Hello Everyone!

[Picasso99]

Hello Everybody

I'm so glad to have found this forum and wonder if I may ask some advice? (apologies if this is long!)

Having achieved straight A's at school and always being seen as the brainy one (she'll be fine in life others thought), I then obtained a degree in Fine Art at University, then had a time as an Artist, in the recession and naivly got lead along by an 'Agent' who didn't help me one bit (but was an experience)...I struggled to make money (and in hindsight lacked the business and marketing knowledge) which meant I had to take other work. I retrained as a Legal PA (recession proof and stable), which looking back I am glad I did, I was very good at the job and highly praised and I learnt a lot about business and earning a proper living. Although nothing to do with my degree. The art world in the UK is low paid and tricky to get into, and only those with a huge trust fund can afford to swan about living the hedonistic lifestyle.

After 3 years at the law firm, with no real progression, I got bored and sought other work experience placements using my annual leave, tried Art teacher, Art therapist then finally Interior Designer. With the former being unavailable as I already have 1 student loan and hate what the British education system has become. I was offered a job with the Interior Designer straight away and I took it on a freelance basis for 3 days a week. My Dad being an Architectural Designer offered me the remaining 2 days to top up my wage, with a view to helping me in the short term. However I am now a year on, really struggling for money and told I will not get a payrise for a few years given the nature of the business and my experience. Not to mention I have to stay with my parents 2 nights a week for a 2 hour commute to London for the freelance job as it's not on my train line, which is exhausting. I spend my days working with the richest 1% of the population, whilst I struggle to put food on the table.

I'm nearly 29, not able to save, have a social life or contribute to a pension and feel I am driving myself crazy with stress and worry. I'm not even sure the job is right for me anymore - there are things becoming evident that I wouldn't be comfortable doing as a job - nor can I afford to take the risk at even not necessarily getting any work after the 5 or 6 years experience. Not to mention the huge competition from others with vastly more experience.

In amongst all this, I met my now boyfriend of 3.5 yrs at the law firm, who sadly lost his Father one month into our relationship (so it has been challenging, us trying to get to know one another but also comforting him for his loss and dealing with the ups and downs of such a event). He has just this month qualified, so has been a really testing time for him too emotionally and career wise, but now seems to be stabling back to a "normal life". He is however a realist and helped me see, at times harsh realities of life.

Somewhere in between all this looking forward, I would like a family and believe it or not a social life!! I used to be a highly sociable bubbly girl with a variety of friends - happy go lucky if you will. I now feel depressed, anxious, isolated and like a failure to my family, friends and poor boyfriend who has to put up with me (who I don't get to see that much due to all the travelling). I feel given my achievements at school people just assume I'll be ok, when in fact I have not been taught what happens in real life - only facts from a textbook to get me a grade.

I feel stuck now as I'm not sure I can take the risk to continue in the uncertain line of work (although it allows me to be creative - is that just hedonistic though?), but equally what if I feel dissatisfied with my next job. I want a career and to be somebody, not just job hopping forever. (But is this too much pressure on myself, caring to much about what others will label me as?)

I know I'm a perfectionist and have very high expectations of myself, which I also know is not always good. I am a firm believer in not beating yourself up in terms of having regrets - the decisions I have made at all the points in my life I thought at the time were the right ones, so I can't now regret not studying Interior Design as my degree for example.

Anyone have any thoughts on how I could move forward?

Thanks so much :)

[MiST]

Greetz and welcome..

[squid]

Hello,

Wow, it seems like you are going through an incredibly tough time right now, and have been for some years. I can imagine how difficult it is to help wealthy people design their homes, while you're struggling to even put food on the table. Your desire to have a fulfilling job that pays well and a social life is completely understandable. I am glad you have the mindset that you don't want to regret anything in your life, even if things did not turn out as you might have wanted. I think that is an excellent place from which to move forward, as you won't be harboring bitterness or regret to the decisions you have already made. Switching jobs, especially when you are struggling with finances, can be so terrifying. However, you are feeling depressed, anxious, and isolated from your friends and family, and part of the negativity might come from being unhappy with your job, so it may be worth looking into finding a different career path. You say you want a career and you want to be somebody, and ask if this is too much pressure on yourself or caring too much about how others label you. I want to say that yes, you can identify with your career, and say your primary identity is being an interior designer or whatever other profession you might have. But there are other ways you can primarily identify yourself. For example, you can identify as an artist, no matter what your profession is, or as a creative person, etc. I primarily identify as being a lover, because it is my mission to love other people as well as I can, but that doesn't necessarily relate to my job. I think that just sitting down and meditating on what you want, what might fulfill you, and what you already have in your life that fulfills you is a good start. Then you can evaluate steps to take in terms of careers and social life. I truly hope that things begin to fall into place for you, and that you are able to find some peace. I think having high expectations of yourself is an admirable quality, and it will help you in whatever you decide to do.

Take care,

Savannah

[Picasso99]

Hello,

Wow, it seems like you are going through an incredibly tough time right now, and have been for some years. I can imagine how difficult it is to help wealthy people design their homes, while you're struggling to even put food on the table. Your desire to have a fulfilling job that pays well and a social life is completely understandable. I am glad you have the mindset that you don't want to regret anything in your life, even if things did not turn out as you might have wanted. I think that is an excellent place from which to move forward, as you won't be harboring bitterness or regret to the decisions you have already made. Switching jobs, especially when you are struggling with finances, can be so terrifying. However, you are feeling depressed, anxious, and isolated from your friends and family, and part of the negativity might come from being unhappy with your job, so it may be worth looking into finding a different career path. You say you want a career and you want to be somebody, and ask if this is too much pressure on yourself or caring too much about how others label you. I want to say that yes, you can identify with your career, and say your primary identity is being an interior designer or whatever other profession you might have. But there are other ways you can primarily identify yourself. For example, you can identify as an artist, no matter what your profession is, or as a creative person, etc. I primarily identify as being a lover, because it is my mission to love other people as well as I can, but that doesn't necessarily relate to my job. I think that just sitting down and meditating on what you want, what might fulfill you, and what you already have in your life that fulfills you is a good start. Then you can evaluate steps to take in terms of careers and social life. I truly hope that things begin to fall into place for you, and that you are able to find some peace. I think having high expectations of yourself is an admirable quality, and it will help you in whatever you decide to do.

Take care,

Savannah

Thanks so much Savannah, for your kind and encouraging words. I know it will take time and on the plus side I'm experiencing things that will hopefully just make me stronger.
Best wishes
Picasso99