Please Help. I've had enough.

[Cody Storch]

I am 24 years old and have been living in misery for almost two years. I woke up one night and didn't recognize anything around me, derealization like I was in a dream. This started my panic, which started causing all sorts of symptoms. (Pain, numbness, tingling, vertigo, slurred speech, panic attacks, constant feeling of crawling out of my skin (super energized yet so tired). I wake up every single day to the same thing. Complete body pains in all muscles and joints. Nausea and a very "hyped up" feeling that doesnt disappear for at least a couple hours. Then I make my way through the day, symptom after symptom after symptom until I get so tired and scared and suicidal that I shake myself to sleep. Two years.

For the longest time I thought it was something else. Hell, it still might be right? But I am unable to leave the house now. I go to work and come home, I can't drink or be with friends. It feels like I'm on acid 24/7 paired with all the other symptoms. IS it even possible for anxiety to strike overnight then completely destroy the rest of my life?

I've tried therapy, maybe they were bad. I've done some blood tests, still waiting for a lyme test to come back. . I decided I absolutely need to try medication again, but I want to get advice as to if anyone that has been in my situation really wants to live after taking it? Right now, I want to live a happy life, but I am suicidal 24/7 from everything I'm feeling. Can medication help derealization, can medication actually help me live a real life. I am so close to giving up, I sit in the shower for an hour every day thinking about the least painful way to do it. It scares me, I don't want to die, but I am in a literal hell.

I tried lexapro, I literally felt like I was on a hardcore hallucinogenic drug and felt like I couldnt display emotions and super jittery for days after taking half of a pill. This scared me away from antidepressants, it was absolutely terrifying. How can someone expect me to stay on something that makes me feel so awful? how could that possibly help later on? I keep telling myself "you can do this without medication, it will destroy your brain" and then I just sit in pain thinking about how I really am not able to do that. A vicious cycle that never ends, scary no matter what I do. Is this god damn anxiety or full blown psychosis and, why. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? I'm sorry, I'm so worked up and sad. I used to be so happy and self sufficient. I am nothing anymore.


Please, anyone, help or advice. I am nearing the end of what I can manage.

[JohnC]

Hi Cody, i am not the best one to give you advice but please keep trying. Have you tried different doctors other than the ones you have been trying? Sometimes it takes more than one or two different Doctors to actually figure out the best avenue for you. Hang in there man i am pulling for ya. Just wanted you to know that you were not alone. Peace

[gypsylee]

Hi Cody,

This sounds shit. Not sure what advice to give here but feel free to message me.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Im-Suffering]

I sit in the shower for an hour every day thinking about the least painful way to do it. It scares me, I don't want to die, but I am in a literal hell.



As you sit in the shower in your darkest moments listen to your thoughts and immediately start to ask questions. "Why do I feel this way?" Rather than self pity resolve to find the real subconscious reasons for the feelings by digging deep into them with probing questions. You will know when you hit the truth and then work on resolving those issues. This is your gateway out.

[time2reclaim]

Have any of the therapists tried biofeedback with you? Have you tried guided meditation? Both of those things can help you and teach you how to allow your body to relax.

I haven't done either for a long time but it used to help me some.

I've had anxiety off and on for a good many years. I want you to realize that even if it is this bad right now it does NOT mean it will stay like this and it does NOT mean you will not improve. I know how you must feel. I was so bad at one point I didn't think I was going to come through and I had resolved myself to it. It was so hard but I got through it. That doesn't mean there haven't been ups and downs but I did get through the hardest. You can also.

As far as therapy goes, IMHO you may have to go through a few to find one decent one. The only one I went to that was any good was a psychiatrist, the regular therapists just were of no help to me.

[jshen]

I'm going through a bad time with anxiety now also, maybe the worst I've ever felt with weird worries and fears, and my mind driving me crazy. Medication is worth trying. Find a good doctor and I know it's hard, but it will pass. I tell myself that when I'm feeling terrible.

[LDE]

Hi cody,
I have woken up and had similar experiences. I knew I was awake and my eyes were open but I was so confused and was still in a dream. I also wake up extremely suddenly and practically fly out of bed with anxiety like someone punched me out of my sleep. A lot of your physical symtoms are consistant with anxiety (at least in my exerience). I think a good thing for you to do would be to get in contact with a doctor and try a new medication. It can take multiple tries with meds before you find one that works well for you. Going to a counselor would also be beneficial. Again just like meds you simetimes have to "shop around" until you find one you like. Please know that you are not alone in this and there is always someone willing to help or just lend an ear.

[jon mike]

i had a few years of derealization myself and it is not nice i agree with you, its living hell :( the reason you feeling it is because your state of anxiety is too high, learn to reduce your anxiety first and the derealization will disappear, i had anxiety problems for 15 years and it was my own falut for not seeking help, i eventually hit the level your on and went to see someone who put me through cbt, all i can say is it worked for me, i live the best life ever now, i was out of hell within a month, hope you feel better soon

[undertakerfreak1127]

Cody, I wish I could give you a hug, dude. That's something you need - some kind of embrace from someone that supports you. Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about this? I mean, really let it out. Cry, and then cry some more. Express yourself. Please realize you're not alone, and there will come a day when you finally learn to manage this. Maybe not completely cure it, but manage it. I would strongly suggest giving medication a second look as well... It saved me a lot of trouble, and possibly even my life. Please stay strong.