mariner
08-20-2015, 10:39 AM
Hello. I'd like to start by saying I haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. But, I know something is wrong, I suspect an anxiety disorder...and I'm just hoping to find some support.
My problems really started after graduating from college last December. I started feeling a bit depressed without a job or school to look forward to. I then got a part time job in fast food, it was to save up for a move to California to find work there. I had frequent panic attacks there. It made working very difficult for me. I didn't really understand what was happening to me, so I talked to my fiance about it. He was able to recognize that I was having panic attacks from what I described to him because he dealt with panic disorder in the past.
Eventually we made it out to California, but I wasn't any better there. The stress of the move made me very depressed, and I worried constantly. We decided to leave California and move back, we had interviews lined up back home so it seemed a good idea. Unfortunately...they fell through, and work has proved difficult to come by, even part time work.
What has made it even more difficult for me though, is I feel constantly torn between depression and anxiety now. I'm depressed about the state of things, but my worrying also gets in the way of making changes. I worry about filling out job applications, I worry about getting an interview, not getting an interview, about making calls for jobs, not making them. I worry about any and all outcomes, for just about everything. The result tends to be I avoid things altogether. I don't leave the house much anymore. My worrying extends beyond just work related things, and bills (bills are a huge source of worry for me, I think about them almost constantly), it's also things that seem strange, but I can't get them out of my mind. For instance, I worry about my teeth rotting and getting breast cancer. These seem like very real possibilities to me.
I don't have panic attacks as much lately, but they're triggered by unexpected things that justify my worries to me. For instance if something goes wrong with my car, that would trigger one. To me that says that terrible things are going to happen, and I'm right to worry about them happening.
I feel so hopeless right now, so trapped. I just can't seem to shake this toxic thinking, I worry that the depression and worrying will sabotage me, that it will keep me from moving forward in life.
I hope maybe talking about it here will help...
My problems really started after graduating from college last December. I started feeling a bit depressed without a job or school to look forward to. I then got a part time job in fast food, it was to save up for a move to California to find work there. I had frequent panic attacks there. It made working very difficult for me. I didn't really understand what was happening to me, so I talked to my fiance about it. He was able to recognize that I was having panic attacks from what I described to him because he dealt with panic disorder in the past.
Eventually we made it out to California, but I wasn't any better there. The stress of the move made me very depressed, and I worried constantly. We decided to leave California and move back, we had interviews lined up back home so it seemed a good idea. Unfortunately...they fell through, and work has proved difficult to come by, even part time work.
What has made it even more difficult for me though, is I feel constantly torn between depression and anxiety now. I'm depressed about the state of things, but my worrying also gets in the way of making changes. I worry about filling out job applications, I worry about getting an interview, not getting an interview, about making calls for jobs, not making them. I worry about any and all outcomes, for just about everything. The result tends to be I avoid things altogether. I don't leave the house much anymore. My worrying extends beyond just work related things, and bills (bills are a huge source of worry for me, I think about them almost constantly), it's also things that seem strange, but I can't get them out of my mind. For instance, I worry about my teeth rotting and getting breast cancer. These seem like very real possibilities to me.
I don't have panic attacks as much lately, but they're triggered by unexpected things that justify my worries to me. For instance if something goes wrong with my car, that would trigger one. To me that says that terrible things are going to happen, and I'm right to worry about them happening.
I feel so hopeless right now, so trapped. I just can't seem to shake this toxic thinking, I worry that the depression and worrying will sabotage me, that it will keep me from moving forward in life.
I hope maybe talking about it here will help...