Irrational Fear that won't stop

[Lyran]

So I am here kind of seeking, hopefully, some new ways to think about this. I've had this fear for about 2 years on and off.

I think that this started when I read an article a few years ago about internet surveillance increasing and more strict internet laws. For some reason it had an emotional impact on me and caused me to think my internet was being monitored. Over time, this grew, and then, a few months later I had a few unrelated police visits about general enquiries; but, each time they visited it terrified me. I was scared -- this it it -- finally they want to talk to me about my internet use (which, is fully legal and normal) or they want to question me and take me away -- I've done something illegal without knowing. So, they finished their general enquiries and left, 3 times, very friendly. But, because of these mental associations in my head, now I'm scared when the buzzer goes in the flat or when cars draw up outside. I feel the need to check a lot and see who it is. I find it difficult to relax, I have an image in my head of coming back to the flat and police waiting for me.

No matter how much I know I've never committed a crime...
And, I know how crazy and irrational that it is, that no of course the police aren't interested in me; I've got a degree, I'm working on the second one, I have a professional job, my life is pretty awesome, I don't even do recreational drugs.

I argue with myself a lot, trying to convince myself how irrational this is but the feelings of uncertainty remain; what if I'm wrong about this? What if it really happens? What if the 000.0001% chance is me?
After all, I can never prove nor disprove this is real and so, in a sense, it is always looming as potentially real.

I need some more constructive ways to deal with the 'what ifs', and it's difficult now to think about the police because I know most normal law abiding citizens DON'T think about them on a daily/regular basis and neither should I. The normal citizen just assumes fully their innocence and gets on with their lives; I want to do that!

Maybe some people have had similar persecutory or paranoid thoughts and have constructive sentences or ways of dealing with it?


Thanks in advance!

[bizzle15]

Wow! I'm so glad to see your post. You are not alone! Let me guess...you KNOW you haven't done anything wrong to attract the police. You KNOW this is an irrational fear and not at all logical. But yet you probably can't stop worrying about being arrested and your life being ruined. Do you have any other irrational fears or is this the only one?

First, police are busy and concerned with real criminals. They don't have the time or resources to monitor you. Second, if you had done something wrong, you'd have been arrested already. Third, you're on this forum so you know your fear is unfounded. However, the thoughts won't stop and you worry obsessively about it.

I have the same problems and in fact, had a very similar episode regarding fears of arrest for no good reason. The only constructive bit of advice I can give you is what worked personally for me. I wrote down this fear on paper, including all the evidence and reasons the police would question me. I left it alone for a couple days. When I went back to look at it, the list seemed completely rediculous.

[bizzle15]

I'm not saying this will work for you and make no claims. I can only tell you how I deal with my irrational fears. But you are not alone and you are not a bad person. You'd be amazed how many people fear like we do. I would at least suggest talking to a therapist as there may be some deeper issue or trigger causing this. But please, don't get down on yourself. You're not alone. Just know that your fear is all that it is, fear. You're not in trouble. you'll be OK.

[Lyran]

Thank you very much for your honest and helpful reply -- it's good to know I'm not the only one. No, this is the only fear I have.

So how do you think about that fear now, does it come up again and what do you do if it does? Do you remind yourself of something or a phrase?

[Nowuccas]

Ask yourself EXACTLY what is it that you are afraid of. Put it down on a sheet of paper. What would you do in such an eventuality? Estimate the probability of it actually occurring. Work it all out, and record it. Then you will know, and you will have put a face on your fear, rather than attempting to grapple with some nameless dread.

"A fear avoided is a fear strengthened.
A fear faced is a fear reduced".

Some relevant reading: Triumph Over Fear: A Book of Help and Hope for People with Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Phobias, by Jerilyn Ross, & Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado, & The Fear Book: Facing Fear Once and for All, by Cheri Huber and June Shiver, & Feel the fear, and do it anyway, by Susan J. Jeffers. Your library, bookstore, or amazon.com may be able to supply a copy. It is important to deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, or images, or even an emotion, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately.

When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a scaredy cat?" or even: "I can't handle this fear!", or a disturbing image, *recognise that this is part of your negative mindset, from the deep, primitive, animalistic recesses of your brain, which needs to be balanced by the use of higher mental functions.

After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large red "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.

Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method.

"Just for today, I'll not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless fears, I'll track them down and expose their unreality. I'll remind myself that only I am responsible for, and in sole charge of my life. What happened yesterday need not trouble me today. Do I accept the fact that it's in my power to make today a good one just by the way I think about it and what I do about it?"

[bizzle15]

Hi Lyran. To answer your question, the fear does come up now and again. But consider yourself lucky. Many people have numerous obsessive fears that come up almost daily and are debilitating. If you can overcome this one, you'll be in good shape. I can only remind myself of the actual facts and evidence that show that the fear is unfounded. If I remind myself over and over, and look at the written-down list like the writer above mentioned, it's almost like I'm training myself and my brain to eventually get over it. Again, there may be a deeper issue, a deeper fear of something that is causing you to obsess about this. And you may want to see a therapist to find its source. Based on your post, I'm 100% certain that you are ok. When you look at it from a different point of view you can see that it is unfounded. If I told you some of my obsessive fears, regardless of how much I believe it, I bet you'd think they're pretty stupid, which they are. Try to look at yourself from someone else's point of view, review only facts and true evidence, and try to talk to someone. Maybe time will heal this. I make no claims here toward your cure. But this is what works for me.