Struggling with anxiety

[Desperate Dan]

Hey guys,

Well I've suffered with anxiety for about 5-6 years now which started out as panic attacks. I've got to the point where I can normally stop myself just before I'm about to have a panic attack. Although I suffer with depression sometimes I've made really good progress with anxiety over the last year until the last week or so where I have been in a bad way.

Basically I read a small quote somewhere about there being nothing after we die and I have a really active and ocd type mind so now I have become obsessed and upset at the thought that there is nothing after to the point where I'm terrified of dying and thinking I'm going to die soon. It kind of makes me think what is the point in life then? I don't mean that in a suicidal way. I would say I'm averagely healthy, I walk 20-30 miles a week at work, I'm slightly overweight but not lots. I very rarely drink and I gave up smoking at 22 (i'm now 31) but my diet is not great.

I was hoping to get some advice on how to start working on getting these thoughts out of my system because I can barely function at all and I nearly passed out at work and on the verge of tears all the time which is not like me at all. It just feels really intense and like this fear is never going to go away. Please tell me that it is. Thanks for reading.

[Im-Suffering]

I want you to picture many thoughts floating above you through the clouds, perhaps in bubbles like a comic book (you are standing in your favorite spot, maybe a meadow or beach). There may be some that say "eat better foods !", or "time to watch tv", or "i wonder where I will go on vacation? or "what I will do at work today". - Right in the middle of this highway of trafficky thoughts there is (in a bubble too) "After I die my consciousness is obliterated". Now, all of these thoughts are just moving along at a normal pace through beautiful clouds. you are relaxed and peaceful, and warm from the suns rays, calming and quiet. Keep noticing the thought bubbles as they pass overhead, appearing on the left and disappearing on the right -

You are independent and separate from these thought-cloud-bubbles (standing or sitting on the ground looking up), as much as the other cars are to you as you drive on the highway or roads.

Now, notice how the thoughts that you fear are attracted to you, they swoop down from the sky, pass through your body, and make their way off into the distance. You begin to understand that clouds respond to your emotions - whether happiness, sadness, jealousy, guilt, joy, fear ! When you focus on one of them, that's when it passes through you, feel yourself absorb it as it takes that nose dive through your body.

You also notice if you are neutral to a thought it just passes through the clouds and makes its way off into the distance, you are unaffected by it, and maybe you don't even notice it. Some similar thoughts group together you see, like all the ones about food or health, so you begin to understand that thoughts have an attraction not only to you, but to each other, building into a bigger bubble.

Like magic, you realize that you attract the thoughts you energize through intense focus, they pass through your body. Also noticing the ones that you give no energy or focus (emotion) to at all, they simply pass by, leaving you with no feeling or neutral to them. Perhaps your neighbor attracts some thoughts that you don't, as you notice also your not the only one on the beach or in the meadow. "Thoughts are shared" you think to yourself. "Just because thoughts are 'out there' doesn't mean I have to make them mine ! I can let someone else have them!"

"It is fear that is attracting these thoughts" you think, and so by practicing watching your thoughts from this 3rd person perspective, you understand you can control them, in a fun and playful way, like a childrens game.

When you are finished with this exercise for 15 minutes a day (for a month), keeping the thoughts you want, and releasing the ones you don't or letting them float by, you will gain insight into your own inner processes, and even laugh a little about them.

But most importantly, you will realize your consciousness is independent from your brain and body, and that energy you take with you, or it takes you, way past physical death. And that after a while if you follow the thought that bothers you, the unwanted ones, by asking questions "why am I thinking this?" the thought will naturally lead you to the reason you have them, the belief behind the fear.

So theres actually 2 individual exercises here, dis-attachment from the thoughts themselves, and on a deeper level finding the inner (childhood) belief behind them.

Have fun ! Practice makes perfect Dan !

[Desperate Dan]

Thank you. I think this will be good for me. I will give it a go.

[Im-Suffering]

yep. there is nothing wrong with doing a little 'work' to feel better. often people wont do what 'it takes' to improve their situation, because then they have to admit to themselves (face it) there 'is' a problem. so the healing work, exercises, life style changes get pushed aside or swept under the bed. or maybe they feel their issue is 'insignificant' for the effort to be made, or that they lack their own inherent power to deal with it, so solely take medicine or whatever, a 'pill' and hopes that'll do it.

This exercise, will teach you, or anyone reading this, that you are not your thoughts, you simply have them. The power or intensity of them is equal to your attraction or focus on them. turn the focus toward something else, and the thought drifts away of its own accord. one can learn to change their thoughts as they do a tv channel, if they wish to watch something else.

Another exercise is to practice changing channels to something fun and interesting, in the imagination when a thought is bothering you, but see it through, watch the new channel for 10 minutes, become involved, focus upon, whatever they are doing, maybe a sitcom, or a commercial, pay attention to every detail. and in a matter of minutes you will have forgotten even what you were so worried about, on the other channel.

I am not suggesting to ignore the unwanted thoughts, but to settle down a bit and realize your own personal power over your life. if you are having scary thoughts, they are meant to mean something, possibly related to childhood abuse, or some traumatic, shock from an event (usually pushed to the back of the psyche due to the overwhelming pain or confusion), and so that must be healed too. (the memories and associated pain of the event). calming techniques can bring someone to clarity, clear thinking, settle the nerves, helping to understand and release any events of the past.

Good for you !

[tooscaredtodrive88]

Hi Desperate Dan and IS

I feel really kindred to your post, especially your ruminations about the afterlife (or, in this particular case the "after-nothing").

This type of thought spike usually

-heightens my fear of death
-which reduces my quality of life for the duration of the thought cycle -- anywhere from 2 days to a month or more)
-the inability to suppress (rather than accepting them and letting the feelings go) escalates my stats for having a panic-attack

By the time it gets to that point, I'm upset with myself. When I reconcile that part of my problem is not living-up to my own expectations, I pick "a new thing" to invest in, that with certainty, immensely improves the quality of my life in the present. The key for me has been to work around my limitations and get them to work in my favor.

This same exact cycle has happened to me twice this year, both on the brink of the panic-stage. Every time this happens, I make a list of 3-5 things that I'm disappointed in myself about in the grand scheme of my life, for instance:

-Regrets over not being well-traveled
-Not being able to read sheet-music even though I can play by ear
-Not knowing enough about my ancestry ect.

I have to act fast before the full-blown panic sets in, even if it means feigning interest in a distraction til it becomes an actual hobby.

I now have an elementary proficiency of 3 new languages; a sense of belonging to my past and who my ancestors were; and have had a breakthrough with my understanding of music-theory. All three of these things are deeply related to ideas of the past. I'm Suffering has suggested some great tools for "releasing" the thoughts you don't want, as well as citing the impact of childhood experiences on our thoughts. For me learning about other cultures and history make it easier for me to confront my own past and short-comings.

Whenever I accomplish something new it really grounds my appreciation for the present-moment and makes me feel good about myself. It also distracts me from my physical ailments.

And you've quit smoking! That is huge dude. What are your hobbies and passions?

I've been dealing with a spike all this week after a transformer blew down the street and lost everything on my computer, lol.

Gotta change the channel! Great advice and vibes, I'm Suffering!

[Desperate Dan]

Yeah Thanks tooscared to drive, It's really interesting to read what you wrote. From what you've said I think suffer in exactly the same way as you do. I've got a really active mind so keeping myself occupied is vital to my mental well-being. I can't believe what happened to your computer, that would drive me crazy too! lol

It sounds like you have done really well and made good progress dealing with things. I'm kind of into a lot of things. Always looking to learn something new. The problem is sometimes I overload myself trying too much at once. I'm a naturally practical hands on type of guy but I also artistic things like music & Languages. I have a guitar & a bass which I'm trying to learn currently but my biggest hobby is gaming, Mostly on xbox.

My main goals for this year are to finish learning to drive & to take better care of myself physically and diet wise.

[tooscaredtodrive88]

Hi again, nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your interests -- I don't have a bass currently, but rad about the guitar and bass! I don't have access to a bass, but the percussive/drone element of strumming is such a great repellent for my panic.

I feel ya on the overload, too. One thing I forgot to mention, too. The "accidental" discovery of thought inducing quotes in the first place. Ugh! It would be so nice to just passively read things without triggering our already over-active imaginations! At the same time, that kind of meta-awareness is what exhausts me about driving. How people can "drift" off into thought or go into "auto-pilot" mode behind the wheel is beyond me!

The closest to "auto-pilot" for me is when I playing music, or, like you said, playing a game!

Your main goals are two things I need to be more committed to as well. Physical exercise is so good for stress, but I am having trouble making it a routine.

I didn't know you were learning to drive at first, so it's really awesome to stumble on that, since you seem to be at a further stage than me. I'd love to hear about your strategies; what is helping you with your confidence? I would like to get a special teacher, but so far it costs way to much.

Thanks for the reply!

[tooscaredtodrive88]

Oh, another thing (I'm rambling here a little, but I just got back from a jog {finally} and had a few more thoughts about panic at work, specifically)

First and foremost, the "is this all there is" problem:

We have a lot of interests. A wonderful problem to have, but not when your daily-grind is met with panic and worry. Obviously when this happens there's not much buffer-time to center yourself each day when you're going through it. Not being able to wind down at a steady rate, in my experience, is what causes the "will this go away" problem.

As someone with a lot of interests, talents, and hobbies that quote has every reason to freak you out. It's like, we only have so much we can do in a day, but even with good time-management, we're not meeting the expectations of our idealized self. And you can't fix it fast enough. That's how I felt in a similar work-situation. The "overwhelmed" feelings come on for me when I'm not getting the most out of life at a manageable pace. For me, that's not sustainable! Stuck without a fast-enough solution. I think for people with many passions and creative souls, the loss of self in a routine job feels much greater than others. Another poster, Frederick talks about that idea of loss feeling more visceral than any gains for our accomplishments. And because we're "thinkers" and "learners" stumbling upon existential quotes forces us to think about what we're not doing enough or what we need to change. Now.

We often hear about success stories like "How I switched careers and made it big" or "how I turned my passion into my day-job". Where to start?
And then there is the head-space you need outside of work-stress to focus on driving and health. For me, everything is a matter of head-space. When that gets depleted, I feel like a total failure, lol.

I felt so indebted to my first job out of college, even though my gut was telling me there was something shady about the work-culture. Years later I come to find that I was right. Spent so much energy feeling like it was the end of the world.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I can especially relate to the panic feelings/crying after work, even though its not really part of your persona.

Also, as people who've come SOOOO FARRR and have so much ENERGY into improving our lives, we feel that loss even more when our panic gets this bad! Whew : )

Thanks to your post, I planned in some "mini" workouts into my day. I try to tell myself, if I have enough energy to feel fear and be frustrated -- I have enough energy to jog for 3 minutes. I'm in pretty decent shape, but I NEED to workout for my circulation and so I'm more tuckered out at night. My limitation is that I get inpatient, bored and edgy working-out for more than 5 minutes at a time. So that's my solution. I also tried those thought exercises working out too, and that helped as well.

Anyway, it will get better Dan, even if it feels like it won't! Thanks for the inspiration!

[Desperate Dan]

Hi again, I'm sorry for the late reply, I've had a really busy last 3-4 days at work and other stuff and only just really sat down lol I'm so glad I decided to join this forum and I really enjoyed reading your insight into things because what you have been writing is like it's exactly the same as what I go through, which kind of makes me feel much more positive.

It's great you managed to fit some workouts into your day, I think that they will be really beneficial for both of us. It's interesting that you mentioned about making yourself tired enough to sleep because I don't sleep well ever unless I'm really tired. I played tennis for 2-3 hours on Saturday and I thought I was going to be suffering the next day but I actually felt like I had more energy and I felt more mentally calm & stable as well. So the key thing now is to to make it into a routine.

I totally agree as well with the 'thinkers' part. I try to see the positive side of being this way as I've already thought of a hundred outcomes to one situation so I'm sometimes one step ahead and well prepared for whatever happens when compared to other people but at the same time it can be seriously exhausting and taxing.

It was interesting to me what you said about head space and being stuck without a fast solution. It's like we've got so much going on in our heads that fitting in another routine just seems crazy. I don't like to think too far ahead so it's difficult for me to think about long term goals. I'm totally a live in the moment type of person. I think I made myself that way to stop myself thinking & getting myself anxious about the future too much but the downside of that is that it is why I've probably never achieved my potential career wise. But at least it's not to late to change that and I'm definitely planning too. It sounds like you are younger than me? and you are already making great progress in understanding yourself and and how to help yourself so I definitely think you will do well for yourself in the near future.

So yeah Thanks so much for taking the time to write your posts because they have been very interesting & have really helped me over the last week and to know I'm not alone being this way and I'm nearly out of that bad place I was in last week. If you're ever having a hard time you can pm me anytime for a chat if you need to.

Thank you Im-suffering for the compliments and advice too.

[bizcoach]

I hear y'all regarding too much in head and over thinking.

For many years I have coped by having regular exercise (I am still overweight) and either playing an instrument or driving a car for a couple of hours each night. These concentration activities allow my brain some anxiety relief. To handle social anxiety I have developed a lifestyle that avoids situations which bother me unless my wife accompanies me at my side. This is likely wrong according to experts, but it works for me. I do not feel like I miss anything and I am happy in my skin.

Car driving makes me feel the best and I have been very fortunate in business to be able to drive whatever cars I wish .

This year I needed some surgery which has rendered exercise, instrument saying AND driving, impossible for months. Guess what has revisited me with all the idle time as I recuperate. That's why I am here.

Better days ahead for everyone!

[tooscaredtodrive88]

Hi again everybody

Dan: Tennis is my fav/best sport, hands-down! Low-impact running but still-high intensity, zen-like serving, and huge pay-off for frustration whacking the tennis ball!
It's awesome that you had more energy the next day, I kinda get that from tennis, too. Another thing I like about tennis is that besides the risk of tennis-elbow, it's not too bad on the joints and really works out the whole core. And since it's more about endurance and fixation on the ball, less opportunity for the mind to wander. That's key for me! I have a few more thoughts to add for later, but it's awesome that you're feeling much better!

bizcoach: nice to meet you and thanks for joining in to share your story! I envy your fearlessness for driving, even more that it relaxes you, lol! I do love the aesthetics of cars, however. What's your favorite? Dan and I here like video games; I like driving games because it engages me to think of driving in a funner light. Even though they don't really translate in real-life, I do get a sense of coordination and control from playing them. It's far from the real-thing, obviously, but have you played any driving or racing games?

With music, I was in a position for awhile when I didn't have a live-instrument, so found some songwriting software to play around with. I was able to make some really nice things and satisfied that same part of my brain as actually playing. It was cool too, because then you can take what you wrote and make sheet music for it : ) Have you given anything like that a try? Thanks for chiming in, and wishing you a less anxious recovery!

Feel free to share more tips about stress, and your perspective on cars and stuff. My mountain-bike needs an upgrade, lol!

I'm Suffering: Thanks as always for your kind thoughts and encouragement : )

[bizcoach]

Tooscaredtodrive88,
Thanks for the warm welcome. Cars have always motivated me. A picture true of one I desired was taped on the wal of my home office with the caption " the difference,e between driving a 12 year old Chev and a brand new LOTUS is 3 extra sales calls a day". Many day when I was pa king up early, I would see that sign, sit down and start cold calling new prospects. I currently have 13 cars (embarrassing) but my favourite is my LOTUS Evora S GP Edition ( 1 of only 50

I am 56 so I missed the video game generation. I would love to try them out sometime (grandkids are still to tiny to buy them an Xbox or whatever). Many of the sports cars and rally and race cars in those games, I have owned in real life. What's your favorite car from video games?

I was trained in classical music long before computers. I can write music but prefer to still play the classical greats like Beethoven and Chopin.

When I feel a period.of.extreme.stress building I start doing a meditative breathing exercise. I use the iPhone app "relax light" for this. I start with five minute sessions twice a day working up to 15 minute session. Th visual aspect of the app.helps keep.fleeting thoughts away so I be home focused on breathing pace, tempo,and having enough air to handle the long exhale.

All the best!