Christheanxiousone
07-21-2015, 02:18 AM
Hey guys, was wondering if anyone out there had an anxiety cycle like my own. A little background on myself: I'm normally an anxious person but it is usually on the back-burner so to speak. I can control it, I can live with it, I can cope with it. I find enjoyment in things, I live life, I have my good & bad days, BUT, I'm living. However I have "episodes" where the anxiety really pokes it's ugly little head up and takes over. These "episodes" come on for no reason and usually last a month or two, coming in waves, but always constant. Anyway, here is the cycle I am starting to notice, if anyone at ALL can relate, please leave a comment bellow, or if you just have some helpful advice, encouraging words, or knowledge to share, feel free.
-The "episode" comes on randomly
-I freak out, like my world has changed, like I've entered a new life that revolves around my anxiety, it starts to consume me.
-It becomes all I can think about, 24/7. I fear that I will go crazy because of it, I fear panic.
-The physical symptoms of anxiety start to set in. I become constantly shaky, my legs are like jello, I feel detached.
-I start losing sleep because of it, I stop eating almost completely, joy is gone, hopelessness sets in, I begin spending my days Googling like a mad man.
-It consumes me to the point where it's all I can think about, I feel like I'm on the verge of a break down from the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep.
-The "seriousness" of it dies down, but only a little. Acceptance starts to kick in.
-I start seeing some days/moments of improvement and hope.
-I notice the fear of panic and going crazy starts to somewhat subside, the psychical symptoms die down, I start eating and sleeping a little better.
-My triggers and fears still linger over me like a cloud at this point, they're still there, but psychical symptoms are close to gone.
-Slight depression kicks in from the battle, it brings with it some anxiety, like a mix of the two. I now feel it lingering 24/7.
-I now worry over things that I never would have before, I now live in the future, no longer being able to take it "day by day"
-Improvement comes, then quickly leaves, hope comes, then leaves, I am being pulled back and forth.
-Now my days go from improving, back to the anxiety, back to the strong depression. I spend my days now worrying over everything.
-I start seeing a little hope and feeling it in the pit of my stomach, my triggers now come in waves, as does my anxious worries.
-Slowly, I start feeling normal, but not because I did anything in-particular, it just, happens. Even though it is still lingering, it comes in waves now.
-Out of no where, for no reason, as quickly as it came on, it leaves, and I'm back to life again, with no fancy bells or whistles, even though it felt so hopeless.
My first "episode" was a few years back, it was awful, but I survived it. It was slightly different from this one in ways. It was centered mostly around derealization/depersonalization, where as this "episode" seems to be centered around worry.
Currently, I am in that worry/depression stage, that is coming in waves. Can anyone relate AT ALL to my cycle? This is based off of years of experience with anxiety and my understanding of my cycles. I have them like every other year it seems, for roughly two months, and I always think it will never end, but it always does, but it feels so real during, it's truly a fight for survival. How in the hell does all my fears and worries that seem SO real, just disappear, how does my brain literally just get rid of this? I'm not complaining, but it's confusing. ANYWAY, can anyone relate? Please, I would love some comments.... thank you!
A little side-note. I am agoraphobic, although now I can travel mostly "freely" around my town and that general area. I was, at a certain point, agoraphobic to the point that I didn't leave my grandma's house for nearly 2 years... but yet, even though that was the case, I wasn't depressed! That proves to me that I am normally not a depressed person, that also proves that this "episode" is the reason I am, which gives me hope! It's just all so random, considering I am normally an okay person that can cope pretty well. I saw somewhere that these "episodes" can come on from being generally anxious and it kinda just building up and up and up until you explode into an "episode" then you gotta fight through it, although I swear each time I trick myself into thinking "this episode is different" it is surely the one you won't be able to handle, ya know, the basic anxious thoughts.
-The "episode" comes on randomly
-I freak out, like my world has changed, like I've entered a new life that revolves around my anxiety, it starts to consume me.
-It becomes all I can think about, 24/7. I fear that I will go crazy because of it, I fear panic.
-The physical symptoms of anxiety start to set in. I become constantly shaky, my legs are like jello, I feel detached.
-I start losing sleep because of it, I stop eating almost completely, joy is gone, hopelessness sets in, I begin spending my days Googling like a mad man.
-It consumes me to the point where it's all I can think about, I feel like I'm on the verge of a break down from the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep.
-The "seriousness" of it dies down, but only a little. Acceptance starts to kick in.
-I start seeing some days/moments of improvement and hope.
-I notice the fear of panic and going crazy starts to somewhat subside, the psychical symptoms die down, I start eating and sleeping a little better.
-My triggers and fears still linger over me like a cloud at this point, they're still there, but psychical symptoms are close to gone.
-Slight depression kicks in from the battle, it brings with it some anxiety, like a mix of the two. I now feel it lingering 24/7.
-I now worry over things that I never would have before, I now live in the future, no longer being able to take it "day by day"
-Improvement comes, then quickly leaves, hope comes, then leaves, I am being pulled back and forth.
-Now my days go from improving, back to the anxiety, back to the strong depression. I spend my days now worrying over everything.
-I start seeing a little hope and feeling it in the pit of my stomach, my triggers now come in waves, as does my anxious worries.
-Slowly, I start feeling normal, but not because I did anything in-particular, it just, happens. Even though it is still lingering, it comes in waves now.
-Out of no where, for no reason, as quickly as it came on, it leaves, and I'm back to life again, with no fancy bells or whistles, even though it felt so hopeless.
My first "episode" was a few years back, it was awful, but I survived it. It was slightly different from this one in ways. It was centered mostly around derealization/depersonalization, where as this "episode" seems to be centered around worry.
Currently, I am in that worry/depression stage, that is coming in waves. Can anyone relate AT ALL to my cycle? This is based off of years of experience with anxiety and my understanding of my cycles. I have them like every other year it seems, for roughly two months, and I always think it will never end, but it always does, but it feels so real during, it's truly a fight for survival. How in the hell does all my fears and worries that seem SO real, just disappear, how does my brain literally just get rid of this? I'm not complaining, but it's confusing. ANYWAY, can anyone relate? Please, I would love some comments.... thank you!
A little side-note. I am agoraphobic, although now I can travel mostly "freely" around my town and that general area. I was, at a certain point, agoraphobic to the point that I didn't leave my grandma's house for nearly 2 years... but yet, even though that was the case, I wasn't depressed! That proves to me that I am normally not a depressed person, that also proves that this "episode" is the reason I am, which gives me hope! It's just all so random, considering I am normally an okay person that can cope pretty well. I saw somewhere that these "episodes" can come on from being generally anxious and it kinda just building up and up and up until you explode into an "episode" then you gotta fight through it, although I swear each time I trick myself into thinking "this episode is different" it is surely the one you won't be able to handle, ya know, the basic anxious thoughts.