Checking out

[Notworthy]

So here it goes. I will try to objectively try to figure out what my issues are and why they’re happening.

At this point in time I’m on the verge of taking my own life. Loneliness has cursed me for the better part of my 27 years of life. Though up until a couple years ago I’ve been unknowingly coping relatively well.

The primary problem is that women don’t find me attractive. I know it’s not fair to give a sweeping generalization for an entire gender but that’s how it is from my point of view. Growing up I used to try to talk to a lot of women but wouldn’t garner much interest from any of them so I figured that was relatively normal. Surprisingly in my teen years I didn’t really pay attention to why other guys were successful nor did it bother me. After high school I start working at starbucks and developed a decent ability to converse with people in general. Plenty of amazing and beautiful women would come by and I would talk to them. Though none of them reciprocated any interest when I asked for their number after I broke the ice. So needless to say even though I was being social I couldn’t understand why women didn’t like me, but I didn’t let it get me down. During all this I was really into lifting and nutrition so I was pretty lean and muscular.

When I was 24, I decided to join the army which was a big mistake for me. I had a lot of unsolved father issues so I didn’t handle authority very well and didn’t make any friends while I was away. I sunk into a deep state of depression from being isolated, I lost a lot of my confidence and self esteem. People didn’t like me. So after they kicked me out for not being able to integrate I came back home. I thought not being in that type of environment would make things better but it was the contrary. I started to feel worse about myself.
I attempted to do online dating but I would get very few messages. So I’m thinking to myself what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m 26 years old and I still haven’t found a woman interested in me. I’m still a virgin. So like the desperate lonely fuck I am, I start googling what women look for and what they are attracted to. So then it hit me. I’m only 5’7” and my hairline has receded to the point of where I have to shave my head. Girls like men who are tall with nice hair. All this nonsense about how they want someone who is “confident” is such bullshit. To further test this theory I decided to make a fake plenty of fish account of a guy who is over 6 feet tall, full head of hair, and muscular. But average on the facial looks. I made the profile description one sentence. Long and behold I didn’t need to put forth much effort to get my mailbox bombarded by messages from women wanting to talk this guy. They all wanted his number and craved his attention. It literally took zero effort on my part. My initial messages consisted of “Hey gorgeous” and I would say more than half of the people I messaged responded back. Though unlike my own pof account, I wouldn’t get any hits back. Nothing. Even though I put effort into my profile.

So I realize now why women don’t find me attractive. Even before I became insecure about my loss of hair and lack of height I wasn’t successful at all. And I had all these nonsense traits like self confidence, self esteem, empowerment, passion. It didn’t matter. Women had no interest in being anymore than friends. Anytime I would try to project my sexual energy they would get uncomfortable. But now I know. What am I to do? Granted I’m working on my muscular build. I’m more than happy to work on something I can change. But being short and losing my hair is a genetic curse. I can’t fix that. Yet those are the main deciding factors of what women like.

So my confidence and self esteem are crushed. I’ve been going to therapy for the past year and it hasn’t helped. I feel like I’m not worthy to be a man or a human being. All the while the effects of not sharing physical intimacy is taking it’s toll. We are physical creatures, we need touch. Without it, it makes depression worse.

Being a virgin at 27 really makes it difficult to fit in anywhere. All the guys I know talk about their sexual conquests like it’s nothing. I can’t even fathom what that would be like. So I’ve began to despise women and men alike. I’m finished living through this forsaken nightmare.

Tl;dr. 27 year old male virgin. 5’7”, shaved head from receding hair line, lost confidence from not being able to attract women. Ready to end my life.

[greightful]

That's not what all women look for... I know a lot of what you would probably consider very attractive women who are dating short balding men. Sure, there are women that do care about looks a lot. But, there are just as many women that don't care as much about that. It's about your personality.

If you go on a first date thinking in your head that the other person isn't going to like you because you're losing your hair, then the date won't go well. Also, not all personalities mesh. Maybe you've just been dating the wrong type of women. Or, you haven't been confident enough? I'm not talking over confidence either. That's just as bad.

Some people don't find the right person until much later in life. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[jessed03]

I'm very sorry to hear that. It sounds like an extremely difficult thing to be dealing with. You're right about a person needing physical touch.

Maybe you can explore other avenues to try to find happiness. Girls aren't the only enjoyable thing in life. I know hobbies aren't the answer you're looking for, but you can still get a lot of pleasure out of them. Maybe on your journey you'll meet a cool woman, who knows. Either way, it's better than sitting around contemplating suicide.

[krazykikikat]

Before I get to all the reasons that led you here, the bottom line:
Don't do something you can't take back. None of us know what comes after death. It could be blissful, it could be hell, it could be nothing. But are you REALLY willing to take that risk? Really? To never again have ice cream, play a video game, see the sunset? Isn't there anything in your life worth sticking around for? What about your family, the people who love you and would be devastated if you were gone?
Before you say that's just a list of cliches, let me tell you, I've considered suicide plenty of times, and those were the only things that ever stopped me.

But as to the girl problems. I know you've heard it, but you just have to be patient. While I was growing up, my parents got divorced and then remarried a whopping 7 times between the two of them. I learned early that it must be really hard to find a soul-mate. So as soon as puberty hit, I started looking. And I've had a good amount of serious relationships (and some I was serious about but the guy wasn't), and I can tell you, it hurts pretty bad to put so much time and effort into something and have it fall apart. To have all these hopes, no matter how stupid they are, like that you're going to marry your high school sweetheart, and then your best friend and her boyfriend will move in next door and we'll raise our kids together -- yes, I really thought that would happen -- to have those hopes crushed can hurt just as much as being alone.
I know that's probably not much consolation to you. Maybe this will be though:
I met my boyfriend of 5 years on OKCupid. And it was a series of coincidences, really, that got us together. I saw his picture in my matches but didn't click on it because you couldn't see his face in the picture. He saw my profile, and if he hadn't contacted me, we wouldn't be together today. The ironic thing is, when he messaged me he said he didn't usually like "flirty" girls -- and I am not at all outgoing or flirty. That's just the way I set up my profile, to try to get more views. Now I'm not saying it's a good idea to portray yourself as something you're not, like with the test profile you set up. I was still honest about my interests and personality, I just used bubbly words and punctuation, so people wouldn't think I was a stick in the mud. And I met a guy who I at first thought would just be a fling, and now I think may be The One.
Point is, something just as coincidental and unbelievable may happen for you.
And, speaking as a female, we *are* attracted to confidence -- just not conceitedness. Everyone tends to make a snap judgment on people's looks, but it's up to you to make them see the rest of you. I've dated some pretty weird-looking dudes, because they were sweet, funny, and shared interests with me. It never bothered me a bit.

[Davit]

You could pay for it and get it over with. It won't change anything and won't be much better than your hand. You could get a one night stand out of the bar, again all it will do is change your status. You can lie about that. Or you can just be you and quit trying to be what you think girls want. For every pot there is a lid, maybe you should be looking for a lid that fits you. Sex is a very small part of a lasting relationship. I have a lot of women friends, sex screws up friendships. After sex you have to learn to be friends again. Some can some can't so better to be friends first. Oh and the porn sites are the best way to learn how to do it wrong.