acanthus
08-29-2015, 01:05 PM
Ok, so....I'll try to keep the text wall to a minimum, but I've got a lot to get off my chest, so be warned, this may be long!
I'm 46 years old, have been in a stable relationship for 21 years (though we're not married, it's generally easier to refer to him as my husband), and have an 18 year old son. All my life, I've had social anxiety to some extent, and only recently have I started to realize that it's not because of a failing on my part. I can usually deal with it, as well as with the occasional feelings of anxiety, but lately it's gotten really bad, to the point where I'm having a hard time functioning.
Several months ago, I started getting heart palpitations. I've had them off and on before, but they always went away fairly quickly, especially if I quit caffeine for a few days. One day, they started and wouldn't stop, so I quit caffeine. They were bad for a few days, got better for a few, and so on until one day they were constant for a day and a half. I couldn't sleep or eat, I was dizzy, nauseated, scared, and looking back, probably a bit anxious. Dh took me to the ER, and after some tests, they told me palpitations are a benign condition (as only someone who doesn't have them can say), my thyroid levels were a little off and should be checked, and they gave me a script for Metoprolol and sent me home. The medicine seemed to help, and I was a bit better for a few days. I saw a GP a few days later, and she cut my dose of Metoprolol because of my fatigue, did nothing about my thyroid, and I made an appt. with a PCP for two weeks later. (I should note, prior to this I had no regular doc, and hadn't seen any doctor since my son was born.)
It was during this two week period that I started getting anxiety attacks. They were different than any I'd had before. Usually there was a reason--going to the dentist, worried about something, meeting new people, etc. The reasons weren't always totally rational, but there were reasons. This time, it just came on suddenly, with no precipitating external cause. Sometimes it literally felt like something cold was dripping down my body. It was awful, but they would go away just as suddenly.
I talked about the anxiety with the PCP, along with a lot of other stuff, but nothing really came of it. She wanted to know if there was anything happening in my life to cause it--well, yeah, everyone has things that they are anxious about, but that's not what this was like. I don't think she really understood me. I asked what she would suggest if they kept happening, and she said she could refer me to a mental health counselor.
Anyway, after that appt., I was further scheduled for an ultrasound on my thyroid (slightly irregular, but no masses or anything--probably thyroiditis, need to see endocrinologist), and appointments with a cardiologist (of course, my palpitations were quiet that day), a urologist (found blood in urine--haven't gone yet), and a hematologist (high wbc, haven't seen yet either).
So, I've had good days, inevitably followed by some bad. Palpitations, and anxiety, which seems to be almost a constant companion--sometimes mild, sometimes severe, always annoying.
Dh seems to have lost patience with me, so I feel like my only real support is gone, or at least less available. He thinks I have H. pylori, based on nothing but his observations and Google-fu. He picked up some supplements that are supposed to help that, but I haven't taken them, and he's mad that I haven't because he thinks it will cure me and I'm just being obstinate. Actually, I'm scared to try anything new, because it might set me off again.
I'm thinking it could be perimenopause, at least in part. I'll talk to my PCP about that when I see her next.
I'm home alone all day while dh is as work (12 or more hours)---well, my son is here, but I REALLY don't want to lean on him. I have no car, not that I could drive anyway with the palps and anxiety. I don't have any friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this. (See the part about being introverted and socially anxious). Talking to my mom helps, but she's got a lot to deal with already--my dad has metastatic cancer and she's his sole caregiver, pretty much.
So, here I am. Today has been really bad. I've had two crying jags, and I probably have more to look forward to. I get sleepy after them, which sounds great, except every time I start to doze off, I get a burst of anxiety and wake up, heart pounding. I can't get to sleep at night easily because of the palpitations, which get worse when I lay down, and I can only sleep for maybe 4 hours at a time, if I'm lucky.
I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I dislike taking any kind of medication. I may go make some chamomile tea, however. See if it helps.
I'm actually finding that writing this all out is helping a bit, so thanks for that! Mostly, I need to talk about this with people that (hopefully) know what I'm talking about, and understand that it's not a matter of just "snapping out of it."
Guess that's all for now. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
I'm 46 years old, have been in a stable relationship for 21 years (though we're not married, it's generally easier to refer to him as my husband), and have an 18 year old son. All my life, I've had social anxiety to some extent, and only recently have I started to realize that it's not because of a failing on my part. I can usually deal with it, as well as with the occasional feelings of anxiety, but lately it's gotten really bad, to the point where I'm having a hard time functioning.
Several months ago, I started getting heart palpitations. I've had them off and on before, but they always went away fairly quickly, especially if I quit caffeine for a few days. One day, they started and wouldn't stop, so I quit caffeine. They were bad for a few days, got better for a few, and so on until one day they were constant for a day and a half. I couldn't sleep or eat, I was dizzy, nauseated, scared, and looking back, probably a bit anxious. Dh took me to the ER, and after some tests, they told me palpitations are a benign condition (as only someone who doesn't have them can say), my thyroid levels were a little off and should be checked, and they gave me a script for Metoprolol and sent me home. The medicine seemed to help, and I was a bit better for a few days. I saw a GP a few days later, and she cut my dose of Metoprolol because of my fatigue, did nothing about my thyroid, and I made an appt. with a PCP for two weeks later. (I should note, prior to this I had no regular doc, and hadn't seen any doctor since my son was born.)
It was during this two week period that I started getting anxiety attacks. They were different than any I'd had before. Usually there was a reason--going to the dentist, worried about something, meeting new people, etc. The reasons weren't always totally rational, but there were reasons. This time, it just came on suddenly, with no precipitating external cause. Sometimes it literally felt like something cold was dripping down my body. It was awful, but they would go away just as suddenly.
I talked about the anxiety with the PCP, along with a lot of other stuff, but nothing really came of it. She wanted to know if there was anything happening in my life to cause it--well, yeah, everyone has things that they are anxious about, but that's not what this was like. I don't think she really understood me. I asked what she would suggest if they kept happening, and she said she could refer me to a mental health counselor.
Anyway, after that appt., I was further scheduled for an ultrasound on my thyroid (slightly irregular, but no masses or anything--probably thyroiditis, need to see endocrinologist), and appointments with a cardiologist (of course, my palpitations were quiet that day), a urologist (found blood in urine--haven't gone yet), and a hematologist (high wbc, haven't seen yet either).
So, I've had good days, inevitably followed by some bad. Palpitations, and anxiety, which seems to be almost a constant companion--sometimes mild, sometimes severe, always annoying.
Dh seems to have lost patience with me, so I feel like my only real support is gone, or at least less available. He thinks I have H. pylori, based on nothing but his observations and Google-fu. He picked up some supplements that are supposed to help that, but I haven't taken them, and he's mad that I haven't because he thinks it will cure me and I'm just being obstinate. Actually, I'm scared to try anything new, because it might set me off again.
I'm thinking it could be perimenopause, at least in part. I'll talk to my PCP about that when I see her next.
I'm home alone all day while dh is as work (12 or more hours)---well, my son is here, but I REALLY don't want to lean on him. I have no car, not that I could drive anyway with the palps and anxiety. I don't have any friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this. (See the part about being introverted and socially anxious). Talking to my mom helps, but she's got a lot to deal with already--my dad has metastatic cancer and she's his sole caregiver, pretty much.
So, here I am. Today has been really bad. I've had two crying jags, and I probably have more to look forward to. I get sleepy after them, which sounds great, except every time I start to doze off, I get a burst of anxiety and wake up, heart pounding. I can't get to sleep at night easily because of the palpitations, which get worse when I lay down, and I can only sleep for maybe 4 hours at a time, if I'm lucky.
I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I dislike taking any kind of medication. I may go make some chamomile tea, however. See if it helps.
I'm actually finding that writing this all out is helping a bit, so thanks for that! Mostly, I need to talk about this with people that (hopefully) know what I'm talking about, and understand that it's not a matter of just "snapping out of it."
Guess that's all for now. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.