Katharsis
08-09-2015, 01:33 PM
Hi, I am new here. I've been lurking on this site for a long time and I'm finally posting something, mostly because I am completely on edge and have no one to confide in.
I have severe health anxiety over getting a concussion. I suffered a mild concussion 8 months ago that, due to various factors, left quite long-lasting consequences. Headaches, brain fog, etc... Symptoms I am sure you are familiar with. I still don't think I recovered but I sometimes think that I maybe would have recovered a long time ago if it wasn't for my terrible anxiety. I don't know anymore if my symptoms are due to my concussion or anxiety.
The most disruptive thing to me though is that I live in constant fear of getting another concussion. I know that you are much more likely to get another concussion after you already had one. THAT disturbs me the most. I cannot explain to you all the precautions I take in order to avoid hitting my head again and yet I do. CONSTANTLY. Granted they are small, insignificant bumps that normal people would not think twice of, but they are there and they happen all the time and each time they send me into panic mode and make the horrific circle I am in, worse. For example 6 days ago I was laying in bed on my side and I somehow put my arm on my head but quickly and roughly and it felt like an impact and so I went into panic mode. That relapsed all my terrible symptoms, vertigo, terrible headache, etc.Said ok I have vacations I'm gonna rest in case I do have a concussion (crazy). So I was a plant until now (and it made me even more depressed) until today I was playing with my huge and heavy pillow and it lightly fell on my head. Very light impact if you could call it that. Naturally it didn't hurt eventhough it is a very firm pillow. BUT HERE I AM AGAIN. I need someone rational to tell me I am being irrational, I know that seeking reassurance is wrong but I can't help myself. I am in hell. I can feel the symptoms creeping back. Im on Escitalopram for 2 months, it helped for a while but now my anxiety is back. What am I supposed to do now? Playing a vegetable for another week eventhough it makes me even more depressed for fear of having another concussion? I lost count to how many theoretical concussions I've had in the last months.
I start with med school in 2 months (I am a 19 year old girl). How the hell am I going to study medicine with a damaged brain I wonder. My brain was the only thing about me that I liked, that I relied on. I took much pride in it. I graduated in the top 1% of my country. Always top of the class. Now I am a mess.
Idk what exactly the point of my post is. I guess I'm just finally trying to reach out. I have no one to talk to. My own mom is sick of me. So now I'm just sitting here bawling my bloody eyes out. Don't know how much longer I can last
I have severe health anxiety over getting a concussion. I suffered a mild concussion 8 months ago that, due to various factors, left quite long-lasting consequences. Headaches, brain fog, etc... Symptoms I am sure you are familiar with. I still don't think I recovered but I sometimes think that I maybe would have recovered a long time ago if it wasn't for my terrible anxiety. I don't know anymore if my symptoms are due to my concussion or anxiety.
The most disruptive thing to me though is that I live in constant fear of getting another concussion. I know that you are much more likely to get another concussion after you already had one. THAT disturbs me the most. I cannot explain to you all the precautions I take in order to avoid hitting my head again and yet I do. CONSTANTLY. Granted they are small, insignificant bumps that normal people would not think twice of, but they are there and they happen all the time and each time they send me into panic mode and make the horrific circle I am in, worse. For example 6 days ago I was laying in bed on my side and I somehow put my arm on my head but quickly and roughly and it felt like an impact and so I went into panic mode. That relapsed all my terrible symptoms, vertigo, terrible headache, etc.Said ok I have vacations I'm gonna rest in case I do have a concussion (crazy). So I was a plant until now (and it made me even more depressed) until today I was playing with my huge and heavy pillow and it lightly fell on my head. Very light impact if you could call it that. Naturally it didn't hurt eventhough it is a very firm pillow. BUT HERE I AM AGAIN. I need someone rational to tell me I am being irrational, I know that seeking reassurance is wrong but I can't help myself. I am in hell. I can feel the symptoms creeping back. Im on Escitalopram for 2 months, it helped for a while but now my anxiety is back. What am I supposed to do now? Playing a vegetable for another week eventhough it makes me even more depressed for fear of having another concussion? I lost count to how many theoretical concussions I've had in the last months.
I start with med school in 2 months (I am a 19 year old girl). How the hell am I going to study medicine with a damaged brain I wonder. My brain was the only thing about me that I liked, that I relied on. I took much pride in it. I graduated in the top 1% of my country. Always top of the class. Now I am a mess.
Idk what exactly the point of my post is. I guess I'm just finally trying to reach out. I have no one to talk to. My own mom is sick of me. So now I'm just sitting here bawling my bloody eyes out. Don't know how much longer I can last