stho
09-06-2008, 12:12 AM
Hi everyone
I'm sean. I am a 16 year old boy who has had anxiety problems since I was 4. I remember having attacks from the time I was a little kid, but these small attacks were nothing compared to what I was soon about to endure. It started when I was 12. all of a sudden I became extremely depressed about my life, and I started having attacks more than just once or twice a week. I also developed a fear of cancer in my legs and I started scratching and feeling my legs to no end and they became red and irritated. I started to change, from a sweet little boy who made honours to a distraught adolescant who wore only black clothes and walked with his head down ignoring the world around me. this got better though, and throughout the year I was 13, I only had attacks here and there and mild mood swings. but then it changed again, I got hit with massive anxiety attacks almost every day when I was 14, and I became abusive of alcohol and severely depressed day after day. I lost friends because I went to school drunk and people thought I was a fool, I lost dignity because I was always too drunk to not make a fool of myself, and worst, I lose touch with reality when I got hit with sever derealization, and I soon developed borderline personality disorder. About near the end of the time I was 14, I told my parents about everything, and I got put into therapy, and also pills. The first medication I went on was clonazepam. But soon, I became addicted to them and I came off, but then my anxity hit me even harder so I went on prozac and a sedative called trazodone. The prozac after 3 months took away my emotions and my ability to feel empathy, I figured that maybe pills werent the answer so I came off of them and thats when the real hell started. when I was 15, I had 3 anxiety attacks EVERY day, SEVERE derealization, massive mood swings, seemingly endless and torturing depression, and a feeling of worthlessness that tortured me. After months of dealing with this I also developed a fear of drugs after having laced weed, and then developed my fear of eating because I thought people were putting hard drugs in my food to try and kill me. I stopped eating all together for 2 months. I endsed up losing 20 pounds, making my cirlcle of friends and my family depressed and worried, and causing myself more uneeded stress. This is not where it ended though. Around last July, when I was in summerschool I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to school in the morning and feared I was going to die, this made me afraid of going outside, and spawned a stint of agoraphobia that haunted me all summer long. I basically spent my summer inside grieving my life and wanting to die, what a way to live eh. To this day I deal with these things, although a little less severe, I now eat and go outside but I'm a part time bullimic ( which I have been for the past 2 years). I wake up every day wondering when I will finally die, as I see no end to this despair.
I'm sean. I am a 16 year old boy who has had anxiety problems since I was 4. I remember having attacks from the time I was a little kid, but these small attacks were nothing compared to what I was soon about to endure. It started when I was 12. all of a sudden I became extremely depressed about my life, and I started having attacks more than just once or twice a week. I also developed a fear of cancer in my legs and I started scratching and feeling my legs to no end and they became red and irritated. I started to change, from a sweet little boy who made honours to a distraught adolescant who wore only black clothes and walked with his head down ignoring the world around me. this got better though, and throughout the year I was 13, I only had attacks here and there and mild mood swings. but then it changed again, I got hit with massive anxiety attacks almost every day when I was 14, and I became abusive of alcohol and severely depressed day after day. I lost friends because I went to school drunk and people thought I was a fool, I lost dignity because I was always too drunk to not make a fool of myself, and worst, I lose touch with reality when I got hit with sever derealization, and I soon developed borderline personality disorder. About near the end of the time I was 14, I told my parents about everything, and I got put into therapy, and also pills. The first medication I went on was clonazepam. But soon, I became addicted to them and I came off, but then my anxity hit me even harder so I went on prozac and a sedative called trazodone. The prozac after 3 months took away my emotions and my ability to feel empathy, I figured that maybe pills werent the answer so I came off of them and thats when the real hell started. when I was 15, I had 3 anxiety attacks EVERY day, SEVERE derealization, massive mood swings, seemingly endless and torturing depression, and a feeling of worthlessness that tortured me. After months of dealing with this I also developed a fear of drugs after having laced weed, and then developed my fear of eating because I thought people were putting hard drugs in my food to try and kill me. I stopped eating all together for 2 months. I endsed up losing 20 pounds, making my cirlcle of friends and my family depressed and worried, and causing myself more uneeded stress. This is not where it ended though. Around last July, when I was in summerschool I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to school in the morning and feared I was going to die, this made me afraid of going outside, and spawned a stint of agoraphobia that haunted me all summer long. I basically spent my summer inside grieving my life and wanting to die, what a way to live eh. To this day I deal with these things, although a little less severe, I now eat and go outside but I'm a part time bullimic ( which I have been for the past 2 years). I wake up every day wondering when I will finally die, as I see no end to this despair.