College: What am I even doing?

[ovenbakedbread]

So I'm a college freshman. Classes started a little over a week ago. First off, the college I go to is great. Everyone is very welcoming, the professors actually give a shit about you, and there are a ton of resources at my disposal. The problem is, I don't even think I want to be here. I only went to college because that's what everyone told me to do and it's a "safe" option (rather than getting a job straight out of high school or something). I've never been a classroom textbooky type of person and I suffer from anxiety and terrible TERRIBLE seasonal affective disorder. It doesn't help that my college is in a rural, cold area. Anyways, I just don't think I belong in college. I don't want to be here. I'm only doing it because my parents want me to. I've been on campus for a little less than two weeks now and I can literally feel it slowly draining me. It's like my sanity is slipping away little by little. I feel bad though because this is a good school and I'm not able to appreciate it. I don't want my parents to pay for something I'm not getting anything out of. I just sit in my room all day and only leave when I have class. I rarely even go to the cafeteria. This would be the perfect college for me...if I actually wanted to be here. But I don't. I can't deal. My urge to self harm is increasing and I haven't since early this year. I just want to go home. I don't know what to do. Advice?

[Kuma]

Hi Oven. You got several responses to the prior thread you started, which raised essentially the same issue. Maybe have a look at those, to begin with. Beyond that, my only suggestion is to talk with someone in the college's counseling or mental health services office. They tend to be well equipped to deal with the sort of situation you are describing.

[hongminh4k]

Hello - first of all we whish you have a nice working day
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[Kuma]

Hello - first of all we whish you have a nice working day
=== Nissan Forklift - ban xe nang hang Nissan cu va xe nang moi 100%, cho thue xe nang hang. Ban Acquy xe nang dien + vo dac xe nang hang nhap khau ///===+++/// Các b?n ho?c ngu?i quen c?a các b?n c?n mua xe nâng hÃ*ng FORKLIFT thì liên h? mình nhé, Thúy HoÃ*ng - 0909648178 | Có c? xe nâng m?i - xe nâng cu - cho thuê xe nâng dÃ*i h?ng vÃ* ng?n h?ng. C?m on m?i ngu?i. Mình ? bên"xe nâng Nissan" . ///

Hongminh - Welcome to this forum. If you can write your posts in English, they might be more helpful, as that is the language most people on this forum understand. Thank you.

[crd08]

If you are going to college for the wrong reasons, it won't work out. You wont try as hard and do as well in classes, thus hurting your gpa and future chances at aid and loans. Theres nothing wrong with taking time off and decide whats best for you. I wasted SO much money jumping right into your typical huge party school/university and I just wasnt ready. So I took a step back, worked a few years, found myself and now I am back in school getting my BA in accounting and on the CPA track.
You have PLENTY of time to figure out what is best for you. Explore your options, find yourself.

[gadguy]

Oven it is tough starting a new life especially with anxiety...I think we none like change or lose of control(being out of our safe zone). I can relate some..however I have never dealt wanting to self harm. Do what Kuma suggest see a counselor on campus and talk it out.

I know you are only feeling like you don't belong because of anxiety. Try not to let it ruin this opportunity you have..tough it out if you are able, it will get better and try to interact with others. The worst feeling in the world is feeling alone in a room full of people.

I really am pulling for you, you are stronger than you realize.

[gadguy]

Oven it is tough starting a new life especially with anxiety...I think we none like change or lose of control(being out of our safe zone). I can relate some..however I have never dealt wanting to self harm. Do what Kuma suggest see a counselor on campus and talk it out.

I know you are only feeling like you don't belong because of anxiety. Try not to let it ruin this opportunity you have..tough it out if you are able, it will get better and try to interact with others. The worst feeling in the world is feeling alone in a room full of people.

I really am pulling for you, you are stronger than you realize.

I have to Apologize...I realized i was not being completely honest with or myself...I have dealt with the thought of self harm...rough period after I graduated college, job I hated, felt alone and out of place...most of my friends were still in College and doing there on thing and I was stuck in dead ind job doing the 8-5 drudge everyday. I drove through intersection in hopes of getting hit( very selfish of me) and even set a date that if things did not get better buy April 1 1990, I was gonna end it..........things get better with time.

Just felt the need to come clean.