cameron.p
08-10-2015, 09:53 AM
I've had a very rough upbringing from abusive parents, but up until a few years ago I thought that was a normal life to live. Now as an adult (23 years old) I am thrown into a world that I was never prepared to live in. This has caused me a great amount of stress, and some very severe depression.
Ive had this depression ever since I was a child, but as I have said I always thought that was a normal part of life and have managed it very well up until 3 weeks ago when I had my first panic attack. Ever since that panic attack, ive had a constant stream of attacks everyday. not full blown like my first one, but I feel the symptoms constantly (racing heart, choking, detatched from reality).
I am seeing a therapist, and she has said that my anxiety and depression has turned into a panic disorder. She thinks it has been caused by how much death has happened around me. in the last 6 months, 2 good friends of mine have died from cancer, and my grandmother has died from cancer. my girlfriend cheated on me during this time as well, and 2 weeks ago my co-worker died.
Due to Kaisers fucking awful service in my situation, I can only see my therapist once every 6 weeks. She scheduled an appointment for a psychologist to get me on medication, but my appointment for that is in another month. I feel like i wont be able to make it that long.
I been looking up everything I can about anxiety disorders, and what I feel does feel like an anxiety disorder, but I dont know why suddenly after my panic attacks I feel like I am completely losing control of my mind. I dont get flashbacks or hallicinations or anything like that, but i feel like my mind just wants to destroy my world. All i ever think about is dying, but I don't want to. i want to be alive, and I want to live as long as I can, but all i think about is death. I think about my own death a lot. I don't know if this is suicidal thoughts, but they are terrifying. I am trying to continue my life as best as I can, but living with these thoughts feels like torture. I cant escape them, there is no where i can go to get rid of them. I keep trying to live in the present but they keep flooding in.
I am starting to feel like I need to put myself in a hospital, but i have responsibilities at work and no money to pay for such a thing. I am feeling very trapped in my own body. I dont know what to do or if this is normal for anxiety disorders. I never felt these feelings to this extreme prior to my panic attack 3 weeks ago, but ever since its been a living hell. does this pass? is this normal? or do i really need to get myself to a hospital? this is fucking scary
Ive had this depression ever since I was a child, but as I have said I always thought that was a normal part of life and have managed it very well up until 3 weeks ago when I had my first panic attack. Ever since that panic attack, ive had a constant stream of attacks everyday. not full blown like my first one, but I feel the symptoms constantly (racing heart, choking, detatched from reality).
I am seeing a therapist, and she has said that my anxiety and depression has turned into a panic disorder. She thinks it has been caused by how much death has happened around me. in the last 6 months, 2 good friends of mine have died from cancer, and my grandmother has died from cancer. my girlfriend cheated on me during this time as well, and 2 weeks ago my co-worker died.
Due to Kaisers fucking awful service in my situation, I can only see my therapist once every 6 weeks. She scheduled an appointment for a psychologist to get me on medication, but my appointment for that is in another month. I feel like i wont be able to make it that long.
I been looking up everything I can about anxiety disorders, and what I feel does feel like an anxiety disorder, but I dont know why suddenly after my panic attacks I feel like I am completely losing control of my mind. I dont get flashbacks or hallicinations or anything like that, but i feel like my mind just wants to destroy my world. All i ever think about is dying, but I don't want to. i want to be alive, and I want to live as long as I can, but all i think about is death. I think about my own death a lot. I don't know if this is suicidal thoughts, but they are terrifying. I am trying to continue my life as best as I can, but living with these thoughts feels like torture. I cant escape them, there is no where i can go to get rid of them. I keep trying to live in the present but they keep flooding in.
I am starting to feel like I need to put myself in a hospital, but i have responsibilities at work and no money to pay for such a thing. I am feeling very trapped in my own body. I dont know what to do or if this is normal for anxiety disorders. I never felt these feelings to this extreme prior to my panic attack 3 weeks ago, but ever since its been a living hell. does this pass? is this normal? or do i really need to get myself to a hospital? this is fucking scary