cj165
07-25-2015, 10:27 PM
Have in the past suffered from major anxiety about death and would constantly convince myself that I was going to die from some horrible terrible disease or problem. So much so, that I would literally believe that I had a brain tumor or cancer.
Well after months of therapy and basically just distraction I suppose, I've gotten better.
All my life I have been straight. I love boys, literally love them.
Well the other day I was sitting with friends and the thought came into my head, "what if I kissed her?" But immediately I said to myself "why in the WORLD would I ever think that?" And ever since then I cannot get the thought out of my head.
I have become so anxious that I'm starting to believe that I am most definitely gay and that there's no way I'm not. I can even picture myself kissing members of the same sex even though I don't want to at all. Every time I think "I am gay" the proceeding thought is "oh no oh no oh no".
I will work myself up so much over this, that I have come to the conclusion that I must be in denial about my sexual orientation because I can't stop thinking about how I must be gay.
The thing is, I really don't want to be. But whenever I think about it I say to myself that I am. And like my brain doesn't allow myself to think the right way anymore.
I can't even look at a male without thinking "am I attracted to them?" Now.
When I used to look at men and practically drool.
Is this Hocd or am I gay? I am so scared.
Well after months of therapy and basically just distraction I suppose, I've gotten better.
All my life I have been straight. I love boys, literally love them.
Well the other day I was sitting with friends and the thought came into my head, "what if I kissed her?" But immediately I said to myself "why in the WORLD would I ever think that?" And ever since then I cannot get the thought out of my head.
I have become so anxious that I'm starting to believe that I am most definitely gay and that there's no way I'm not. I can even picture myself kissing members of the same sex even though I don't want to at all. Every time I think "I am gay" the proceeding thought is "oh no oh no oh no".
I will work myself up so much over this, that I have come to the conclusion that I must be in denial about my sexual orientation because I can't stop thinking about how I must be gay.
The thing is, I really don't want to be. But whenever I think about it I say to myself that I am. And like my brain doesn't allow myself to think the right way anymore.
I can't even look at a male without thinking "am I attracted to them?" Now.
When I used to look at men and practically drool.
Is this Hocd or am I gay? I am so scared.