ambsamson
09-16-2015, 05:45 AM
Hi, whoever you are,
Thanks for reading this. Feels so odd sat typing this (I feel kind of daft, which I know is silly). This is all very new to me, and I'm in quite a scared, lonely place right now, and I feel like I have no control over it. I've just turned 20. I'm pretty certain that I have anxiety; I've had panic attacks, all of the horrible symptoms that we all experience. I've done my research, fairly in depth, and it seems pretty obvious that I have anxiety. I'm currently in the process of seeking help for it; last night it took hold of me so badly I ended up leaving somewhere and running 30mins home late at night on my own, and I sat in bed crying all night, so upset with how broken my little mind felt and how I didn't know how to fix it. I feel like I sound like a moaner, but I can't explain how horrendous I feel. There was no reason for me to start feeling anxious, I just began feeling out of place, unwanted, like I was goofy, stupid and would be better off just out of the way. Maybe I have social anxiety? Anyway. I made a deal with myself in the early hours this morning that this is enough, I've hit a wall, and I need to start taking control of this. I got real with myself & rang Mind Charity this morning, spoke to a lovely woman who gave me some local numbers to contact. I felt so bloody proud of myself for calling the charity. I know that sounds stupid, as many of you are very experienced in seeking help for anxiety, but this is extremely new for me and I've only spoken about it briefly to one person (my boyfriend). I'm very much living with it in my head, it's taking up 90% of my thoughts and time, and it's aboslutely draining me to be honest. I feel like there's this other side to me that nobody else can see, and it's absolutely crippling.
I rang the numbers the lady from Mind gave me and was disgusted by the reception I recieved; I was given other numbers to ring, told that I'd rang the wrong place etc, and was passed from pillar to post. Needless to say this knocked my confidence and I haven't made any further phone calls. I just feel like I need to talk to somebody who understands, and can validate my feelings. I feel like this would stop me feeling so alone in the middle of this whirling storm that's happening in my head, and stop me feel like I'm going crazy! I feel like a nutter! My boyfriend has tried so hard to help me, but how can he offer me help if I don't know what kind of help I need?
There's a major debate happening in the UK about mental health, and the nation giving sufferers the respect they need. People throw around the words 'anxious' or 'depressed' and this then makes people with these conditions feel stupid and unvalidated. I plan to speak to my parents about it tonight. I feel like I need to take control of this, and I need to set up a support system around me. However, I feel like my Mum is going to look for a 'reason' for it. I guess in her head if she can find a 'reason', we can get rid of the reason & I'll 'be fixed'. I need her to understand that this is something that goes deeper than that, it's part of who I am now. And I'm fine with that! I just need to learn how to handle it correctly. Can anybody offer advice on this?
I feel so horrible unleashing this massive, great horrible negative thing on them. They have no idea that this has been going on and they're going to be absolutely devastated. But what is the alternative, go through this alone? We all know that this condition (there, I said it...!) makes you feel like the loneliest person in the world, so I don't need to make myself feel even worse.
Basically, I'm sh*t scared. I feel like I'm entering a whole new chapter in my life, and maybe I'm not ready for it. Sadly, it's arrived and I've got to fight it head on.
Thanks so much for reading, it feels nice just to 'say' all this and let it out. Xox
Thanks for reading this. Feels so odd sat typing this (I feel kind of daft, which I know is silly). This is all very new to me, and I'm in quite a scared, lonely place right now, and I feel like I have no control over it. I've just turned 20. I'm pretty certain that I have anxiety; I've had panic attacks, all of the horrible symptoms that we all experience. I've done my research, fairly in depth, and it seems pretty obvious that I have anxiety. I'm currently in the process of seeking help for it; last night it took hold of me so badly I ended up leaving somewhere and running 30mins home late at night on my own, and I sat in bed crying all night, so upset with how broken my little mind felt and how I didn't know how to fix it. I feel like I sound like a moaner, but I can't explain how horrendous I feel. There was no reason for me to start feeling anxious, I just began feeling out of place, unwanted, like I was goofy, stupid and would be better off just out of the way. Maybe I have social anxiety? Anyway. I made a deal with myself in the early hours this morning that this is enough, I've hit a wall, and I need to start taking control of this. I got real with myself & rang Mind Charity this morning, spoke to a lovely woman who gave me some local numbers to contact. I felt so bloody proud of myself for calling the charity. I know that sounds stupid, as many of you are very experienced in seeking help for anxiety, but this is extremely new for me and I've only spoken about it briefly to one person (my boyfriend). I'm very much living with it in my head, it's taking up 90% of my thoughts and time, and it's aboslutely draining me to be honest. I feel like there's this other side to me that nobody else can see, and it's absolutely crippling.
I rang the numbers the lady from Mind gave me and was disgusted by the reception I recieved; I was given other numbers to ring, told that I'd rang the wrong place etc, and was passed from pillar to post. Needless to say this knocked my confidence and I haven't made any further phone calls. I just feel like I need to talk to somebody who understands, and can validate my feelings. I feel like this would stop me feeling so alone in the middle of this whirling storm that's happening in my head, and stop me feel like I'm going crazy! I feel like a nutter! My boyfriend has tried so hard to help me, but how can he offer me help if I don't know what kind of help I need?
There's a major debate happening in the UK about mental health, and the nation giving sufferers the respect they need. People throw around the words 'anxious' or 'depressed' and this then makes people with these conditions feel stupid and unvalidated. I plan to speak to my parents about it tonight. I feel like I need to take control of this, and I need to set up a support system around me. However, I feel like my Mum is going to look for a 'reason' for it. I guess in her head if she can find a 'reason', we can get rid of the reason & I'll 'be fixed'. I need her to understand that this is something that goes deeper than that, it's part of who I am now. And I'm fine with that! I just need to learn how to handle it correctly. Can anybody offer advice on this?
I feel so horrible unleashing this massive, great horrible negative thing on them. They have no idea that this has been going on and they're going to be absolutely devastated. But what is the alternative, go through this alone? We all know that this condition (there, I said it...!) makes you feel like the loneliest person in the world, so I don't need to make myself feel even worse.
Basically, I'm sh*t scared. I feel like I'm entering a whole new chapter in my life, and maybe I'm not ready for it. Sadly, it's arrived and I've got to fight it head on.
Thanks so much for reading, it feels nice just to 'say' all this and let it out. Xox