Clutter and its effects on emotional wellbeing.

[needtogetwell]

As I mentioned in another thread, I have way too much stuff! It has gotten so bad that I refuse to have anyone in my house other than Scott, me and my son. Ok, I have to let the nurse in, and a couple of the other professionals who come to tend to Scott, but that's it! My parents aren't even allowed in.

I think that may qualify for a social phobia , hence my decision to start this thread in here.

This will be my space for musings about the freedom attained when you let go of all that extra clutter in your living environment. I have an enormous amount of stress in my life, a terminally ill husband, an autistic child, financial worries, and the biggest stressor for me right now is the condition of my living space.

I called what I am about to undertake environmental meditation, clearing the space as one would clear the mind.

So, here I go, today's project is get the laundry done. There are piles and mountains of it, so it's time to put that fancy washer and dryer I got not too long ago to good use. Along with doing the laundry, I will sort through clothes I don't wear much or will soon be out of season, bag them up and take them to any one of several charitable organizations we have here in town.

Wish me luck!

[Dahila]

Wishing you luck. You are doing, what I do all the time, pack the stuff and put into donation box. We have them all over the city , so on my way to work I do it. My dear friend, i have the same problem. Four hours at work,around people make me sick. I feel lost there. They talk all the time, invade my personal space............... most of them are assholes, not even realizing it..........
With the situation you have now it is obvious that your social phobia acts to the extreme. You focused on limited time and it is ok but.........you are alive and you need to live, so at least do something once a day. Do something to take your mind of.............

[needtogetwell]

Thanks Dahlia, I do try to take my mind off stuff. I'm actually proud of myself. Was cooking breakfast and went to get a frying pan. Of course they all fell on the floor. Good thing however, who (other than a commercial kirchen) needs 8 frying pans ???? 5 of them are going!!!! Yippee!

[Dahila]

Awesome but I would leave two of them and 4 to go:))

[Ponder]

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Environmental Medication (coined by PAM.w)

Good morning/evening guys. I see you have made a start taking out all that unwanted stimulation. Good term Dahila. That’s exactly what clutter is. It’s like having two walls closing in on us from both sides. Like comfort food, it is a slow death and adds to our inequality of life. You nailed one of the core issues Pam. Stress! Adding to that a predisposition that goes by the name of ADHD and you will find it’s not uncommon for more anxiety symptoms to result such as you also mentioned, social phobia. Not all of us suffer in the same ways, yet for the most part many of us do.

I really dig the pet name you have given to this method or clearing out the head … coining it “Environmental Medication” That’s awesome. There is one thing on your list Dahila, that I am actually aiming to acquire, but not before I first make them space. Plants. : ) I believe they very much fit the bill of Pam’s EM therapy … but I make a post on that later. Hehe.

We are not the same. What works for one may not be the case for another. But the principle is the same.

I get that plants can take up space and care should also be taken into consideration when placing them (as too the amount) so that both parties can live in peace. Whilst many of us share similar labels, we are also different. I would have maybe keep two fry pans but have none on the wall. There is much I can change in my kitchen now that I think about it.

Stress Factor:
I think we should focus on this element a little more. I hear you loud and clear Pam with the list of stresses you have brought to light. We tend to get home or even when at home reach some point in which it all becomes too much. We collapses into a heap surrounded by piles bigger than us. "Where did it all comes from?" I note just how blinded we become to the problem as the piles in our heads also start to grow. Which also begs the question - "where did those piles come from as well?"

Pam, I am similarly with the ADHD. The anxiety and thinking patterns ... the learning disabilities which in many cases or more limited by the system in which it's often subjected too. We do live in a complicated world which requires constant connection with complicated devices and measures ... the one single and simple measure to alleviating this chaos that builds in our heads; it to 1. get rid of the shit we do not need! BUT - there is other crucial element which now makes that number two simple things. 2. Learn not to pick more needless shit up!

Otherwise, like Dahila has quoted, you will be "doing it all the time" I am also caught up in this cycle. I think we all are to some degree. Some more than others. Again we are not all the same and the way in which we approach and the intensity should be implemented suited to each individual. The name you have coined Pam is quite the Topic and one that interests me greatly. Environmental Factors play hugely into our state of being.

My hour is coming up as I took notes from both you guys in the other thread and outlay a little thought into my response here. I might even write elsewhere on my computer on this topic - research it some more - give it some polish & make a little blog post and link it later in the weeks ahead. A project that I may actually finish. Unfinished projects hey ... I am sure that can be tied into is as well. All the garden crap laying about ... all those posts we just have to have, the stuff we can throw out.

As a society ... it's not secret we are encouraged to horde as we do. It's not taught as such, but the mind set of having more is very much ingrained as some kind of need. We have to advance to the next level in order to feel part of the team. More so the hive.

When we do create the space and indeed, a sense of freedom will surely come as as quick as the stuff is removed." Bare in mind there is a void that is not so easily filled. (the space inside ones head - I advice not filling it again ... or not at least in the same ways we typically do) Remember when I started last year with ridding myself of "THINGS" - I will , note the void that comes. It's not as easy and simply getting rid of all your stuff, but that is without a doubt the best place you can start when the pile gets too much!
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Thanks for the topic Pam. I hope my wall of text was not too much. I wanted to be thorough in my offerings so that this post was of us, and not wind up as mere stuff.

I'll try to keep my next responses more hemmed in ... to what your actually doing.

No pressure ... but please do continue with updating and letting us know just how much crap you get rid of. You have inspired me to start up the process of EM therapy once more. Do you mind if I use your Coined Term? :)

[needtogetwell]

Thanks for your add Ponder. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think the term I used was environmental meditation , but medication works equally well.

This afternoon was a bit of a bust. After Scott's bad night last night and I was up with him for most of it, I kind of passed out on the living room floor for the afternoon. Ugggh, feel like a freight train ran over me.

Anyway, not a complete write off . Managed to get 3 loads of laundry done. And there is half a garbage bag full of unnecessary clothing items to be donated. So, with the pans and a couple of other kitchen things I will have a trip to make tomorrow to get these things out of the house. Got rid of a bunch of plastic cups and bowls. I figured that now that Justin is 16, he can handle proper glasses and dishes. Just have to remember not to get annoyed if a few land up on the floor shattered. He's still a teenage boy that sometimes misses the sink when he puts his plates in there. Better yet, I should teach him to put things right into the dishwasher.

Well friends, thank you for sharing. I like your insights. I am definitely going to go the plant route. They add so much to a space in my humble opinion, I just have to make room for them first.

Please continue to share, it certainly does encourage me.

Thank you to Ponder for taking so much of your hour and posting here, I really appreciate it.

Bye for now.

[JohnC]

I do not like having clutter around but i do have a problem with certain things that i am afraid i may need someday. A friend i know says he uses the 365 day rule. if he does not use it in one year it goes.
I use the bad luck rule....................I burnt down my garage and that cleared out a huge load in about one hour!

[needtogetwell]

😄, not so sure my insurance company would pay out if I burnt the house down, although I admit the thought has crossed my mind.

Burning down the garage, that really is bad luck! I hope you have recovered from it.

Yup, in the mood to make stuff go. Now if only we didn't have rediculous garbage pick up rules. Only allowed 2 cans every other week. Recyclables, we are allowed every week. I wonder how I can justify some of the crap as recyclable . Must think on that. !

[needtogetwell]

As usual, I'm having issues again with autocorrect and smilies, the start of the last post should have been :D

[Ponder]

See what I mean about the learning difficulties. :) It had been reasoned that some of us miss words like so because we are simply lazy. I miss read words like I get text jumbled up. I also have trouble listening to people in a like wise manner. Happens a lot with me Pam. Like you say ... Medication fits well too. ( Edit → I also have less time to edit now - will work on that just like I did now. )

Sounds like your off to a good start despite feeling so low. The saying "Little by Little" comes into play here Pam. Also do not think on that stumbling block of "unfinished projects". You've set the intention and already now have taken steps on the clothes and unnecessary cutlery. Well Done!

Perhaps just continue on with those by making the trip to the donation bin, using some face book group to have someone come round and pick the up or listing on eBay if you feel such item qualify to do so. I know I am repeating myself with those tips. The Fave Book one is a great way to make it an easy process. You will be suppressed how many people will rush over to pick up you unwanted things. There are many free cycle groups you can check out. You probably already have a things for free group on FB over there akin to what my wife runs on this end.

I recently cut our cutlery down to 4 a piece ... I think I will reduce that number further on everything. Wash, Rinse, Repeat! Sounds like a plan. Hotel living at home. I can sense on order to that only befitting of how I would like to live.
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Today I set my kitchen straight ... remove the less used items from the bench tops for a more spacious feel ... and reduces the number down to 2 of everything - with perhaps a back up box easily accessible on one of the cupboards.

[needtogetwell]

Ok, fess up time...... Didn't get anything done to rid myself of stuff today. Don't feel good about it but it seed like Scott and Justin's needs came first today, and boy, they were both quite needy.

While out doing some of the necessary errands today I came across a French press coffeemaker. So here came the mental gymnastics, I've wanted one for years, this is a good one at a reasonable price, but on the other hand I'm trying not to bring home any more stuff....what to do? What to do?

I bought it.

Now I have to buy some organic, fair trade decaf coffee for it. So off I go to the whole foods store. Man I could spend a bundle in there. Everything my eating requirements are under one roof! I'm in heaven!

Now, I can a hear all of you.....coffee? I thought you gave that up. Well yes I did, but there is something about a good cup of coffee ( even decaf) that I have been missing. BTW, the only other thing I bought was an organic spaghetti squash, and a couple of dark chocolate sticks (80% cocoa).

Not a single regret here. The coffee was perfect. And that square of chocolate just made it perfection.

Now turning my attention back to all the stuff. Part of the problem is that much of the excess kitchen crap came from Scotts mum when we moved her into the nursing home. Sneaky me, now that Scott is so ill, I have been able to purge a number of the things I got from her, without him noticing. Things like the massive doll house that Scotts father made, very skillfully I might add, will have to wait for some time in the future to find a new home. It takes up 5 square feet of my bedroom, space I would like to have back.

Well tomorrow is another day, will try to get on this again. Tomorrow is also Justin's 16th birthday. Yay! More stuff into the house. Grrrrrr.....

[Dahila]

Are you a hoarder Pam? My best friend is and she goes through hell trying to change it. Maybe buying things make you temporarily better? I went through that phase, owned a lot to credit cards, and said No, I paid it off, if I can not afford something from my account, I am not getting it. It feels much better now:))

[needtogetwell]

No, don't think I am a hoarder. I think the truth of it all is that I am lazy. Much of what I have to get rid of simply should have been thrown out long ago. If I had thrown out all the crap when it broke, became stained or ran out of products then I wouldn't be in half the mess I am right now.

Truthfully, since Scott was diagnosed 3 months ago tomorrow, I have spent every waking minute tending to him. Nothing else mattered. Now I have squalor that must be dealt with. Now that
he sleeps much of the day, I can get at things that have gotten away on me.

I agree with you D. I got rid of my credit cards long ago. Feels much better to pay cash for something you want. Now the only debt I have is the mortgage on the house. It's all good.

[Ponder]

Don't make it a project. Just address each pile and or item as they come to mind as you happen upon them whilst focusing your limited energy reserves where they are best needed?

[jessed03]

Great thread. I totally get what you guys mean about clutter and wellbeing. My mind just feels so much better when I have space around me. About a month ago I emptied my room of all the stuff I wasn't using. It's pretty much empty now. Totally spontaneous thing. Just got sick of it all. Looks a little like a prison cell now, lol. But the space just helps me breathe easier.

You finding it beneficial?

Hope Justin's b-day is going/went well. Can't quite work out the time differences so not sure where you're at with that. Sixteen, eh. That's a big one! :)

[needtogetwell]

Hey Jesse,
Thanks for stopping by my thread!

Well the 16year old has had a good day. It has been all about minions! He loves those things. Amazing I even know what they are considering he won't let me watch despicable me, and I won't even ask him about the sequel or the minions movie! Lol

So this house has a very large minions on the beach birthday cake, all the crap in it that Ponder spoke about in his thread. I had a fork full and it was more than enough for me.

This old body can't take that crap any more. I will be glad to hear up the left overs of last nights stuffed spaghetti squash. Now that was yummy. Made a thick tomato based mixture of ground pork ( pasture raised of course) and various veggies. Put it into the baked squash halves and sprinkled with Parmesan. Yum yum yum.

Today has been another bust on the purging thing, we had another bad night and today being Justin's birthday and having to go to mom and dads place to cut caterpillar nests out of their apple trees, I just have done nothing in the house. Oh well there is still tomorrow.

[needtogetwell]

Success!!!!!

It took me all of 15 minutes, but I finally got the last shelf installed over my washer and dryer. Ok, I started this 5 months ago. Bought 2 shelves to begin with and decided once they were installed to add a third. So off I go to Home Depot to get the last one. Don't I have it cut too big. Dumb ass! You know your memory is full of holes so why rely on that? But oh no, Pam thought she knew better. (Story of my life). So the shelf sat here until 2 weeks ago when I took it back to Home Depot and they cut it to the right size. So now, while Scott is ok sleeping and hooked up to IV and feed pump I get to work on the shelf.

It is done! I can now get the laundry soap, fabric softener and jug of vinegar off the floor! Yay!

Now what can I find to trip on in there?

[Ponder]

Congrats on your new found Success. For just an additional $5.00 I can link you an eBook entitled "Beyond Success" http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hard-smiley-emoticon.gif (http://www.sherv.net/)

Seriously... Congratulations. I hope you and Scott have a good evening.

[needtogetwell]

You read that post too! My thoughts exactly!

[Dahila]

Well I made another soap, and the labels:)) ufffffffffff

[needtogetwell]

So it's been a good day for you Dahlia. You are probably tired now. Have a nice rest.

[Dahila]

I am exhausted, had not sleep again:)) I had not accomplish everything; should color the hair, should shrink wrap some soaps............eh

[needtogetwell]

I totally understand the exhaustion.

4:50 am and I have to get ready to face a few hours at work. Wow, a week of vacation goes by so fast.

Feeling quite down for the past couple of days. The word abandoned comes to mind, oh well, life is full of ups and downs. I will recover.

Haven't made much more progress in my getting rid of stuff effort. The positive is that I haven't added anything, and the space that has been cleared is still clear. I will call that a win.

So off I go, get ready for work and then be home for when the nurse gets here. I think a nap this afternoon is an order.

Cheers!

[Ponder]

I can appreciate that Pam. I too have not found the last couple of days easy either.

I hope works presents an opportunity to get through the day a little easier.

[needtogetwell]

Fairly successful day today. Managed to get to work, met with the dietitian, had a wee nap this afternoon, and dealt with the much dreaded kitchen counter top.

Well actually not the whole thing, most of it isn't too bad. It is really just 1 square foot area. Most of the crap is in the trash, things to keep are off to their proper places. It's not entirely done, but feeling some relief every time I walk into the kitchen. This plan just may be paying off.

Tomorrow will have to break out the iron. Clean clothes sitting in the baskets not folded require some attention.

So for now, even though it is late, going to eat this bangers and mash I made (comfort food) and call it a day. 3:30am comes early,

Cheers all!

[needtogetwell]

Warning!!!!!! Flame thrower on.

But this is my thread, so what the hell.

Freeing up space in my brain by clearing the crap out of my house is a double edged sword. Now that I have removed some clutter from my brain it has left some vacant space which allows me to think about things which otherwise likely would not have warranted a second thought.

I am currently pissed off, disillusioned and hurt. With all of the piles and piles of crap I have to deal with on a daily basis, I am now wondering about the sincerity of words. It's easy to say that oh well, this is life, and for the most part I can do that with relative ease, but occasionally the sensitive part of my brain takes over, and well, maybe I over think things.

Some losses impact you more than you realize, and make you wonder about the sincerity of those around you. Are they just saying things or are the feelings and the words just that, words.

Sincerity, I don't know any other way to be, I hope this passes, I would hate to be completely jaded.

[Renge]

I found this post really interesting to read and I think it's fantastic you're taking charge and starting to sort things out. My house is in a very similar state, I never let anyone isnde. Unfortunately I live with my family and much of the clutter belongs to the various members so I don't have any free reign to get rid of what I want. I try to keep my own room relatively 'clutter free' unfortunately I have the smallest room in the house and am an avid reader so much of my space is taken up by books, book I cannot bring myself to rehome or throw away. (In my defence I do re-read a lot of them.)
Anyway, I just wanted to say I think it's really good you're getting things in order. I am slowly trying to encourage people in my house to do the same but it feels like a loosing battle, it just doesn't seem to impact them the way it does me.

[needtogetwell]

Hi Renge,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I completely get why you are frustrated. The rules are somewhat different when you share the house with others and / or are not the head of the household.

As you say, do the best that you can do with your own space, sometimes others just follow by example.....sometimes not.

Good luck!, and thanks for the encouragement .

[Renge]

Hi
You're right, all I can do is keep plugging away at it I guess
Like wise to you to :)

[needtogetwell]

What a day! Could have easily spent more than 4 hours at work today, more like 40, and there would still be lots for me to do. Starting at 5:00 am certainly sees 4 hours fly by. Wonder why it isn't so when you work an afternoon shift? Anyway, going to have to start at 3;00am tomorrow, so much to do. Need to try to stay until 9 or 10 , money is so tight right now, it's a good thing that Scotts feed is paid for cause the fridge is getting pretty bare . Good thing the freezer is pretty much full. That will keep me for a while.

Anyway, earlier I mentioned that I was going to have to drag the iron out to deal with the baskets full of clean clothes. Well, with a bad back I couldn't see myself standing for hours ironing, so, back into the washer and dryer they went! This time I was smart enough to be there when the dryer finished and folded everything right away. No ironing required! My hydro bill will suck but I will deal with that next month when it comes in.

So long story short, dealt with the laundry clutter. Big win in my book! And, the kitchen counter is still clear. Wow, I might be getting the hang of this.

Tomorrows episode: washing the kitchen floor and getting my sewing machine off the kitchen table.

Until then......
Cheers!

[Dahila]

Pam I am reading, just no energy to post anything. I am here.................... the f*****insomnia i killing me gently

[needtogetwell]

Ok, so so day.

It's hotter than blazes here, check the calendar, I'm sure it says September 2.....this is what we should have had in late July, early August. Even with the oppressive heat I managed to pull some of those 6 foot weeds from my garden. The garden is going to be a very long term project. Every time I look out at it it screams clutter! So it hurts my already full brain to look at it.

I think today I went into the garden to blow off some steam. Pulling weeds seemed to be just the physical work I needed. Hope I don't pay for it when if my back goes out. Just what I would need, the back to act up.

For the past few days I have been mad and irritated with Scott. He's just not putting enough effort into getting enough calories into him to sustain his basic body functions. I get that he has no energy, I get that swallowing food is a challenge. I get that sitting in the chair hooked up to the feed pump is boring. But damn it to hell! He's going to die from malnutrition before the cancer gets him. Boy that pisses me off. I just want to cuff him upside the head and scream WAKE UP ASSHOLE!!!!!

So, the good news for today..... The kitchen counters are still clear, I guess that's something.

Better get to bed, going to work for 3:00am so that I can earn some money before I have to start my unpaid nursing job.

Good night.

[needtogetwell]

Another long day, not nearly enough energy or hours in it.

Today's de cluttering exercise focused on the yard. Managed to get rid of the 6foot weeds in the gardens right beside my front door. These particular ones were playing on my mind as I had to look at them every time I went in or out of my house, and when I would camp out on the door step having a smoke. (Like now)

Got the pine tree trimmed and the skyrocket juniper done too, along with the weeping pea shrub in the front yard . It always amazes me how many roots put up shoots on that darn thing making my lovely compact tree look like it was never taken care of.

10 leaf bags of assorted weeds from the back patio later along with 4 trash bags full and we can once again sit out there relatively unimpinged. For those of you not familiar with a paper leaf bag it looks like your regular paper grocery bag on steroids. It stands 4 feet high and you could easily loose a small child or 2 in there. Lol.

All this physical labour has been necessary for me to get rid of some of my agravation towards Scott. I feel like such a nag, I am constantly bitching at him to eat, or the very least hook him up to the feed pump. He just doesn't get it. Without some nourishment is body will shut down, it's that serious, I'm both frustrated and scared at this point .

One more day at work then I'm on vacation again. Not sure if that is a blessing or not. Child starts back to school on Tuesday and I'm not looking forward to a repeat of last years school nightmare. Hopefully this new school he is going to will work out better.

Well, that's it for now, 3:00am comes early.

[needtogetwell]

Been a bit since I posted here, my bad.

I really had the kitchen area well under control , that is until the big top circus came to my house today! Hospital bed in, sofa chairs book shelves moved around and all the assorted crap... You guessed it, in my kitchen !

Oh well, when the circus comes to town, all bets are off. Tomorrow is another day. Get to spend half of it at the hospital, it's Scotts chemo day. Maybe I will find my sink and stove tomorrow.

Cheers all!

[greightful]

I've started reading a book called "the life-changing magic of tidying up - the japanese art of decluttering and organizing" by Marie Kondo. I haven't gotten very far. But, I'm thinking this book is basically going to tell me to throw a lot of stuff away (or donate it).