new member

[rosielightshines]

Hi, I am Rosie.

I have PTSD and Gen. anxiety disorder..It was due to severe child abuse....I have been so sick w/my nerves of late, i am reaching out here to see what i can do to at least minimize or manage the almost daily panice or anxiety attacks....My life is a living hell.

I have been in 12 steps recovery for CoDA and ACOA (adult children of alcohol or abuse families) and I have come out and shared my pain, faced my pain, i just want to move on and take care of me adn feel good....

thank you for letting me share

[greightful]

Hi Rosie,

Welcome! I'm new to this forum too. I have not experienced what you have, but I have struggled with anxiety. I hope you don't find this silly, but, have you tried meditation? I've started meditating regularly and it helps.

-greightful

[rosielightshines]

[QUOTE=greightful;219661]Hi Rosie,

Welcome! I'm new to this forum too. I have not experienced what you have, but I have struggled with anxiety. I hope you don't find this silly, but, have you tried meditation? I've started meditating regularly and it helps.

-greightful[/QUOtE
Hi. Thanks for answering my post and no it is not silly what you suggested I am doing that as we speak almost I do mindful meditation's and I am also breaking my medication up where I do it three times a day instead of twice a day and same dosage but just broken up. I think that mindful meditation's are probably what's going to help me a lot I appreciate you bringing that up because you are spot on. Thanks a lot I appreciate it

[A.Lynne]

Hi Rosie! I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents I know that's not the same as you but just wanted to share that I'm pretty sure that my childhood (up until highschool) brought on anxiety for me. I have a panic attack everyday usually with no trigger. Did you find that any medication helped you?

[greightful]

I know your question is directed to Rosie, but I thought I'd chime in. Everyone is different and every medication is different, but I think it's always an option. I used to be against medication, however, it can help a lot. I would definitely suggest talking to a doctor about it. Don't be embarrased either. Doctors hear these things all the time. But, you can't rely on medication. In my opinion, you need to have a multi-pronged approach. In other words, medication plus therapy, plus other changes in your life.

[A.Lynne]

Yeah, I've been taking lexapro and have had a therapist for a few years

[greightful]

It sounds like you're taking steps to betterment, so that's good. Is there something that has helped more than other things? Or, do you feel stuck, like the medicine and therapist aren't working? What makes you happy?

[A.Lynne]

I know I don't want to continue taking medication. Just breathing and keeping myself busy definitely makes anxiety easier to deal with. I haven't had much luck with therapy. But I am going to try hypnotherapy, I've heard some very positive things about it.
Thankyou for replying !

[greightful]

I haven't tried hypnotherapy but, why not? Just make sure you do your research and go to someone well qualified. Yes, I don't think anyone wants to continue taking medication. I wouldn't stop cold turkey though. You mentioned breathing. That's so simple but so true. Mindful breathing does wonders. Also, finding a supportive community. Whether it's an online forum like this, or some other type of community. Keep trying different things. I too stopped therapy, but found other things like meditation and keeping a journal. Those things help me more than therapy. But who knows. I may need to try therapy again one day. Right now, I'm feeling pretty good.

[A.Lynne]

I'm glad you're feeling good, that makes me feel hopeful! Perhaps I will try keeping a journal and meditation.

[greightful]

Yes, do it! Journaling works. But, don't only write negative thoughts in the journal. A therapist once suggested to me to wake up, then immediately grab my journal and write down my intentions for the day. And/or you can write down a new positive mantra each day. That's the key I think. Make it a positive journal for the most part. You could even go to a bookstore and get one of those one sentence a day journals. Those are fun! Each day you write something that makes you happy or something you're grateful for. As you might be able to tell from my username, I'm all about thinking about things you're grateful for.

[rosielightshines]

I'm glad you're feeling good, that makes me feel hopeful! Perhaps I will try keeping a journal and meditation.




I can't afford therapy I have to rely on boards like this or 12 step support or research I'm on a fixed income on the senior citizen and I have to work part time to even supplement that. So I can't afford a therapist my doctor gives me Clonopin. It helps I break the capsules and half and I can get by with three have Sunday which really isn't bad considering I take .05 mg of it so it's like 1.5 mg total that I'm doing oh no .75 is what I do so I'm breathing I'm doing breathing I'm doing exercises I do mindful exercises I have to do it on my own I do not have the money to go to a therapist and it is a battle . I wish I could go to some peer to peer group or something but there's none around my area it's either therapy or be my own doctor which is what I've done with research study books and workbooks going to twelve-step meetings it's helping I'm not as bad I don't think I do live better healthier it's just the nerve damage is so deep with me. They shattered me it would've been more merciful if they had killed me I know they didn't want me and they just brutalized me absolutely brutalized me and also he insisted me he made me gratify him all through my teens so there's not much left of me as far as being healthy but I have rebuilt a lot of me if I can just manage this anxiety and panic stuff I'd be OK because the 12 steps is really helped me sharing with others knowing I'm not alone the whole 9 yards it has helped but I think for my case I just went through too much shock and too much drama for too long a time before I can run away and get away so anyway that's my story

[greightful]

Thank you for sharing your story, Rosie. Yes, therapy can be expensive. But, like you said, there is a lot you can read on your own that can be helpful. The important thing is to not give up. You can find happiness. It's also good that you can share your suffering. I'd like to quote a paragraph from a book called, "You are here" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

"We have spoken of the organic nature of things. Suffering is also organic. It is from garbage that we produce flowers; and similarly, it is from suffering that we produce understanding and compassion. I would not want to live in a place where there is no suffering, because in such a place I would not be able to cultivate understanding and compassion, which are the basis of my happiness. If you do not have compassion in your heart, you do not have happiness. "

He goes on to say that we must get deeply in touch with suffering to develop understanding.

Turn the garbage into a flower.

[rosielightshines]

Thank you for sharing your story, Rosie. Yes, therapy can be expensive. But, like you said, there is a lot you can read on your own that can be helpful. The important thing is to not give up. You can find happiness. It's also good that you can share your suffering. I'd like to quote a paragraph from a book called, "You are here" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

"We have spoken of the organic nature of things. Suffering is also organic. It is from garbage that we produce flowers; and similarly, it is from suffering that we produce understanding and compassion. I would not want to live in a place where there is no suffering, because in such a place I would not be able to cultivate understanding and compassion, which are the basis of my happiness. If you do not have compassion in your heart, you do not have happiness. "

He goes on to say that we must get deeply in touch with suffering to develop understanding.

Turn the garbage into a flower.

Hi thanks for your share I can appreciate the turning the garbage into a flower and at their house to be suffering in order for us to really know our joy. The only thing where I disagree a little bit with this quotation is that some people can get too much suffering I don't I don't complain about my share I expect to have some suffering in this world but what I went through I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy because really he sentence me to life without parole basically is what he did. I'm just trying to get to where I can feel halfway decent so I can drag myself to work at 69 years of age and feel halfway decent. Because of all the mental illness I had to battle with and try to overcome piece by piece I made bad choices and now I'm paying for them even with The bad choices I made careerwise now I have to work for the rest of my life because my Social Security does not meet my needs so really I got a life sentence and I just sometimes have to go one day at a time one hour at a time just to get through the day. Somebody on here brought up journaling. I am doing that now because it helps me check in with me and maybe I can express my pain and therefore get it out of my body because I think the back spasms IKEA is a result of pain wanting to get out of my body because it knows it doesn't belong in my body. If that makes sense. Some suffering is just so over-the-top some things that happen to people are just so over-the-top there's no good reason for it there's no real good that comes out of it. . I didn't need this much drama to grow compassion and empathy towards my fellow man for my fellow creature for that matter. I didn't need this overkill to grow compassion and to make flowers out of garbage so I agree but I also agreed that one can get too much suffering and I can break you down like it did me and I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and have a halfway quality life for me which is what I deserve so I do the coloring books I have started the journaling. I share my story so that other folks will know that they're not alone in their suffering. But what happened of me was absolute stone evil. I'm going to call a spade a spade. I was wallowing in evil. I know how the people in the concentration camps built. I meant some survivors back in the 60s and I could relate to them. I am agnostic about God being involved in our lives because of this. I mean I'm about a hairs breath away from being an atheist but. I do believe there is a God but I just don't see it involved in my life I remember I used to beg God to get him off of me and I never had my prayers answered so I don't believe in prayer I mean this drama had such far reaching complete devastation over me but I am doing my best to try to put the pieces back together. I think the only true release I will get is when I pass on. I'm just trying to find some joy now . I'm a fighter and I won't give up on me but there are times when I do feel like just giving up the panic attacks and PTSD just exhaust me. And at my age I am just tired of being tired so so that's about it hope I didn't share too long hair but the quote from that rider is spot on in some ways but I didn't need this much trauma to become compassionate or to have empathy. Thanks for sharing on my thread and thank you all for your great replies. I'm just going to go one day at a time. Thanks

[greightful]

What you are saying makes sense. I can't imagine what you went through and are still going through. It sounds like you might be doing fairly well all things considered. Like you said, you're taking it one day at a time. That's all you can do. I can spout off positive quotes like the one before all day long, but I'm not an expert. But, I'll listen. If nothing else that's one good thing about forums like this. Everyone can relate at least a tiny bit and will listen to you. We may not have all had extreme traumas, but we're all here because of anxiety.

I hope you have a good day!

[rosielightshines]

I like the idea of journaling and yes post the goods as well as the Babs. Like my sharing on here I'm going to post the things that yeah when I'm down but also I want to post the things where I experienced a success to share with all of you to contribute to this for him I really I really am glad I'm here. All of us are in here were all in the same boat And I want to share the things that weren't in case it can help somebody which I hope it does. Everybody have a good day