Anxiety in College

[Kutrov]

On tuesday all of the clubs for my college met in the quad, freshman were encouraged to go and sign up for clubs. I planned on walking to the quad after lunch yet, sure enough, I ended up walking straight back to my dorm. I don't know why I didn't go, I guess I got intimidated by the thought of people reaching out to me and so I crawled towards comforts door and locked the bolt behind me. I always fuck up like this, I know I will not grow as a person unless I go out of my comfort zone but I get so scared. Im not even sure what the hell I'm doing in college. It seems like one day I'm optomistic and motivated to get my degree and I cant wait to have a great job and a nice car and then days like today I crash and end up looking up prices for vans and having this thought/dream of mine where I leave and live in a van and go across the country and focus on my own happiness rather than follow the path that has been paved before me by my parents. Their paying for my college and so I feel like it would be a waste of money for them if I just quit. I feel like I HAVE to go through with this but I don't want to. The idea of spending the next four years here earning a degree that I hardly care about seems like hell to me. This is my first post on this site and I guess the post is just me complaining and hoping someone going through a similar thing will comment and ill know i'm not alone. I don't know what to do. Im sad and intimated and I know I shouldn't be.

[gypsylee]

Hi there and welcome! :)

[JohnC]

Hi Kutrov, College was some of the best years of my life. Give it some time, being a freshman is intimidating any way. Sometimes you just have to say WTF. Pardon my French

[Kuma]

On tuesday all of the clubs for my college met in the quad, freshman were encouraged to go and sign up for clubs. I planned on walking to the quad after lunch yet, sure enough, I ended up walking straight back to my dorm. I don't know why I didn't go, I guess I got intimidated by the thought of people reaching out to me and so I crawled towards comforts door and locked the bolt behind me. I always fuck up like this, I know I will not grow as a person unless I go out of my comfort zone but I get so scared. Im not even sure what the hell I'm doing in college. It seems like one day I'm optomistic and motivated to get my degree and I cant wait to have a great job and a nice car and then days like today I crash and end up looking up prices for vans and having this thought/dream of mine where I leave and live in a van and go across the country and focus on my own happiness rather than follow the path that has been paved before me by my parents. Their paying for my college and so I feel like it would be a waste of money for them if I just quit. I feel like I HAVE to go through with this but I don't want to. The idea of spending the next four years here earning a degree that I hardly care about seems like hell to me. This is my first post on this site and I guess the post is just me complaining and hoping someone going through a similar thing will comment and ill know i'm not alone. I don't know what to do. Im sad and intimated and I know I shouldn't be.

There may be some who will say "do what makes you happy -- if you don't want college, then drop out and fulfill your dreams."

But I am not one of them. You are moving into adulthood. You will have responsibilities. At a minimum, you will need to provide for your own food, clothing, shelter, transportation, medical care, etc. You will also probably want some recreation. And you may even have, one day, a family that relies on you. A college degree is not essential to accomplish these things. You could learn a trade such as electrician or plumbing, etc. But you do need to do something that will lead you to economic self-sufficiency. Dropping out of school to live in a van, or whatever, is an amusing dream, but it is not a responsible thing to do.

A college degree -- if you study something useful -- tends to be a pretty good route to take. So find something at college that interests you AND that leads to a decent prospect of employment. That could be business or accounting or finance, or computers, or engineering or nursing or education, or many other things. And then work hard at it, to justify the expense that your parents are paying.

OR -- if you really do not want to be in college -- then drop out and learn a trade. You can make money as a trades person, and do something useful too. But that is very different than just living in a van or driving around the country doing nothing.

With respect to the social parts of college, joining clubs, etc. Give yourself some time. The freshman year can is a big change, and can be a bit overwhelming at first. You don't have to dive in to the social aspects at someone else's pace. And you don't have to feel badly about yourself for not joining clubs or going to parties, etc. You did not "fuck up" by deciding not to go to the club fair, or whatever it was. Do what feels right to you. Be nice to people. Be open to meeting people. Find stuff that interests you. Go at your own speed. If you need some alone time, take it. It will all get sorted out, in time. So give yourself the time and space to do it your way.

[aicherrrr]

Welcome, take things one day at a time. Don't worry about letting your parents down they will always love you no matter what. Get that degree and then buy your van and enjoy the world! You can do it!

[QuietRose]

My freshman year was honestly a struggle, so don't think you're the only one. The most important thing for you is to worry about you. I had assumed college was exactly the kind of change i needed, but it quickly became apparent it wasn't. If the classes are interesting, and you like them, don't give that up. My campus had a small group of students with anxiety that met every so often. It might help to talk to others who share similar experiences with you.
Do what you need to do to feel good where you're at.
Joining this site and talking about this is already a huge step in the right direction.
I wish you luck with your endeavors!