Lord Zulkarnian
09-22-2015, 04:28 AM
don`t know how even to start
I used to think I have OCD since I used to choose one single fear and obsess over it for years. What is more important, I had lots of symptoms like false-memory, guilt-thing, used to wash hands alot etc
However in the course of therapy my fears started to become more diverse and less intense. And I feel like now it more about General Anxiety since I become over-worried over lots of things
My therapist never stated whether it`s OCD or Anxiety
But right now I am feeling more like Horror/Terror than Fear.
I ruminate over skin-cancer idea (several months ago I traumatised a number of moles) and this condition is worsened by "no life-goals" situation. I don`t feel like life has something interesting for me in terms of career or sexual life or anything else and I feel myself like a fracture of my former self.
I used to be scared to death by my fears - buy I always had some goal to cling. And this goal served to me as a "carrot". Right now it`s all gone.
I don`t foresee any meaningful career for me.
I don`t have wife or children to care for.
I don`t have a girlfriend and it`s unlikely I`ll have one in the near future since I have serious codependence issues.
I don`t even give a crap about my close relatives (mother and sister). I really couldn`t care less about their fate.
So my fears are worsened by "nothing to live for" feeling. Part of me worries about moles and skin cancer but much bigger part of me is shocked by "you have no future" sensation
I am starting to wonder whether it`s more even about depression than anxiety. Or depression-infused anxiety.
P.S. I have right now a dead-end job and I hate it
P.P.S. I am not on medication right now since my therapist believes I am ready to handle my issues on my own.
I used to think I have OCD since I used to choose one single fear and obsess over it for years. What is more important, I had lots of symptoms like false-memory, guilt-thing, used to wash hands alot etc
However in the course of therapy my fears started to become more diverse and less intense. And I feel like now it more about General Anxiety since I become over-worried over lots of things
My therapist never stated whether it`s OCD or Anxiety
But right now I am feeling more like Horror/Terror than Fear.
I ruminate over skin-cancer idea (several months ago I traumatised a number of moles) and this condition is worsened by "no life-goals" situation. I don`t feel like life has something interesting for me in terms of career or sexual life or anything else and I feel myself like a fracture of my former self.
I used to be scared to death by my fears - buy I always had some goal to cling. And this goal served to me as a "carrot". Right now it`s all gone.
I don`t foresee any meaningful career for me.
I don`t have wife or children to care for.
I don`t have a girlfriend and it`s unlikely I`ll have one in the near future since I have serious codependence issues.
I don`t even give a crap about my close relatives (mother and sister). I really couldn`t care less about their fate.
So my fears are worsened by "nothing to live for" feeling. Part of me worries about moles and skin cancer but much bigger part of me is shocked by "you have no future" sensation
I am starting to wonder whether it`s more even about depression than anxiety. Or depression-infused anxiety.
P.S. I have right now a dead-end job and I hate it
P.P.S. I am not on medication right now since my therapist believes I am ready to handle my issues on my own.