem is solved. But even in finding a possibility to this, my compulsion to reflect on it prevents my commitment. I'm always questioning and procrastinating such actions, any actions for that matter.

At least once in my life something really terrible happened that stripped me of any faith I had in justice in the world. Believe it or not, it was a relief, at least from an oblique perspective. What happened is that for that period (which has very unfortunately passed) I absolutely realized the absurdity of communion with others, i.e., the impossibility of fully understanding or being understood. So, I automatically (so it seemed) let go! I began to be unconcerned with life, death, achievements, conventional values, etc., and started doing whatever was within me to do: art/music/film/musings/meanderings. I slowed down and began to take control over my own thoughts, feelings, and actions--this as opposed to being controlled by my "programming," the same programming that have others "looking down" at us, or subscribing unthinkingly to the values and ethics of the culture. I guess what it is is a recognition that nobody else can give my life meaning or validation. Rather, it is up to me to decide.

I'm not feeling particular organized lately (due to bad meds), but I hope that some of this provokes questions that you might find answers to . Let us know if you find something, meaning in your life. I, for one, would like to know your approach.

I haven't ended it yet, either. Why? I don't know. Maybe some biologically programmed fear of death that I'm not conscious of. Or maybe because I'm holding out a little longer to see if it will change. Or maybe because I do actually care about the people in my life whom I am closest to and do not want to leave them without the me that makes them feel somewhat less alone. Or maybe it's something else.

Best to you.
-Erich

[unknownme]

There's always a point and a reason to continue. If you don't know, making figuring that out your purpose. We are born without asking but we can make our lifes meaninful. Find what you'd like to work at. Do you like your job? Are your relationships worth it or toxic? How about hobbies? Maybe voluntary work, exercise is pretty good in my opinion (really belos with The mind), even small things, like, for me postcard swapping and writing letters, are something to make you happy and to give you purpose. Get in touch with your religion/spiritually. Get a to-do list for your days and also you life. Make a list of your dreams and what you need to accomplish them (new job? Travel more? Get married? Have your own place? Write a book?) and please, please, please don't give up. You're so worth being alive

[Lauren123]

Know how you feel man, for me it felt like you can spend years being there for other people and have it go completely unrecognized. People will appreciate you a hell of a lot more than you think though, it's just hard to realise that sometimes.

[jbean21]

I too feel like greightful, I don't want to minimize your comments. I would like, however, to contribute an observation. Anxiety is a thief. It robs self-confidence, motivation, and joy. It even makes one think there is no point to life. Furthermore, it can make one believe what it is telling them even if a rational sliver of cognition suggests that one's thoughts are not accurate. I know that at my worst (which is fresh in my memory), it did not matter what positive things happened, what anyone said, I was tuned into my anxiety's message which was dark and hopeless. Honestly, I still feel like that most days. I still don't want to get out of the bed. I have irrational fears that keep me up all night, but never materialize. But, at least at this moment, I'm angry. Angry enough to say that anxiety is robbing me of life. Angry enough to say that anxiety is a liar, that there is a purpose, but it's clouded at the moment by anxiety.

[Fahrenheit]

I too feel like greightful, I don't want to minimize your comments. I would like, however, to contribute an observation. Anxiety is a thief. It robs self-confidence, motivation, and joy. It even makes one think there is no point to life. Furthermore, it can make one believe what it is telling them even if a rational sliver of cognition suggests that one's thoughts are not accurate. I know that at my worst (which is fresh in my memory), it did not matter what positive things happened, what anyone said, I was tuned into my anxiety's message which was dark and hopeless. Honestly, I still feel like that most days. I still don't want to get out of the bed. I have irrational fears that keep me up all night, but never materialize. But, at least at this moment, I'm angry. Angry enough to say that anxiety is robbing me of life. Angry enough to say that anxiety is a liar, that there is a purpose, but it's clouded at the moment by anxiety.

I was about to chime in to say exactly this. I don't really have much to add. Anxiety can rob you of a lot, and it is hard to deal with life when you feel like you are operating from the most diminished version of yourself. But what anxiety made me realize is how important it is to appreciate yourself, because I had to live through the hell of what it was like when I felt like the only good things about me were taken away. It was humbling, because I did not have great self-esteem BEFORE anxiety hit, and I still feel like I am nothing special, but having had to live through the person I was when it seemed like everything was taken away, I have learned to appreciate the person I can be when I am not severely anxious - even if that person is not a super star.

I hope you can at least do that for yourself. And I know it may not feel like you can done anything of worth or have anything to live for if anxiety is wreaking havoc on your life at work and interpersonally but...just getting though the day on after another when you are anxious is an accomplishment of Herculean strength. I think you have to give yourself credit for having survived your entire life up until this point. I know that might sound like pat and inspirational nonsense, but to me it is very true. That you are here at all is a very real accomplishment. And maybe that doesn't mean you have the life you want, but I hope you can give yourself credit for that, and see that YOU are not pointless.

That goes for anyone else who feels this way.

[BERIOS]

Hi im new to this forum. I've been suffering over the years, but during the last 2years i;ve noticed it's gotten worse. I finally did seek help. I was of course given medication. I really don't feel that it's working? The therapy seems common something i already knew. So nothing new there. The anxiety i'm feeling is about things that might not happen?

Is there really a =natural remedy=? The medication i'm taking right i was told is addictive, which scares me.

This is causing me to miss work and keeping me from socializing. I've been taking leaves of absences because of this. I'm suppose to go back to work tomorrow? Everthing depends on me going back. Actually i feel a little better today, i've been reading alot and watched a video on how to over come anxiety attacks. I feel this has kind of helped? That i do not have control over all my situations and people doing what their going to do. I would appriciate any helpful information to help me deal or overcome this? Thanks

[BERIOS]

Thank you for those words...that's what i'm tring to do...but it's hard to focus on what i loved to do..i have a new and first grandchild for which i feel terrible that i'm unable to enjoy because i'm not feeling joy.

I always feel responsible for everything and everyone in my family. I think this began when i was young, coming from a hispanic family and being the oldest girl...usally this is the case where we are made to be rsponsible for the family. This is a hard habit to overcome. I've been missing alot of work...i also hate my job...i'm suppose to retire next year? I hope so? But have 2 kids at home, actually adults, who don't help at all. I take responsibiltiy for them being this way....everyone says just throw them out...easier said than done...but i'am working on it. Cause i know if sometihng happens to me, they will have to figure it out anyway.